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The 'heres a little known embarassing fact about me' thread

My then brother in law turned 21 and came to the house with two fifths of jack daniels and said he could outdrink me.
I remember finishing my fifth, grabbing his and taking a big chug, then thinking I drank way too much. In drunken logic I decided some cake would absorb the booze.
The next morning I woke up in the bathtub, fully clothed, covered in angel food chunks.
 
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I’m a relatively straight arrow, from a family of criminals.

I’ve still been arrested twice in my life and i’m 32.
 
I once backed a Humvee into a MP’s Ford Tempo at a fairly high rate of speed on Fort Hood, and then got freaked out when the large angry MP came running up yelling at me. So, of course I did the logical thing any good dumb ass 21 year old would do, and screamed at him, “Why the F did you park there?”
It didn’t go well.
 
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I was behind the range in a Landie, a RAF numpty asked if I could tow his van out.
He attached the strap, and signalled me to tow.
Slack came taut, and his front bull bar landed in the back of the Landie.
Numb Nuts had wrapped the strap around the bars, not hooked onto chassis.
I helped him put bars in back of van and said"youre in the shit mate"
And drove away.
 
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Aussiedan said:
I dated a professional dominatrix for about a year.

I turned down a 3 way with 2 well porn chicks who I was bodyguarding in Australia during sexpo. (I was married at the time)

Every now and then I consider buying a savage
Click to expand...
Everything else is fine.....
But seek counselling for the bizarre urge to purchase a Savage.
 
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Sophomore in HS, super hot chick sitting in the front row and always wanted to ask her out. I go up in front of the class to get the test my teacher graded and while leaning over to get my test, my butt is right next to the head of the hot chick. We had tacos and beans for lunch that day.

Yeah, you guessed it.....right when I stretched out to get my test and my ass was right next to the hot chick, stunningly and uncontrollably, a gastrointestinal eruption of biblical proportions let loose with a fury of which I normally would have been quite proud, were I with my buddies. But alas, the hot chick got her hair parted with the vile, bean-laden wind from hell. Suffice it to say, she never went out with me.
 
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Soulezoo said:
I'm a Wyomingite (now)... what more do you need to know?
Plus I was really popular with girls....
Don't be a hater man.
I still have my first wife wanting to hit me up for a quicky here or there and have not seen her in 35 years. She stalked me on social media....
Click to expand...
Oh hell no. You are not a Wyomingite unless you were born here. We will never put up with incest as long as he have sheep.
 
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Desert Raven said:
Sophomore in HS, super hot chick sitting in the front row and always wanted to ask her out. I go up in front of the class to get the test my teacher graded and while leaning over to get my test, my butt is right next to the head of the hot chick. We had tacos and beans for lunch that day.

Yeah, you guessed it.....right when I stretched out to get my test and my ass was right next to the hot chick, stunningly and uncontrollably, a gastrointestinal eruption of biblical proportions let loose with a fury of which I normally would have been quite proud, were I with my buddies. But alas, the hot chick got her hair parted with the vile, bean-laden wind from hell. Suffice it to say, she never went out with me.
Click to expand...

oh come onnnnnnnn, you could have pulled it off...lol
 
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Uh, I was at a halloween party when I was 16 or 17. This girl April really liked me, she was a year older but a lot more mature. She was wearing this belly dancer thing, just strings really. Well, we'd been drinking quite a bit and she sat down next to me, put her arm on my shoulder and I turned to her --and puked ALL OVER her face and titties. Projectile vomit, it was BAAAD.

I figured that was the end of April's infatuation with me but she was a trooper. She didn't say a word, didn't even look upset, just washed it all off and drove on. She even invited me to bed with her girlfriend a week or two later (I threw up then too but that's another story, luckily it wasn't ON anyone!).

That wasn't the only amazing story to come out of that party either, that week was solid 1990's GOLD, including federal bounty hunter biker toting sawed off double barrels and a custom elk antler gripped WW2 bayonet into Kmart for supplies and telling the manager to "do something about it or fuck off", drunk kid getting OWNED by said biker, massive destruction of public property (that got paid for surprisingly) and West Virginia weed that'd make you feel like you were flying in a UFO. And I rigged a coke machine to spit out all the drinks for free because that's the one thing we forgot --mixers. Luckily I had a squeeze bottle, hot water, detergent and salt to make that happen.

I should have married her looking back. SHE was the one. And I should have gotten someone to film that party. It wasn't the biggest or most, uh, destructive? But it was epic nonetheless. I find the fewer people it takes to make it epic, the more epic it is really.

God those were the days...
 
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I was drunk posting last night and got a deserved lock.

I made a desperate plea and my account is unlocked.

Apologies to anyone I wronged in anyway, I’m going to review every post in the last 24 hours.
 
bigdaddydmd said:
Jim Beam and A&W Root Beer go damn good together also. There is my little know embarrassing fact. I prefer single malts and good cigars, but when slumming nothing beats Beam and A&W.
Click to expand...

Also jack on the rocks with a little bit of Blue Monster is actually pretty good
 
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Tennessee Fire, after a few beers, with mates.....
Then letting the rest of your night be governed by the answers from a Magic 8 Ball.
What could possibly go wrong?
 
FjallJager said:
You are not a Wyomingite unless you were born there.

You will never been a Wyomingite unless you know all the sheep fucker jokes made about Montanans. But honestly Wyoming always had more sheep, and Texas has a 100 times more sheep. So mostly I just make fun of Texans. I live in New Mexico now, these people hate Texans with a passion. Almost as much as everyone else in the west hates Californians.
Click to expand...
That's because the majority of "New" Mexicans are actually Californians and mere socialist tax refugees. They just picked New Mexico for Tequila and Margaritas, even Hatch chili are too hot for them.
 
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45cal4life said:
I like the color pink

Think about it...
Click to expand...

The Hells Angels wear a set of wings or so I have been told...one side of the wings may be black and the other side may be red. Interpretation: Wearer of such wings has gone down on a black woman and one who was on her period!

No thinking required!
 
I use to own a Subaru. And I actually miss it.

I own a .270

I love blue cheese and onion omelets

I have shot a .25

I’ve only ever slept with two women

I use to drink and smoke

I’ve never actually fucked a pigeon

I’m only an asshole in here

My 8 year old daughter owns me and she knows it

I love my job and wonder some days how I got it

I get bored easily

I haven’t hunted big game in 15 years

I hate country music

I like cats but would never own one

I made this random list and you read them all.
 
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Bender said:
I’ve only ever slept with two women
Click to expand...

975799AE-DD87-46B4-BC7B-7753F8BEBA84.jpeg
 
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It’s ok bender, last weekend I broke the passenger side mirror off of my wife’s Subaru after I threw my 14ft raft off of the roof and it took a bad bounce. Well actually it’s just dangling.
 
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I've been using the phrase " c'mon man " for years

I bought a iron brigade armory rifle and contemplated suicide later when I realized what a sucker I was .

I still watch the walking dead.

My best friend works in the concrete industry. He hunts with a bow and looks like he could bench a fair amount of weight.
 
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Bender said:
I use to own a Subaru. And I actually miss it.

I own a .270

I love blue cheese and onion omelets

I have shot a .25

I’ve only ever slept with two women

I use to drink and smoke

I’ve never actually fucked a pigeon

I’m only an asshole in here

My 8 year old daughter owns me and she knows it

I love my job and wonder some days how I got it

I get bored easily

I haven’t hunted big game in 15 years

I hate country music

I like cats but would never own one

I made this random list and you read them all.
Click to expand...

Interesting choice of words " I’ve never actually fucked a pigeon " instead of I never actually fucked an animal:) :) :)

So where are you on Chickens, Sheep, dogs ,cats etc?
 
Fuck. Ok. Here goes.

I was 15 when I met my 16 year old Cousin. And I realized that there was such a thing as a Cousin hot enough to dick down anyway.

She saw the look on my face too. My dad and her father and a buddy left us to go fly their airplane. First thing she said was “Wanna go see my room?”.

Yes please.

We are in her room and she comes over and french kisses me hard and tells me to hurry before they get back.

Before we can get anywhere, we hear the plane fly over the house making a whop whop whop noise. Then BOOOM. The nothing.

We run outside and the plane had crashed on the front lawn. The amount of gore coming out of the cockpit told me everyone was dead. Including my father.

I hear someone banging at the back side of the plane so I run over to the other side. It’s my dad, and he’s trying to get a door open from the outside to help the guys inside.

Turns out he was so fat the plane would have been over weight if he had gotten in too. 400lbs saved his life. So he was coming back to the house, and would have caught us in the act.

Her father and his buddy were totally dead.

The father had forgotten to put a control cable back on and couldn’t control the plane.

Turns out it was a Second Cousin, and suffice it to say she wasn’t in a mood to continue landing a piece of ass that day.
 
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