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"Second, if you have ever had sugar-free candy, you also know that many fruit-flavored candies are sweetened with sugar alcohols so as not to alter the flavors. And sugar alcohols, when consumed in less-than-moderate quantities, can cause what's euphemistically known as "digestive upset."
The hell you say, Sherlock! Let's be truthful: Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears do not cause "digestive upset." They bring on colonic hurricanes, complete with gale-force flatulence and shattering eliminations that seem to come out of nowhere and are (mostly) liquid. I've taken citrate magnesium before, and had less explosive bouts of diarrhea than those brought on by Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears. They should give these out in place of enemas in hospitals, and then drape the patients in enclosed tarps."