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Maggie’s Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

shankster..

shankster..

Gunny Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
May 11, 2004
3,089
55
North Idaho
http://www.amazon.com/Zenith-96-0529-403...howViewpoints=1

<span style="font-weight: bold">" I was looking for G-Shock Casio watch for my camping trips and I somehow came across this wonderful timepiece on Amazon.
I liked the way it looked and I was so impressed by all the features that I forgot to look at the price and placed an order. First clue that something's not right came when I got a call from my credit card company about suspicious charge on my account, but when I heard that charge from Amazon (and I blindly trust Amazon) I didn't listen further and approved the charge. When I received the watch I LOVED it, I put it on my wrist right away and took it to my camping trip. When I got back from my trip I had a credit card bill waiting for me in the mail.
Long story short. I loved this watch and decided to keep it. It's perfect for my camping trips. Yes, I had to sell my house and my car, I now live in my camping tent under the bridge, having grilled rats for dinner, but man this watch totally worth it."</span>
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

<span style="font-weight: bold">"I wasn't going to buy this watch, but then I noticed Amazon had it with $58,000 off! What a deal. With the money I saved I purchased a brand new BMW and still had money left over for a Disney vacation. How many watches save you money to buy a car and a vacation?

Now whenever I see someone with money troubles I tell them to buy this watch and save $58,000. I am considering buying 10 of these watches so I can save $580,000 and buy a house on cash. Retirement saving is also no longer a concern for me, as I plan to buy one every year and live off the $58,000 I save. "</span>
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

shank, what exactly do you do besides comb the asshole of the internet all day?
smile.gif
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

"It's a decent watch - I mean, it's no CASIO CA53W-1 Watch with Calculator, but not too bad for the price. My only real complaints are that it clashes with my The <span style="font-weight: bold">Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee</span> and that the latch rubs my wrist raw whenever I hoist a fresh gallon of <span style="font-weight: bold">Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz</span> to my expertly mustachioed lips."

One of the best Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee reviews:

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."

http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Wol...e=UTF8&show
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

dude whatever happened to the guy that was writing reviews for things like the gardening gloves, or the 12 dollar tin bucket on amazon? That was on for like 2 days before they deleted all his reviews, but it was some of the funniest stuff ever.

I still have this suspicion it was 41.
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: COURAGEWOLF</div><div class="ubbcode-body">dude whatever happened to the guy that was writing reviews for things like the gardening gloves, or the 12 dollar tin bucket on amazon? That was on for like 2 days before they deleted all his reviews, but it was some of the funniest stuff ever.

I still have this suspicion it was 41. </div></div>

LOL. Good times. That guy was epic in his reviews.
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

Can't go wrong with a Chuck Norris reference
wink.gif



<span style="font-weight: bold">The Zenith Men's Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch or Z.M.D.X.T.B.T.C.M. as I like to call it, is by far the most awesome watch. Chuck Norris riding into the Super Bowl on the back of Godzilla and round house kicking the crowd is no where near as awesome as this priceless poon magnet. When I was just moments from sending my $100k to some needy neo-hippie help group, I stumbled onto this gem. It was like the heavens opened and Jesus himself appeared with this same watch on. I mean how can you not follow Jesus when he's rocking a watch of this caliber. So I asked "What would Jesus do?" Jesus pimp smacked me and said "Forget those hippies, buy the watch!" I was like "HECK YEAH." I busted out my Discover card and bought this rocking piece of art. I mean its art but its also practical too. Like when I take my summer trips to the Marianas Trench, I have no more worries that I am going to miss Tea Time back on the yacht, because water ruined my watch again. It can withstand the immense pressures of the deep due to the wicked awesome titanium. Deep seas, cant beat this. Bullets cant beat this. Heck, I can deflect cruise missiles and the apocalypse. With a watch like this you don't need to tell time, you tell people what time it is. </span>
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

LOL at Jack Bauer

I think a proper review of this watch needs to be done categorically.

Awesomeness: As one reviewer succintly put it, this watch is more awesome than Chuck Norris riding Godzilla. However, that statement indicates that the reviewer clearly has not realized the full awesomness of the watch, as depicted by its "Pandora Setting" whereby a holographic image of Chuck Norris suplexing Gandhi is displayed in full scale. When I first saw it I thought "yeah, that's pretty awesome, but what if I want him to do something different like punching Rosie O'donnel in the face?" Well, my friends, that option can be downloaded straight from the watch's own satellite.

Value: Poor people can't buy it, which makes it automatically better. The sad-face expressions on people at the soup kitchen when I show it off are beyond priceless. One time I made a guy think I was going to give it to him because he liked it, but then I was like "naw man, you would probably just sell it and buy a house or something. That's lame."

Ability to conquer foreign lands: This watch actually caused several earthquakes in third-world countries when I set my alarm for multiple time zones.

Ability to offend hippies: It offends hippies. All of them.

Ability to offend bleeding-heart whiners: This one chick was like "you could sell that and build a house for poor people!" And I was like "yeah, I totally could. But that would be stupid because then I wouldn't have this awesome watch." She was upset, which was pretty cool.

Ability to cure disease: If everyone bought this watch, absolutely no money would go to disease research and all the people with disease would die so all the disease would die with them. It's sound logic and in the owner's manual for the watch.

Ability to stop terrorists: I would say that Jack Bauer wears this watch, but this watch actually wears Jack Bauer as an accessory.

Faults: There is only one fault with this watch -- that it is priced low enough for wannabes and posers to buy it. I want a watch that only the most elite can afford; I don't want to see Joe Blow wearing this watch because then I would have to throw it away. That's why it got four stars instead of five.

Also, I bought two of them because I like to put them both in a cage and watch them fight for my love.
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

LoLz..

This review is from: Zenith Men's 96.0529.4035/51.M Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch (Watch)
Being a Space Cowboy and part time Pirate, I really needed a watch that could keep up with the demands of my career. I especially found this helpful the other day. I was just lounging around on my personal space station, and noticed that a panel had come loose. But not to worry! I just activated the watches built-in anti-matter exchange circuitry, which formed a protective bubble around me, went outside, and used the patented Zenith Electro-lectic Concentrating Laser Repeater to weld the panel back on. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Another feature I enjoyed was that it actually also keeps time from the 34th dimension, which I visit quit often. No worries about missing Gelekcor the Moon Raider anymore, this watch teleports me to my lounge so I can enjoy the finest in inter-dimensional entertainment.

Thanks Zenith!
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

I bought this watch in the hopes that I would be able to keep track of time while I was scuba diving in volcanic lava. After only one 20 minute dive the watch stopped working for some reason. I sent it back to Zenith and they claimed the watch was not lava resistant past 30 feet. I was only diving in 20 feet of lava so I told the CEO to his face that he was a big fat liar. Then I drove to their manufacturing facility and broke in during the night to procure myself a new watch as they refused to replace the first ninety thousand dollar piece of crap I bought from them. Once insdide Zenith's top secret facilty I confirmed what I had suspected all along. A room full of Umpa Loompa's rebadging Casio G-Shock watches with a cheap titanium exterior and stamping $145,000 price tags on them. Thank god amazon.com convinces Zenith to allow a mark down of 40% of retail. Knowing that I'm saving $57,000 every time I purchase one of these turds keeps me coming back for more. Thanks Zenith for keeping the american dream of owning the ugliest most expensive watch money can buy alive and well
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

Those reviews were priceless. Seriously, a buddy of mine was actually thinking of buying a Zenith watch. Are you f#cking kidding me?
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

Hey WTF!!! They are now out of stock. Did you guys buy them all?
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

What the hell...

I finally received my watch after 8 days not wanting to pay an extra $[...] for express shipping. As I opened the 24 carat golden box and viewed the watch for the very first time, I hear the faint sound of angels singing. It was the closest thing to an out of body experience. I could not wait to wear it to work the next day and show all of my co-workers at the sanitation department. The next morning, as I was driving to work, I looked into my rear view mirror and noticed a school bus weaving in and out of traffic and going at an excessive rate of speed. As it passed by me doing over 100mph, I realized that the brakes on the school bus were not working. This was horrible as the bus was loaded with small children. I knew that I had to do something quick as it was headed for a bad curve along a 200 foot cliff! I sped up and got right behind the bus just when it crashed through the guardrail and hurled over the edge of the cliff, I pressed the "stop time" button on my new Zenith 96.0529.4035 Xtreme watch. Everything around me simply froze in time except myself and my car. I exited my car, opened the back emergency door of the bus and carried every child out to safety. During this, I did stop for a brief moment and ate lunch from one of the lunch boxes that had fallen to the floor. I then started time back into movement and the bus hurled over the cliff into a huge ball of flames. 48 children lived that day due to my Zenith watch. Thank you Zenith.
 
Re: Epic Amazon Watch Reviews For A $84,000 Watch

Just posted my own for the skit

Hi all,

My son wanted a Ben 10 watch for his birthday, I tried everywhere looking for a deal but to no avail. The cheapest marked down price I could find was by 12 euro! I was disgusted until I discovered this little doozy. I had just got off the phone to our realter to put our house up for sale but my wife had found this Xtreme Tourbillion Titanium watch at that stage. Now even I was sceptical at the beginning, a watch superceding Ben 10s but would also save us 58 grand!

I ordered the watch after a short chat with my wife, the initial order was refused as we didnt have enough money on our visa to cover the extortionate shipping costs. However after our neighbour let us borrow his card and we left our Escalade as security with him we finally got our order accepted.

The very next day (no kidding!) the watch arrived. My son tore the watch from its fancy box and placed it on his wrist. It was like a scene from the movie 'the mummy returns' when the kid puts the bracelet of Anubis on his wrist. It was then we noticed a major fault with the watch. I went from hero to zero in an instant. As my son changed into the various mutated forms each possesing unique attributes just like the real Ben 10, we noticed that we only counted 9 transformations. One of the characters was missing. After a quick google search we noticed 'heat blast' was missing.

My son threw the watch to the ground and fled to his room. He hasnt eaten in 14 weeks now, my wife has filed for divorce and the strange itching sensation between my toes has returned. My life is now ruined.

DO NOT BE CONNED BY THESE TRICKSTERS. I HAVE SPENT THE 58 THOUSAND DOLLARS I SAVED ON SURGERY AFTER I SET FIRE TO MYSELF WHILE WEARING THE WATCH TO TRICK MY SON THAT THE 'HEAT BLAST' CHARACTER COMES WITH THE WATCH!!!!!
 
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