Explain this. Serious thread.

[Bender]

My “niece” for lack of better explanation of relation is living with us while going to college, she is brilliant, 4.0 kid in medical classes, zero issues. Zero debt, paid cash for her used car, working as a tutor for the college. At age 19. Has the world by the tail and knows it.

I explain this because she has a cousin who is similar in age but 180 degrees polar opposite. Aside from both of them being absolutely beautiful, that is where the similarities end. Her cousin was/is absolutely spoiled, won’t drive her brothers 2 year old car because it’s not new and wasn’t bought for her. Throws fits when she doesn’t get her way. Is all over Facebook posting risky photos, needs to be the center of attention all of the time. I could go on, your typical entitled spoiled brat. Well, just over a year ago her father committed Suicide, violently. Whole other story. Worse than you can think. I won’t share, anyway, this girl was a spoiled kid before and even more after his death. It’s a sad horrible story. A year ago, a few months after her dad died, she attempted Suicide herself. Sad and horrible, she obviously wasn’t successful. Family got her help, but she is still spoiled, even after. She got the attention she wanted. Seemed to be doing much better, year and a few weeks go by, no issues. Until this past Saturday.

Gentlemen, I joke and kid and make fun of everything. There are a few things I won’t joke about, others wives/women and kids, and Suicide. So know with certainty I would not kid about this or make up a story to gain favor or poke fun at someone’s personal issues.

I am not a perfect man, I do go to church and consider myself Christian. But I acknowledge higher power than my own.

Last Saturday this girl was doing “fine” by her definition, and her mom and family were headed to see a movie and left her alone. Well, she decided to steal her moms SUV and head for the highway at high speed. Then she eyed an industrial sized three-phase power pole at 70mph on a back road. The SUV hit it dead center at speed. The power pole fell and wires were all around the car. Direct hit. Windshield intact but smashed from airbag. Steering wheel touching the drivers seat. Doors smashed shut, So I’m told.

When the fire rescue showed up, she was sitting next to the car crying and raging mad. She didn’t remember the crash but she remembered steering for the power pole. She had a scratch on her head and a few bumps and scrapes on her arms. No broken bones or anything severe. No airbag burn.

It gets weirder..... the glass sunroof is missing, not as in smashed, just missing, no broken glass from it, no frame even. Gone.

And her flip flops were found still in the footwell by the brake and gas pedals.

She is getting more acute professional help this time through the VA. Her dad was an air force vet.

I’m at a loss guys.

I hope she recovers. Her cousin that lives with us is doing fine. I hope to gather more information to help explain it.

Or maybe we don’t look for an explanation and just pray she finds her purpose.

 

[Snipe260]

prayers sent from me!

 

[Blue Sky Country]

Damn man! You got my prayers and hopes that everything will be all right.

That kind of shit is truly hard on the nerves, especially for someone on the side watching a loved one slide down the slope. She is alive and we must be thankful for that first. And second, this has attracted enough attention to warrant intervention from multiple parties. Once again, I hope everything turns out fine, man. The brothers of the Hide are here for ya.

 

[spurrnch]

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[armorpl8chikn]

Prayers my friend.

I see you and I have much in common. I know like Isaiah I am a man of unclean lips, not a good example of a Christian. At the same time I know who holds tomorrow, and believe on him. I know I'm a sinner who needs grace every day.

I'll pray for your family brother, and this troubled girl.
I've been through some tough places with my oldest, still am. I've just had to put it in God's hands. She lost her birth mother to Huntington's, and my late wife(cardiac arythmia at 40) was the only mother she really knew for 19 years. Hard for a kid to lose 2 mothers before the age of 23.
She has serious problems and it's nearly drove me insane. Like I said, l had to turn it over to God, and believe that he will redeem her.

I'll keep you and her in my prayers.

 

[RNWRKNP]

Prayers sent amigo and damn sorry the family is going through this. Seems to me, the man in charge has clearly stated that it’s not her time and hopefully she sees that with different choices as a result.

 

[Slash0311]

Smoke and prayers sent...

 

[Kickin45]

Prayers, counseling, possible meds if needed, and more counseling.
It may come out through counseling that she is dealing with something she may not consciously be aware of, or that it even happened.
The important thing is that she get help

 

[Inifinty]

Sorry, prayers sent as well. That can be a tough age for some trying to find thier self. Especially if we haven’t learned quite yet that hard work opens doors and while working towards results to not get overly distracted with things that don’t add value to our lives.

She may have goals, just not confident in how to achieve them. Breaking them down into smaller more manageable and rewarding milestones can help.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Bender, I'm sure you get the context of when I reference the "I'm Smarter Now" thread. The situation sucks. All Ya'll,,, the situation sucks. I'm sorry to hear it, and I'm glad that ya'll care. That's what sets us apart from the "apathetic ones."

Let Go and Let God, absolutely.

As for the certain individuals.... the ONLY way they are going to get ahead of this, is if/when they start to WANT to live. It's getting them to the point of their seeing it themselves, or IN themselves, to attain that goal.

Otherwise, everyone else is just playing goalie TRYING to prevent another from succeeding.

All I bring are more questions, right? I pray that there is a modicum of clarity in there, too!

 

[Loonhunter]

Sometimes all you can do is love. Make sure she knows that you and your family love her unconditionally. Do what you can to steer her to grace. She needs some healing only He can provide. Love her along the way.
Never underestimate the power of prayer.

 

[AIAW]

No doubt about it - that's a tough situation. Not to sound blunt or insensitive when I say this but it is obvious that the cries for help were the 2 failed suicide attempts. The next one may not be a failure sadly. I can picture her overall attitude very precisely from your description, and if she wasn't having these suicidal issues I'd say she just needs a good primer on how the real world works and perhaps a small kick in the ass. Generally attitude is #3 or so on the list, whereas trying to prove to someone that nothing that is going on in their life, no matter what, is worth taking it; comes in #1.

Do what you can of course, but do realize that there is only one person that can fix the issues that a present... and that is herself! A good counselor should be able to assist with that, over time.

Is the girl that is staying with you close to the girl that's having some issues perhaps?

 

[Mwalex]

Sorry for your situation as it hurts all involved.

The troubled girl needs deep therapy to determine what the root issue really is. In order for therapy to work she MUST be honest about what has happened or is currently happening. As another poster stated she has not truly attempted suicide because you either kill yourself or you don’t. These were cries for help or attention but that would get sorted out in honest therapy.

I wish everyone the best but it is up to her and no one can help her but herself.

 

[2ndamendfan]

Prayers sent.

You can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink. She has to fix herself. Hopefully she will listen to therapist/counselor. Ultimately the decision is hers.

 

[CuTm]

It’s all for a reason. Our hardest times sharpen us and harden us. It all has its purpose. One only knows of mistakes because someone made them. Prayers sent.

 

[Alderleet]

Most people when they are like that, are stuck in a rut.

"SWIM" went through a similar phase once, and a family member noticed, and decided to take SWIM on a small vacation with them for a week. The new experience and fun, helped "SWIM" break through the crippling shit they we're dealing with at home, especially since it was fairly remote and cell phones didnt work.

 

[jakelly]

Selfishness and humanism are Godlessness. They have never failed to leave man empty. Eventually everything is corrupt, nothing is wrong, and nothing is fun. She’s probably got no reason to go on with life.

 

[acudaowner]

prayers sent . never underestimate the life transforming power of a good leather belt when it meets a needy backside you can move mountains . if its your family .

 

[diverdon]

Bender, I read all of what you said, and because I'm a grade A Asshole I read (inferred) two things you did not say.

(1) There is an excellent possibility that this spoiled entitled child is using the specter of suicide to control the agenda of her entire family and keep the spotlight and the money focused where they belong, on her. Of course most medical professionals are never going to tell you or her this even if they know it to be true. If this is the case the behavior will most likely continue until her dramas no longer yield the result she desires.

(2) You feel the need to do something to help. Your natural impulse of sympathy both for the girl and her family causes you to feel the need to take some action, to somehow put the train back on the tracks. For this both you and her immediate family will recieve my prayers for your success.

And Yet: in the end you mist understand that sometimes free people make bad choices. You are not and can not be her master who controls her each movement therefore if all your efforts fail it is not your fault. You will never require forgiveness nor absolution for the actions of another.

 

[Redmanss]

Off the cuff, this sounds like a combination of histrionic and manic, and that's a VERY bad combination. Things like this are only dealt with by giving 100% professional focus, and that is in the form of residential mental health care where the experts can get into the nitty-gritty of what is going on in that young lady's life. Following that, she needs some good mentorship to put her on a path to what she wants out of life. Being out of school, that can be difficult to find because anyone who is already an authority figure in her life is probably already viewed in a bad light to her.

I'm not sure what the VA would be doing for her, but it certainly sounds like she needs a trip to Evanston (where the state hospital is) if they're not putting her in residential care, at least for the short term. I know my lady would certainly have sent her that way if she was the one reviewing the case.

You have my number, give me a holler if you have any questions I can push over to my better half. It's kind of her arena.

 

[diverdon]

never underestimate the life transforming power of a good leather belt when it meets a needy backside you can move mountains . if its your family .

At 19 years old, and because Bender is not her father that idea while possibly effective more likely would result in criminal charges against Bender, were he to implement it.

 

[Dewey7271]

Prayers sent.
My wife’s mother committed suicide when my wife was twelve. Pills. My wife found her. She’s had councilors, shrinks etc on and off for years. Takes antidepressants too. With that said she’s still gets twisted up sometimes 44 years later.
My point in that is our nature is to “fix” things. Sorry to say you may not be able to completely fix it. BUT, you may be able to make it bearable for her and allow her to move on. Sometimes on these you have to settle for ok instead of great. Don’t get me wrong, try for great but it just may not be possible.
The way my wife gets through is family with a little medicinal help.
As an aside. Suicide imo is the most selfish thing a person can do. They’re gone but the implications and emotions ripple through the family forever. It permeates some of the family forever. Unfortunately, you’re seeing this.
All I can offer is this brief missive, prayers, good thoughts and hope for healing.
BTW, if she is like my wife was when younger, the belt, as mentioned earlier, is probably not the solution.
You have a tightrope to walk here brother. I wish you luck also.
And if you need to talk, pm and I’ll give you my number.

 

[Tucker301]

Her easy life has set her up to feel useless and worthless.
In my opinion what she needs to do is be exposed to someone or something who has none of what she has.
Looks, smarts, loving family, material things - all of it.
She needs someone who needs her. Not someone who says they need her, and then goes off in other directions. Someone who absolutely needs her assistance and care. If it's not a person through some kind of program, then perhaps a service animal.

 

[pmclaine]

I think I see where your mystery comes from.

Im not a religious person per say but I know there is something greater than us out there. Does that high power intercede in our daily lives I dont know but sounds like for some reason your niece has been given a second (third) chance.

I dont know where the entitlement or expectation comes from.

I have those issues with my kids and I think Im pretty consevative with them.

We do give the kids experiences I never had growing up, family trips, family dinners, offers to help with school work, etc that I never had growing up. I never saw the inside of a plane until I went to Parris Island but my kids have been on some amazing trips.

They want for little yet there seems to be no appreciation or even a return in respect or behavior that shows an understanding that what they are getting is "special'.

Just talking to a coworker and he was telling me of his sons autoimmune issues, some serious stuff. Both my kids have autoimmune issues. Just about every parent I talk to laments some autoimmune issue their kid is having.

I wonder how many of these kids are effected by something like a tainted food system and it manifests itself in some mental health issues brought on by immune reactions.

That or the fact the school systems seem to be so lax in discipline as well the education material is weak on enforcing traditional behavior norms.

I get the mystery of your niece.

I hope it was divine intervention, likely it means she is going to be okay.

 

[Kir]

LaCroix's Suicide Speech​

Life is a gift, as sweet as a ripe peach, as precious as a gilded jewel. I have never been able to understand the logic of willfully surrendering such a treasure. And what is there to gain? How dark can your existence be when compared to an eternal void? Unless, of course, you have faith that there is something beyond.
What do you see from where you stand? A bright light at the end of the tunnel? Is it a ray of hope? A glimmer of something better? Or will it burn you like the rising sun? Is that sound you're hearing the trumpeting of St. Peter's angels or the screams of Memnoch's tortured souls?
You can't answer that, can you? Because you will never know the answer, until after the deed is done. And is your faith really that strong?
I understand the need to move on. It is something that happens to us all, and your time has truly come. I also understand that with the beauty of this life, there comes pain and despair. No one is immune. But consider what you have in your hands before you give it up. Don't trade a treasure for an empty box.

Love. It warps our senses, twists our souls...can take us past hope, past cure, past help. I know about love: it's suffering, it's anguish, it's pain. Heaven makes means to kill our joy with love. And yet we must have it, at any cost. But are you so enamored that you'll overlook your love of life? And you do love it. I've seen you smell the sea, gaze at the stars at night. Are you willing to sacrifice one mistress for another? Look into your heart and tell me that you're willing to make the choice.

 

[Deleted member 10043]

She definitely had a guardian angel. No doubt about it.

 

[mudpig]

Prayers are with you Brother! Definitely sounds like her time was/is not up. She has been saved to fulfill a purpose at a later time. Until then I wish you the best and remember that you cannot control other's actions and cannot take the responsibility for other's actions. God bless you and your family.

 

[Strykervet]

Man... I feel for 'ya.

I'd hate to be a kid today. Constant 24 hour judgement, unrealistic expectations all around, caustic society, constant advertisements and propaganda geared towards programming a response, to name a few; they're just inundated. Can't be a kid. Add to that losing her father and everything else, it's just overwhelming.

Unplugging and finding some peace would go a long way. It's the one thing none of them are familiar with. In my opinion anyway, it can't hurt.

 

[Liberator52]

My prayers that someone can get inside this gals head and get it sorted out. . . .

 

[Nik H]

Really sorry my friend. I don’t have much to offer other than hopes and prayers that she finds her way before long.

Can’t imagine the stress on her family. Try to keep focused and help in whatever way you can.

Sometimes all you can do is listen.

 

[Loonhunter]

Somewhere there’s an angel holding a sunroof saying, “what the heck do I do with this”?

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Prayers sent.
My wife’s mother committed suicide when my wife was twelve. Pills. My wife found her. She’s had councilors, shrinks etc on and off for years. Takes antidepressants too. With that said she’s still gets twisted up sometimes 44 years later.
My point in that is our nature is to “fix” things. Sorry to say you may not be able to completely fix it. BUT, you may be able to make it bearable for her and allow her to move on. Sometimes on these you have to settle for ok instead of great. Don’t get me wrong, try for great but it just may not be possible.
The way my wife gets through is family with a little medicinal help.
As an aside. Suicide imo is the most selfish thing a person can do. They’re gone but the implications and emotions ripple through the family forever. It permeates some of the family forever. Unfortunately, you’re seeing this.
All I can offer is this brief missive, prayers, good thoughts and hope for healing.
BTW, if she is like my wife was when younger, the belt, as mentioned earlier, is probably not the solution.
You have a tightrope to walk here brother. I wish you luck also.
And if you need to talk, pm and I’ll give you my number.

Dewey is absolutely right/correct, when he suggests that "suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do". And it is even moreso, when the suicide attempt was unsuccessful, BUT absolutely debilitated that person into needing immediate attentive care 24 hours a day, 17 days a week, 132 days a month, and 11 thousand months a year.

Simply because, THAT is what time turns into, for the rest of the family (read: His wife and his daughter) to look after him. The wife decided that her vows were important to her, and the "in sickness and in health/for better or for worse" was on her. So obviously, that means she automatically volunteered her daughter to be a part of every single point of caring for 'dad' at home. You name it, all day, every day, they are the two who're 'doing EVERYTHING' out of love and commitment.

I've been making the running joke here for some time now, about thinking of converting from Christianity to Buddhism. Simply because, they believe in reincarnation. That way, maybe my next life will be a good one. As it is, from that day, our lives ended. I used to have a wife, I used to have a life, and when the FIL is in the hospital then the MIL is living here with us. And yeah, the BIL moved in with us 2 months ago, due to his wife leaving him because he had his leg amputated and he's not a "whole man" anymore. She couldn't handle it.

So yeah,,,,, "selfish"..... that doesn't even BEGIN to describe the situation. I wonder if the topic of 'animosity' should be brought up?

Probably not. I don't see that ending well.

 

[oneshot86]

she had a guardian angel for sure, as culpepper says...

and, she must have a very important reason to be here

i,m sorry to hear of your grief, stay well

 

[AIAW]

In addition to my comment last night (it was late and I was tired so I was a little quick). You are a good man for being concerned about this. Most wouldn't care - "not my problem".

Good on you mate, and best of luck with whatever method proves to be successful. There are many and unlocking which is always the best has fooled even the most educated in the field.

 

[ArmyJerry]

She could have depression

 

[cornhusker86]

You and yours will be in my prayers. Wish I had the answer.

 

[pmclaine]

Im guessing the Constitutional Amendment process will soon be based on popular vote.

 

[j-huskey]

Thoughts are with you, btdt, couple of tee shirts.... it's not easy and wont get easier.

Most states require an evaluation after a suicide attempt, the medical people are required to refer the person for 24-36 hour observation...

Most states Probate Judge can/do order observation after a suicide attempt.

If your state does not..... the closest living relative can go to the probate judge a file a petition for observation after said suicide attempt..... if that's you, DO IT !

Next option is state Social Services, adult division, you can go there....

Yes, some attempts are cries for help. Some are for the attention "they need, seek, crave, etc".
Either way, professional help should be sought.
a. Personal funds for care.
b. Insurance funds for care.
c. State Social Services for care.
d. Probate Judge court ordered (involuntary commitment) care.
e. Voluntary commitment to care.

Best to you in this

 

[Spblademaker]

Some people are just crazy and even negative attention is attention. You can try to guide them when they’re young. But there comes a time when you have to cut them loose. Good luck.

 

[Zeroit]

Godspeed mon frere. Please don't let it drag you and family down to the point where everyone is on 24 7 365 watch (not healthy) please get all the help you can for her I know you will. But there's a point where it's beyond your control. I know that's not acceptable to a lot of us strong willed individuals.

 

[Bender]

I don’t know her. Shirt tail relative. My “niece” is fine. They were close as kids but grew apart. She is doing fine. Sitting on my couch doing homework. The girl is at a professional facility for three months. I’m doing fine. I just feel horrible that a kid that could do anything she wanted, feels worthless.

 

[Srikaleak]

She could have depression

I'm sorry but this made me laugh. (Captain obvious skits running through my mind)

Some questions that might be worth asking: Did she suffer any abuse when she was really young? Often times abuse victims act out and it might be the source of her internal conflict. You truly need to address it to move past it. Repressed memories are a bitch.
Does she have the ability to go talk to a shrink? Does she want to go talk to a shrink? Can she be persuaded to talk to one?

When I was in my moment of Hell, my therapist helped me guide myself out of that pit. But I went in knowing I needed help and I was asking for help. If your niece doesn't want help there is no way you can force her to get it. See if you can find someone she can relate to that can guide her to the right path. Show her she can help herself rise above the obvious torments she's struggling through now.

 

[Bender]

It’s her parents. I won’t share. Not physical abuse. But plenty of unstable home and dad gone lots in the military. Poor decision making. I’ll say that much.

 

[ArmyJerry]

depression is nothng to laugh at,, not alway that obvious that is a problem... robin williams etc

I'm sorry but this made me laugh. (Captain obvious skits running through my mind)

Some questions that might be worth asking: Did she suffer any abuse when she was really young? Often times abuse victims act out and it might be the source of her internal conflict. You truly need to address it to move past it. Repressed memories are a bitch.
Does she have the ability to go talk to a shrink? Does she want to go talk to a shrink? Can she be persuaded to talk to one?

When I was in my moment of Hell, my therapist helped me guide myself out of that pit. But I went in knowing I needed help and I was asking for help. If your niece doesn't want help there is no way you can force her to get it. See if you can find someone she can relate to that can guide her to the right path. Show her she can help herself rise above the obvious torments she's struggling through now.

 

[Srikaleak]

depression is nothng to laugh at,, not alway that obvious that is a problem... robin williams etc

Oh no, not laughing at her situation but after reading through the entire thread and it paints the pretty obvious picture, for you to say that, it just caught me by surprise.

 

[Redmanss]

It's difficult to understand what is going on in someone's head., especially so when they don't want you to know. Fact #1 is ANYONE can attempt or commit suicide, there is absolutely no excluded type of person from it. Take this young lady for example: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-lost-girls-diary-alexandra-valoras/

TLDR version: Straight "A" student, beautiful, successful, outgoing, had friends, yet felt worthless inside to the point she jumped off a highway overpass to her death. However, I highly recommend reading her story though, apply it into your own life, and remember a question you ask of "How are YOU doing" might just save the life of a loved one. Give this lost lady and her family five minutes of your time, it's worth it.

Aside from that, Bender I'm glad you're not directly involved in the situation, I didn't get that part from your OP but it was early and I had to get off to work. Perhaps the young lady you have living with you can reach out to her, a nice letter to the place she's getting treatment at would likely go a long way to know folks still care for her.

Shit, I don't know her from Eve, yet I'd still pass on my digital signature to her that I care about her and her mental wellbeing. Consider it a form of a Hide/Bear Pit "Thinking about you, get well" card if something like that is even possible.

 

[ShooterwithNoName]

Man I hope everything works out for her, that is hard to deal with.

After reading your thread I'm curious about the accident. Sounds like she may have been freaking out while driving. I once was fiddling with a sunroof at 70mph that leaked. It wouldnt always seat just right and would drip.

So I was pressing upward on it one day going down the interstate and must have lifted the front just enough for the air to catch it. It straight up ripped it smooth off in an instant. I then felt very dumb getting blasted by rain after my sunroof went flying into the tall weeds, never to be seen again...

Is there any chance that she could have bailed before the impact? Maybe used the flip flops to jam the accelerator and ripped it into drive? I am with you, I dont understand how she came out of that wreck without serious damage. Sounds like she possibly either bailed or jammed the gas and let it fly.

Maybe she did ride it out? Anyways, I wish you all our best. Just an interesting scenario with the accident.

 

[ArmyJerry]

full disclosure, I only read OP before responding.

Oh no, not laughing at her situation but after reading through the entire thread and it paints the pretty obvious picture, for you to say that, it just caught me by surprise.

 

[Loonhunter]

Aj’s comment made me belly laugh.
“She could have depression “
No shit Sherlock!
Figured it was his meds...

 

[Greg Langelius *]

I seriously doubt that anyone who's experienced the suicide of an individual as close as the suicide (I refuse to use the word 'victim') without encombrancing some form of mental trauma, even if it's well hidden.

I'd keep an eye on them, and radiate some warmth, so they at least don't get the notion that nobody gives a rap for them as they deal with the situation.

A little warmth reaches pretty far.

I can relate some, I had some pretty low moments when I was initially dealing with my PTSD back in the 70's. I think everyone gives at least some shallow thought to suicide at such times, but I also think we mostly all reject it as something that's based in weakness and cowardice, and demonstrates a serious disrespect for our loved ones.

Once I'd worked that out, the entire concept became anathema.

Greg