Maggie’s Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

[One-Eyed Jack]

Whatever happened to the thread with so many Chuck Norris "brags"? I'd like to get it going again with one that my 9-year-old nephew made up last week:

Chuck Norris is so scary that the Boogieman looks under his covers before getting into bed.

 

[Early Cuyler]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the World down.

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris Does not flush the Toilet.....He scares the SHIT out of it!!

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed...

 

[Early Cuyler]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

There's no such thing as Global Warming. Chuck Norris just turned up the thermostat.

 

[Matt.Cross]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his bedroom...

The bear isn't actually dead, it's just afraid to move.

 

[Vantastic]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

 

[wakeboarder4402]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris can ride a wheelie, on a unicycle.

 

[wakeboarder4402]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag women, he potato sacks em!

 

[wakeboarder4402]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris and SuperMan got in a fight once..The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside...

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Once they were going to name a street after Chuck Norris but nobody crosses Chuck Norris

 

[RADcustom]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris likes his steak so rare, he only eats unicorn meat.

I also heard Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

 

[Aaron 12345]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

 

[Hink]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris speaks braille.

 

[168BTHPM]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris once uppercut a Horse that animal is now known as a Giraffe

 

[jmbd2112]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

chuck norris once threw a grenade and killed fifty people, then the grenade blew up.

 

[jmbd2112]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

 

[Ultraman550]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

[texastonk]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

 

[az-bred]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck norris doesn't call the wrong number.... You answered the wrong phone

 

[az-bred]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

 

[4Rail_Gunner]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

 

[CommAV8OR]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris is the only human to kick a man in the back of the face.

 

[InsidetheStorm]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again


Chuck Norris didn't sign the Declaration of Independence because he wanted the British to think they had chance.

 

[CommAV8OR]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

 

[3fingervic]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

When Chuck Norris jumps into the ocean, he doesn't get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norris(ed).

Chuck Norris can cure cancer with his tears, too bad he has never cried.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

There isn't a chin under Chuck Norris' beard, it's another fist.

 

[cramey74]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris could post something FOR SALE in this section with only 1 post and not get banned

 

[RobertB]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck norris clogs the toilet when he pees.

 

[cpt.creedmoor]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris and Mr.T walked into a bar...the place instantly exploded...because that much awesome cannot be contained in one building....

 

[tigerfan_9]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands.

 

[cpt.creedmoor]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris once threw a roundhouse so hard it broke the speed of light, created a wormhole, and went back in time and killed amelia earhart over the pacific.....

This is one I came up with...
Chuck Norris fell out of an airplane in 1945....he hit the ground and bounced back up...several days later he hit again....today we know the two impacts as hiroshima and nagasaki....

 

[tsavo303]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

 

[Ultraman550]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

For every time you see a passing comet, remember its just one of Chuck Norris' boogers he flicked into the sky

 

[Ultraman550]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Atlantis sunk because Chuck Norris did a cannon ball to close

 

[AznDragon533]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris counted to infinite ............................................................................................TWICE

 

[Mike]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Read the thread and don't post the same one twice ^^^^

 

[jeo556]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor but only Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.

 

[Decoy]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Big Foot is so scared of Chuck Norris he has been in hiding for years.

 

[coulthard_west]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

when a zombie bites chuck norris, the zomibie turns into chuck norris

 

[Cascade Precision]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you.
If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only moments from death.

 

[wakeboarder4402]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

 

[Jhnmdahl]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris won the World Series Of Poker holding only a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a Monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

 

[Blue Line]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

 

[Blue Line]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

 

[The Mechanic]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris. It must use specialized equipment to gaze upon his silhoutte.

Chuck Norris does not need Twitter... He is already following you.

When Chuck Norris sets his watch, he sets time itself.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

Chuck Norris once walked through the Sahara forest with an axe.

All of Chuck Norris' genes are dominant.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

 

[TLong]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

 

[HelenKellerTactical]

Re: Braggin' on Chuck Norris again

Anyone got any more of these? Some of these were amazing!!! Im still laughing at the phone, and hot knife one

Like-

Chuck Norris can hear lighting, and see thunder

there is no such thing as tornadoes, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks