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Cow Cuddling???

Cuddle these.

bull testicles Stock Photo
 
Story related by my father. When he was a kid in the 30's he had two pet goats. Lum and Abner. My grandfather would take a rest in the middle of the day to avoid the heat of mid day in southern Indiana. He would often take a nap under an old oak tree. He would often wake up with Lum's head on one shoulder and Abners on the other. So cuddling farm live stock has aperantly been around a few years now.
One day Lum and Abner decided they needed to climb on top of Grandpas model T. Seems canvas tops cannot support goat hooves and they got stuck with the goat on one side of the convertible top and their legs and hooves on the other. the family started eating goat meat at dinner shortly after.
Grandpa being the wit he was would ask for a "piece of old Lum" whenever meat was on the table and Grandma would break out in tears.
 
At first I thought this might be an Onion article. Wonder how long until this is added to the 10 Minimum Standards of Care?
 
So someone pays this psychologist a hundred bucks an hour to figure out whats wrong with them and she turns around and pays 75 an hour to hug cows because she can't function like a normal human and find a way to get human contact. Makes sense...
The absurdity of this reminds me of someone looking to become assistant health secretary who has obviously poor personal mental health.
 
I'm on it.
I'm bringing a cow back to the nursery from the ranch.
If any of you guys are out there hugging anyone else's cows but mine, I'll be pissed. I'll just need a clean covid test, so you don't get my cow sick😆😆😆 then hug away.
Hangover mondays are double the price.
Cash only.


Dude, if I got a farm, I'd be creating pay by hour goat and calf cuddle sessions for nearby hippies and soibois/girls too. I am all for making extra $$$ to fund my ammo addiction...
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Where do these goofy Motherfuckers get off of the bus?

I wish she was around here when we brand, cut and give shots to our calves.

Fucking cunt would go into orbit, and I would bet she would not like what we have for lunch unless we could convince her that they really are oysters.
Most everyone "hates them" until they try them. Then they would cuddle some balls for some more. :ROFLMAO: 😂 :ROFLMAO:
 
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I'm on it.
I'm bringing a cow back to the nursery from the ranch.
If any of you guys are out there hugging anyone else's cows but mine, I'll be pissed. I'll just need a clean covid test, so you don't get my cow sick😆😆😆 then hug away.
Hangover mondays are double the price.
Cash only.
Do we have to bring our own stump, or is that provided for the initial “cuddling” fee?

asking for a “friend”
 
I have extra free floating ribs where they are separated from the cartilage as a gift from a bovine. Trust none of them. Go hug a dairy bull, see what you get from one of those mankillers.

Pet on them, fine. Just don't get so relaxed around them that you let your guard down. If they spook for some unknown reason it could be a bad deal. I would hate to see her insurance policy.
 
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I'm fine with giving a cow a hug or a pat. Even tigers and hyenas enjoy getting scratched behind the ears or under the chin.

So I'll pat the cute cow and then go sit down to a plate of beef and taters and hope the one I interacted with tastes as good.
 
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China is making great strides with their human male population by integrating more manly traits so their country will have strong positive traditional males to continue breeding; mean while in America men all over are cuddling cows because they are too afraid to kiss girls.....
 
China is making great strides with their human male population by integrating more manly traits so their country will have strong positive traditional males to continue breeding; mean while in America men all over are cuddling cows because they are too afraid to kiss girls.....


We don't have to flat out copy the ChiComs, but there are many aspects of running a country properly that we can adopt and implement here. The ChiComs are NOT leftists at all. They are hardcore authoritarian right. Nationalism, patriotism, 'China First', etc... And like the Imperial Romans, they value masculinity, masculine sports, and military themed popular culture. Archery, riflecraft, and MMA/traditional combat have made a huge comeback to their grade school and high school sports curriculums. If they allowed and encouraged civilian ownership of firearms, they would have been the international left's absolute worst nightmare. They are actually very close to Heinlein's novel version of the Terran Federation, but with more authoritarian features and no powered space-capable armor, yet...
 
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We don't have to flat out copy the ChiComs, but there are many aspects of running a country properly that we can adopt and implement here. The ChiComs are NOT leftists at all. They are hardcore authoritarian right. Nationalism, patriotism, 'China First', etc... And like the Imperial Romans, they value masculinity, masculine sports, and military themed popular culture. Archery, riflecraft, and MMA/traditional combat have made a huge comeback to their grade school and high school sports curriculums. If they allowed and encouraged civilian ownership of firearms, they would have been the international left's absolute worst nightmare. They are actually very close to Heinlein's novel version of the Terran Federation, but with more authoritarian features and no powered space-capable armor, yet...


Read this....

1615320387987.png


Its not a history book more so a commentary on the decline of Western Civilization and why Chinas adoption of the masculine while we abandon it is the reason they will be....

 
Read this....

View attachment 7577591

Its not a history book more so a commentary on the decline of Western Civilization and why Chinas adoption of the masculine while we abandon it is the reason they will be....




That title alone, looks like it belongs in a library at Virginia Military Institute, right on the same shelf as Starship Troopers... Thanks for the recommend, gotta get a copy like right now...
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I have a hydraulic powered assault cow cuddler.
View attachment 7577480
That one won't lay 'em on the side though, will it? The manual one we had on the ranch would do that. I fucking hated that work. I find it really hard to respect cows, don't know what it is, maybe it's just me. They're a lot like the humans of the animal world.

$75 per hour, booked through summer!!!

I'll let you pet my dog for $50 per hour AND you can do it on the beach!

I'm guessing this business plan won't work in NE though. Wait until mom hears about this one!
 
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Reactions: myronman3
is that like giving thanks for a steak before you grill it , I tried to hug a cow once even the cow knew it was only a ploy to get close enough to paint it with bbq sause not sure who got the worst of it I was pretty much covered in mud from falling and the cow well it definitely had been sauced two empty jars worth a harmless drunken Saturday night cow tipping gone awry .

 
I honestly thought this thread was gonna be about the Dependapotimus .