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UPDATE!! I found THE APEX OF TOASTERS! Ok, outta left field. Why do modern toasters suck tranny nuts?

D408404B-4EED-4F16-A0BC-ACAAFCE6A0C7.jpeg
 
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Don't all new appliance suck?

I had a 20 year old dishwasher, that thing could remove dried on food from any plate that was days old
none of the newer dishwashers I have had could remove any dried on food from anything

Here is hoping my 20 year old kick ass toaster keeps on going.
 
Dualit

Guaranteed for life, you'll never buy another.
 
Why is your wife in Rikers and do you get conjugal visits?
She was she got off of a murder rap on a technically, witness got smoked. Everyone has separate rooms and we all lock our doors at night just so we don't become another statistic . Its crazy I know but those grill cheese sandwiches are to die for.
 
Toast doesn't make you fat. I eat toast, pasta, and all kinds of carbs but I'm not fat.

The key is balance.

The key is bacon.

You enjoy your carb highs/lows........Ill take my steady feed pellet stove constant steady BTU .

Iam Northern European heritage and eat like one.
 
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I swear you must be kin to a blond British house wench in her 50s.....fucking toaster to toast bread....smdh.

Here:
1634675490343.jpg

At left you have the Blackstone 3 burner "toaster". It is rated for 1.5 to 2 loaves.
Bagels? How the F would I know its bagel rating?
It will also toast bacon, pancakes, burgers, cheesesteaks, flat bread, hoecakes, your imagination is its only limit.
Yes it will chip the hell out of your floor if you take the casters off. At 149lbs it'll probably dent your sub floor.

Moving on the the right, we have the Double Diamond Wood Fired Fully Adjustable Toaster.
You could fire it with pellets I reckon.
It leaves a lovely diamond pattern on your toast. It is a solid two loaf model.
It will also toast a mean rack of ribs. The rack will fully support a 4 gallon Dutch oven as well, so you can toast a great pot of stew or some famous "toasted cowboy beans". Sorry, a pellet firing won't produce a sufficient "masculine" heat for Dutch oven toasting. You'll need some oak cooking stove cut.

Hope this helps.
 
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Nobody needs a high capacity assault toaster with more computing power than the lunar lander. What we need is gubmint regulation of toasters and toasting accessories. And don't get me started on toaster silencers!






😜😜😜🤣🤣🤣🤣
 
I have a toaster that we got as a wedding present 21 years ago. It’s literally one of those five dollar Christmas bulk cheepo Chinese garbage ones. But it makes perfect toast. About 12 years ago I bought a new fancy chrome expensive one with blue lights, digital read outs, dual cyclonic marzel vanes, the works. Paid too much for it from a fancy store.

Three days in, I dug my old toaster out of the garbage and took the chrome boat anchor back to the fancy ass department store.

I still have and love this retarded ugly old toaster with burn marks and imprints of bread bags melted on the side. It looks soo trailer park I might not post a picture.

so I’m thinking again, but this time I’ll ask.

who makes a good toaster?
Toast is so 80s dude
 
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The key is bacon.

You enjoy your carb highs/lows........Ill take my steady feed pellet stove constant steady BTU .

Iam Northern European heritage and eat like one.
I got some news for you...Northern Europeans use wood....not pellets
 
Toast is so 80s dude
I have a six-year-old and a nine-year-old that loves butter toast in the morning with her cereal. I usually don’t eat breakfast i have a protein shake. Because I am old and fat LOL. I will have a bagel about twice a month? Maybe less than that.
 
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View attachment 7724155

Make toast or knock a fucker out.

Tortillas, steaks grill cheese sandwich.

Fairly idiot proof for deplorables, I have veted it for you.
That brings back memories of making yuke toast on our squad stoves in Alaska. We would always take some bread on the ahkio sled. Nothin like knowing your door bundle had some creature comforts in it as it left the airplane.
 
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I have a toaster that we got as a wedding present 21 years ago. It’s literally one of those five dollar Christmas bulk cheepo Chinese garbage ones. But it makes perfect toast. About 12 years ago I bought a new fancy chrome expensive one with blue lights, digital read outs, dual cyclonic marzel vanes, the works. Paid too much for it from a fancy store.

Three days in, I dug my old toaster out of the garbage and took the chrome boat anchor back to the fancy ass department store.

I still have and love this retarded ugly old toaster with burn marks and imprints of bread bags melted on the side. It looks soo trailer park I might not post a picture.

so I’m thinking again, but this time I’ll ask.

who makes a good toaster?

My 60$ kitchenaid has like 8 settings but they don't mean anything, no matter the number it either barely toasts my Eggos or burns the shit out of them.
 
I swear you must be kin to a blond British house wench in her 50s.....fucking toaster to toast bread....smdh.

Here:
View attachment 7724107
At left you have the Blackstone 3 burner "toaster". It is rated for 1.5 to 2 loaves.
Bagels? How the F would I know its bagel rating?
It will also toast bacon, pancakes, burgers, cheesesteaks, flat bread, hoecakes, your imagination is its only limit.
Yes it will chip the hell out of your floor if you take the casters off. At 149lbs it'll probably dent your sub floor.

Moving on the the right, we have the Double Diamond Wood Fired Fully Adjustable Toaster.
You could fire it with pellets I reckon.
It leaves a lovely diamond pattern on your toast. It is a solid two loaf model.
It will also toast a mean rack of ribs. The rack will fully support a 4 gallon Dutch oven as well, so you can toast a great pot of stew or some famous "toasted cowboy beans". Sorry, a pellet firing won't produce a sufficient "masculine" heat for Dutch oven toasting. You'll need some oak cooking stove cut.

Hope this helps.
No fried bread to go with the beans, bangers, eggs, tomatoes and black pudding? The wench isn’t full English otherwise. Next, you’ll tell me there’s no pg tips builders’ tea!
 
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My 60$ kitchenaid has like 8 settings but they don't mean anything, no matter the number it either barely toasts my Eggos or burns the shit out of them.
This is exactly why I got rid of the fancy one and dug the $5 out of the trash 12 years ago.

it makes perfect toast.
 
My 60$ kitchenaid has like 8 settings but they don't mean anything, no matter the number it either barely toasts my Eggos or burns the shit out of them.
After years of research, I have found the secret to the perfect eggo is double toasting. In actuality, this was discovered one morning when my congenitally tardy son stumbled to the breakfast table to discover cold eggos- and immediately broke down in tears. I mean, unreasonable globs of runny tears and blubbering about cold waffles. Back into the toaster they go. BAM. Instant Emeril. Dad saves the world, 2 waffles at a time.

Use the “barely toast” setting.
 
After years of research, I have found the secret to the perfect eggo is double toasting. In actuality, this was discovered one morning when my congenitally tardy son stumbled to the breakfast table to discover cold eggos- and immediately broke down in tears. I mean, unreasonable globs of runny tears and blubbering about cold waffles. Back into the toaster they go. BAM. Instant Emeril. Dad saves the world, 2 waffles at a time.

Use the “barely toast” setting.

Yeah that's what I do but for 60$ and 100+ years of technology going into it the fucker should work right the first time.
 
Well, invention is the mother of necessity- or something. A “better” toaster will be on the shelves, just in time for Mother’s’ Day…
 
Take the Eggos and dip them into an egg wash like French toast.

Cook them like French toast, then butter and syrup.

Thank me later.

Otherwise, toast them, butter, slather on crunchy peanut butter and cover with orange blossom honey.

You can thank me later for this too.
Way too much work. Just pull them out of the freezer. Take them out of the box, and eat the box. Thank me later…
 
This nifty thing changed my breakfast life! I was skeptical, but it's lasted over a year so far

View attachment 7724183
I hate gadgets, that sucker looks hard as hell to clean, being butter is squished out of it.
Pro tip...
Grab fucking butter in wrapper, smear the butter on the hot corn, fucking simple, no gadget needed.
 
I am drawn to this. my toaster sucks ass . I don't know where it is from, but it sucks . Nothing better than some over easy eggs and toast that is perfect for it. Throw in some bacon the start of a perfect day... I have tried no carbs, two things are my down fall toast and baked potatoes.
 
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I hate gadgets, that sucker looks hard as hell to clean, being butter is squished out of it.
Pro tip...
Grab fucking butter in wrapper, smear the butter on the hot corn, fucking simple, no gadget needed.
That's what I thought at first too, but I'm in the sophisticated class of people who keep butter in the refrigerator. Cleaning isn't hard, just use hot water
 
I got some news for you...Northern Europeans use wood....not pellets

Its the state of steady burn with low heat.

Sure a log fire is impressive with its big flame and sudden heat but it burns pretty quick. Think of it as a carbohydrate

Pellet stoves you dont get that big impressive flame but you get a constant consistent burn. Thats how you get rid of fat and maintain steady state energy.
 
Its the state of steady burn with low heat.

Sure a log fire is impressive with its big flame and sudden heat but it burns pretty quick. Think of it as a carbohydrate

Pellet stoves you dont get that big impressive flame but you get a constant consistent burn. Thats how you get rid of fat and maintain steady state energy.
It’s the coals and embers, not the flame, that do the cooking. Your ancestors didn’t have pellet stoves, nor should you. 😂😂😂
 
Everyone wants "the easy button."

"Just eliminate this one food and you can eat whatever else you want."

What utter rubbish. The truth is that moderation and exercise are the keys to weight maintenance. It is hard to say "no" to that pie at Thanksgiving (unless it is the pie my mother in law makes, it is easy to say no to that). It is hard to push away from the table when your stomach is saying, "there's always room for Jello." Kids brought home 10 lbs of Halloween candy? One snickers isn't going to kill you, right? And, you walked to the mail box last week. You deserve this. Getting up 2 hours early to hit the gym before work is hard. Even harder to hit they gym after getting the kids to bed. The only easy button weight maintenance solutions that were worth a damn are amphetamines, and, well...

My son is a high school junior. His HS starts at 7:30 am. He has Tennis practice every day after school, shotgun practice 2x per week after school and on Saturday morning, and we have brazilian jiu jitsu class 3 nights per week. He gets up at 4 AM to hit the gym before school, 4 days a week. The kid is driven, and he looks it. Of course, having a 16 year old's metabolism doesn't hurt, but if he isn't active he isn't grazing like the average american.

Want to lose weight? You don't have to give up any one food. Just push away from the table as soon as you are satisfied, not when you are full. Use a small plate. Don't go back for seconds. Don't drink your calories. Split meals with your significant other when you go out to dinner. Carbs are not the enemy. You are.
 
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that looks like the toaster we used to have at the deer cabin back in the 80's. the cabin was full of mice and the toaster was full of mouse shit. Opening morning of buck season, you'd always awaken to the acrid stench of incinerated rat turds. the old guys eating the shit toast never seemed to mind though.
 
Had a cuisinart for 12 years that rocked, was great!!! It started to cook uneven, but not horrible. Wife said lets get a new one and tossed that one. New one cooked worse than the old one and it was the same unit! It sucks, but i never use it, don’t care about toast. I use a toaster oven or air fryer for reheating leftovers or jalapeño poppers (home made). Too many gadgets that barely make life any easier.