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Coldly Clever Chinese Criminal Cleaver Caper Comes a' Cropper Crossing Canadian Circumference, or ...

According to the story in your link the "Dastardly Dangerous Dining Dick-head Damsel Disaarmer" Started in NYC and was apprehended in Niagara Falls NY thus it is hard for me to see the purpose of all the Canadian references in your alliteration.
 
According to the story in your link the "Dastardly Dangerous Dining Dick-head Damsel Disaarmer" Started in NYC and was apprehended in Niagara Falls NY thus it is hard for me to see the purpose of all the Canadian references in your alliteration.

He was arrested wearing a life vest and had already attempted to bribe a bus driver to let him stow away in the luggage compartment.

At any rate, it's convenient to blame Canada. Don't we always?
 
Stay after school and write 100 times "diversity is our strength."

That's not how they do it

The teacher stands you up in front of the class and tells them that you are a stupid white kid and she has to do your characters for you, then proceeds to write the page for you in front of the class and hand it back to you.

Shame is important to them... they wouldn't make you stay after school, not enough shame... always in front of the class.