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Maggie’s Craigslist find

yerbyray

Private
Full Member
Minuteman
Aug 22, 2011
51
4
55
western North Carolina
http://greenville.craigslist.org/spo/3205808757.html

Big Game Hunting Help needed - $1 (Mountains of Ga.)

Big GAme Hunting Help needed

Two of my friends and I have grown bored with large game hunting here. There just isn't any real sense of adventure and very little danger. We have tried drunk tree stand hunting but it just isn't as exhilarating as we planned.
The three of us got to thinking at church Sunday that maybe we need to take it to the next level and hunt the most dangerous game.
Before you start lecturing and preaching on the moral dilemma that this poses; we factored in the cost of grizzly bear, polar bear, and big cat hunting here in the US; but we just can't afford it. Yes we know that would be the simplest solution but in this economic time period we must not be too outrageous after all big game hunting is expensive initially and money is tight.
Our plan now involves either the homeless, we have spoken to a few and they haven't been too receptive even when we said that they could be armed with a single shot .410 shotgun and have five rounds of birdshot , or maybe find someone we could compensate here on Craigslist.
We are looking for someone who isn't in the best physical condition as two of us are fat and get winded easily so chasing someone is totally out. We also don't want someone who isn't really good at field craft or hiding as our goal is, after all, having a successful hunt. We plan on doing this at night so it ought to be a white guy. . .please don't call us racists as we would like to hunt a black dude but just not at night. It would be as fair to us as hunting an albino in the snow.
Our plan would be to dress you up in some really thick clothes and one of our old football helmets (its bright green but we can find some spray paint) and agree to only shoot at you from like a hundred yards.
The three of us would like to meet and discuss your compensation; it will be much more generous than the 34 cans of Busch Light, a grocery cart with only one bad wheel, and a pair of size 7.5 running shoes that we made to the homeless.

PM me if you are interested.

FYI I checked with the game wardens and we won't need a license or big game tags for this.

• Location: Mountains of Ga.
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 
Re: Craigslist find

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: High Binder</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Somebody has been watching too much Hard Target. </div></div>

LOL I was thinking Surviving the Game.....
 
Re: Craigslist find

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Saito</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: High Binder</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Somebody has been watching too much Hard Target. </div></div>

LOL I was thinking Surviving the Game.....</div></div>

same movie, different actors


THE REPLY:

dear redneck inbred Fuc!s, i'd be glad to take you up on your offer. keep the clothing, helmets and any other compensation.

i do not need to be armed, nor do i need to get my travel expenses reimbursed.

i am a good runner, however to even the playing field i will go barefoot.

there are a couple things i do request:

1 gal of hickory smoke BBQ sauce, by bullseye.
3 lbs of butter
8 cloves of garlic
5 lbs of onions
1 roll of toilet paper.

i figure by the second hour of the beginning of the night hunt, by the time you are done fumbling with the ammo on the reload as you probably can't hit shit, some where out of the darkness i will come silently and swiftly fracturing the skull of one of your fat friends with a well placed rock strike. the ensuing panic would scatter the remaining two, or put you in enough panic that you both will not be thinking straight enough to form a sound tactical plan. at this time i will retrieve your lifeless friend and start marinating him in the butter, onions and garlic.

i will let you believe you are escaping, after 90 minutes of adrenaline coursing through your bodies (this adds a natural flavor) i will begin by exposing myself. you will either do 2 things...run in the other direction, or claim vengence for your fallen friend and mount a charge. while you fire your .410, the muzzle blast will ruin your night vision giving me enough concealment to return to the bush and approach from your six. this is where i impale your second fat friend (later using the sharpened hardwood as a rotisserie, basting with the BBQ sauce). by the way i will be wearing the face of your first friend to make sure that you will be as mentally stressed as possible.

this is where the fun begins. as you try to make your way back to where you came from, i will leave tiny reminders of your fallen friends up ahead of what i anticipate to be your escape route, occasionally remind you of my presence by making the strangest of noises, but never speaking any human language, and snapping a few sticks in your vicinity to let you know i'm there too.

by about the 7th or 8th hour, as you beg for a quick and painless sweet release of death, you will be approached by me, still wearing your friends face skin as a mask. this is where you subdued, and knocked unconcious. upon awakening you will find yourself tied helplessly in the bent over position getting butt F'd by a homeless homo that i gave 34 cans of Busch Light, a grocery cart with only one bad wheel, and a pair of size 7.5 running shoes if i could watch.

BTW the toilet paper is so that i can wipe my ass after i'm done shitting your buddies out to retain a trophy of this magnificant hunt without suspicious human evidence of the quarry in question. i checked with planned parenthood, they said it's ok to do without a license or tag as the gene pool had to get drained a little in the greenville area anyway.

after 4 days i will return to retrieve you from the homeless guy. i do enjoy a cream filled dessert.

PM me, i can come at any time.



moral of the story: fat people taste better in sauce, and homeless will do anything for beer.
 
Re: Craigslist find

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Saito</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: High Binder</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Somebody has been watching too much Hard Target. </div></div>

LOL I was thinking Surviving the Game..... </div></div>

LOL is that the one with Ice T?