Describe Your Work

I attend meetings all day

I design things properly so you don’t burn your buildings down.

I make shiny new things with spinning loops of wire that burn diesel fuel to make electricity to make other things do work. And if they get old and not so shiny and break - I fix them.

Doc68 said:

I look at dicks most days because they don't know how to wrap it the fuck up.....


Doc

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Last time I was in Korea, had a young kid who was a regular at the Golden Gate, My House Up and other nefarious establishments ask if he could go to sick call. Sure, let me know what's going on. Forgot about it for a week or so until we crossed paths. I inquired about his health and he said he was fine. I guess he saw the look on my face and said he thought he had an STD.

Said he went to the clinic and quietly told the young lady what he thought. In a rather loud voice, she said, "The VD line is over there." Finds himself in a room with a couple dozen other idiots, tests are administered and they're told to return later.

Fast forward and all those pissing razor blades are reassembled, medic walks in with a clipboard and asks, "Who is "Smith?" The kid tells me he's thinking he is the only one burned. The medic says, "You get out. Everybody else get in line."

I pick things up and I put them down

I solve problems for people smarter than me so that all you heathens can hord toilet paper...

theLBC said:

retired sewage plant worker now looking forward to golfing.

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Close

Dig in dumpsters, or accept donations, retrieve restorable items, take apart using very specialized tools of the trade, strip paint, remove rust, obtain new parts to replace broken/worn out/corroded parts by visiting the LBS, Repaint, with every attempt to make it as presentable and desirable to the customers as possible, reassemble with lots of lubes on all bearings/chains, give to the children of family who cannot afford to purchase one from the LBS or Walmart or some other store specializing in this product

Then, try my best to ward off criticism by my better half by spending more to restore than I could have purchased new and still giving it away for free.

Below is an example of my work

I look at wiggles and try to figure out if it was people-made or not-people-made.

I screw Mother Earth with a metal rod and lube, ream her bigger, then pull a bigger pipe in to plug her off.

I turn bigger pieces of metal into littler pieces of metal.

I sit on the computer reading SH waiting for the wife to get home........

I buy and sell things and stuff so I can buy and sell more things and stuff...

Whatever my wife tells me to do.

But when I really feel really rebellious I'll bitch about it .... quietly ... if she's not around.

Thank you,
MrSmith

I make grown ass men cry.

earthquake said:

I look at wiggles and try to figure out if it was people-made or not-people-made.

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I deal with engineers that are Japanese or some Asian muslims over email at night. During the day I am creating reports and inspecting parts/products for problems. I also deal with dumb kids in our repair department and sometimes whiny customers. Throughout I am talking shit and enjoying myself most days. Now I get to work from home most of the time.

do you photograph the inside of people's homes while they are sleeping ? again I guess santa clause

I interpret the musings of highly educated children in an attempt to figure out what they really are trying to convey. Then I set my minions to work melting pieces of iron into a larger pieces that are then bolted to make a load bearing structure.

My job is simple. I'm a millennial who makes money to boss boomers around all day.

Maser said:

My job is simple. I'm a millennial who makes money to boss boomers around all day.

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Adult baby dungeon master.

I fight other people's wars and fix their problems.

I deal with all the waste at a copper mine but I'm not the trash guy or the #1 guy in the #2 business...

Zane1844 said:

I turn bigger pieces of metal into littler pieces of metal.

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Me too.

I go to old people homes and order them to do things they don’t like......exercise.

Kiss boo boos while surrounded on all sides by hoodrat single mothers.

I babysit grown adults that don't know how to act right

Monday morning quarterback for the crew that keeps people from winning a Darwin Award.

Used to lead the crew.

I scare people

I gotta confess. I lied earlier. I actually do bow kills (200), benchpress 275, and 28 years concrete you buncha pussy-ass bitches hidin’ beside your computers.

I walk the dog and read the Hide and Audio Forums.

I install the provisions for what you need all day every day. All while being told I'm an overpaid and under worked dickhead by the super.

The days stuff blows up are fun and interesting.

demolitionman said:

Swing around in circles all day playing with two joysticks....

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Basically same here, but in the middle of the forest on 50% slopes. I'm a god to cyclists and the devil to ( most) tree huggers.

jmp1 said:

I take trees that someone else cut down and removed the limbs, then I replant and climb them.

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lineman

Girls see my work when there naked and wet I do custom tile and stone showers

Raking leaves on a windy day.

I piss sailors off and send them to general quarters.

I help stick organs in people

I hold the spit bucket for the fluffers.

candyx said:

I hold the spit bucket for the fluffers.

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If they need to spit, they're doing it wrong. Aren't they just supposed to prepare the male talent?

Sometimes hot, sometimes cold, sometimes dark, sometimes light, sometimes pitch black, sometimes shallow, sometimes deep, sometimes cool, sometimes not cool, sometimes dry, but most times wet. Been hit by lightning, submerged in shit, dodged hypodermics and needle pointed rebar, sucked into a dam, bailed at 100ft, smashed in the mud by nuke plant trash racks, drug by a sand barge...... I should quit

I listen to management and corporate excuses while trying to do my job.

WDN-K-9 said:

Sometimes hot, sometimes cold, sometimes dark, sometimes light, sometimes pitch black, sometimes shallow, sometimes deep, sometimes cool, sometimes not cool, sometimes dry, but most times wet. Been hit by lightning, submerged in shit, dodged hypodermics and needle pointed rebar, sucked into a dam, bailed at 100ft, smashed in the mud by nuke plant trash racks, drug by a sand barge...... I should quit

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Tug captain

CraigG1 said:

I watch people build things also..
but also hold them accountable for costs and schedule...

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Construction manager

a gynecologist no a proctologist ?

I make sure really old organic matter continues to be made tiny and the goes into a big thingy that uses physics to make another thingy go roundy-roundy so we don't end up like Texas just did.

For people that hate people like me.

armorpl8chikn said:

Tug captain

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Hummmmm.....something to look into before I get killled

gunjunkie45 said:

If they need to spit, they're doing it wrong. Aren't they just supposed to prepare the male talent?

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These fluffers have no teeth.

candyx said:

These fluffers have no teeth.

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I'll take your word for it on the "gummers".

Wyfox said:

I touch men and look at their butt holes. They leave that out of the job description don't they @1J04

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Yep. Only other biggest omission was from my recruiter.