so let me see if i get this straight...
he went out in a polar vortex at 2am in downtown Chicago to get a sandwich......he was accosted by 2 people he paid off and literally just got off the phone with, but couldnt recognize them because they were in white face.....they happened to have a noose and bleach with them and managed to get the noose on his neck....but he got away from 2 body builders intent on doing him harm without a scratch....he then took his time walking home, not bothering to use his cellphone to call the police....when he gets to his apt, he doesnt inform the doorman he was attacked, instead he goes straight to his apt and waits for 45 mins (presumably to enjoy his sandwich) to call the police, all the while still wearing the noose.
like seriously, does he honestly expect ANYONE to fucking believe this shit??
like just replace jussie smollet with larry david and that sounds more like the plot to an episode of Curb your enthusiasm