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Maggie’s Gorilla vs Brown bear

Forgetful Coyote

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Minuteman
Dec 13, 2011
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Best outta 3, who takes it? Im going with bear, overgrown lazy unarmed human aint fuckin with a apex predator.. jmo.

 
just looked up weights and measures on the two, 1st, really only one gorilla...
this is a good question, brown bear has the weight on the gorilla by double plus and both are brutally strong and defensive...
this one is for vegas, and a all night bender
 
what king of gorilla?

No, a queen gorilla.
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Vegas? Hell yes! We'll put it on Pay Per View!
 
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Might depend on location . Open field would increase bear's chances but forest would probably favor gorilla .
 
Might depend on location . Open field would increase bear's chances but forest would probably favor gorilla .

How so? I just dont see any scenario where the silverback could do much damage.. One good right hook from the bear and that gorilla is out cold or stunned big time atleast. Ive heard of big browns and grizz's straight up KO'ing Moose before with a good hit. The thumbs may help a little, but theres just no way the gorilla can really do much with the bear. Once it gets to a clinch the bears takin a chunk outta the thing every time.
 
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I am not one for cock fighting, dog fighting. But this sounds interesting. I don't see how a 400lbs gorrilla stands much of a chance against a 900+lbs coastal grizzly. Put it in a cage with a inland that is closer to the gorrillas weight and it would be fairer but i still think the grizzly would prevail.
 
No, a queen gorilla.
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Vegas? Hell yes! We'll put it on Pay Per View!

you are cart blaanch,one sick puppy
 
I am not one for cock fighting, dog fighting. But this sounds interesting. I don't see how a 400lbs gorrilla stands much of a chance against a 900+lbs coastal grizzly. Put it in a cage with a inland that is closer to the gorrillas weight and it would be fairer but i still think the grizzly would prevail.

put them in a cage and the next thing we know they become friends start drinking and we all are fucked
 
Gorilla violence involves a lot of bluffing and posturing. While there can be true aggressive violence -- and they're certainly built for it -- I think the mentality alone would put the gorilla at a disadvantage. Always bet on brown. Bear that is.

For the record, I find animal bloodsports like this completely revolting.

However, I think the more usual comparison question would be lion vs tiger. So I applaud your creativity. Though my money is on Sirhr and Tucker regaling us with some photoshopped 1J04 vs [???] humour.

And for the truly curious IIRC Roman records say the tiger usually won.
 
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sandwarrior - youre way up North in bear land right? Who ya think takes this one?

I just cant see any real advantage for the primate, I mean ya they got thumbs but so what we do too and people get fucked up by the likes of pitbulls all the time and theyre 1/4 our size. Scale up that human to a fat lazy silverback and scale up the pit to a giant starving grizz, odds aint looking good for our long lost 3rd cousin twice removed..
 
Best outta 3, who takes it? Im going with bear, overgrown lazy unarmed human aint fuckin with a apex predator.. jmo.

You just haven't experienced the right human. Toss a Zombie into the mix and all bets are off, or should be. But the show would be epic believe that. ;) Reminds me of the story outta Ethiopia when that woman fell into the crocodile pit back in 83. She ate four of them before being rescued. :eek: Crazy ass Humans.........













edit: shut up Cartman
 
So, since we're on about gorillas today, and, mind you, not just any gorillas, but queen gorillas (I mean, seriously, who knew that OneShot had this "Chim Chim" fixation goin' on, right?), while I'm out there on the Internet minding my own business, what do I run into, but this?

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So, I'm thinking, hmm, maybe this is a gold mine. So I click on the "go to site" link, and guess where the image is?

https://maserpatrol.wordpress.com/2...arning-post-may-contain-slight-gorilla-boobs/

Yeah, that's right. It's "Maser Patrol," which is, of course, gorilla tits central, because we know that this is the only way ol' "Jumentous Jones" is gettin' his hands on ANY primate pussy, let alone primate titties, short of free access to a liquor store and a girls' junior high for the wayward and the libidinous.


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Hey, all I do is observe, report, and fade like a ninja.

 
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looks like the only mother fucker with a gorilla chim chim fixation is you

So, was it really "queen gorilla," or did you mean "king"?

Better hope you don't live up to your nickname, One Shot, or that friendly ape might just rip your banana off at the roots.
 
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what the hell is the matter with you
i think you have that turbin pulled too tight...

Take it light, my friend, just funnin'. Now Maser Of The Apes, that's a different story.
 
i hear ya...
i just went up and reread and reread wondering what the fuck charged you up, then i found it, what king of gorilla..
i be coo

Shit, I figured that you had figured that one out hours ago. And now I got the whole of the "Maser Patrol" web site to play with. Your typo was pretty "coo," actually. ;)
 
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This just in from my mole at TMZ: Queen Chim Chim quoted as saying, "But I don't do any strap-on scenes." More details as they develop.
 
Bear. Hands down. No one has mentioned weapons. Bear has claws and teeth. Gorilla only has strength and teeth.

Thats what I meant when I said theyre basically lazy unarmed overgrown humans. I mean theyre definitely beasts, but standing at about 5.5 ft, 400lb, they just aint no match for them monster bruins up north.
 
Bear. Hands down. No one has mentioned weapons. Bear has claws and teeth. Gorilla only has strength and teeth.

Not to mention the jaw/snout design of the bear is far superior for taking out chunks of flesh.
 
sandwarrior - youre way up North in bear land right? Who ya think takes this one?

I just cant see any real advantage for the primate, I mean ya they got thumbs but so what we do too and people get fucked up by the likes of pitbulls all the time and theyre 1/4 our size. Scale up that human to a fat lazy silverback and scale up the pit to a giant starving grizz, odds aint looking good for our long lost 3rd cousin twice removed..

I have no earthly idea why you ask this question. It is inane in the fact the two species not only don't live on the same continent, but enough water separates them, that unless we interfere and put them together, they will never meet. Bears did not evolve in Africa. Apes did not evolve in N. America. Give either his natural habitat and you might have found yourself the winner.

FWIW, the big siverbacks are not lazy...and they are much smarter than bears.

Now, pick up your remote and switch back to the channel about things that really matter.
 
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Having witnessed a small/medium brown snap a cow nearly in half with a single paw swipe I'll take the bear in 30 seconds or less.
 
Having witnessed a small/medium brown snap a cow nearly in half with a single paw swipe I'll take the bear in 30 seconds or less.

Woah I gotta hear more about this. Are ya talking about livestock? Or cow elk? Cow moose? That sounds like a pretty amazing thing to see firsthand, obviously not for the owner if it was livestock, but still.
 
First of all... this belongs in The Bear Pit. I mean... that should be obvious.

Second... noone has come up with these yet? Bear-fu is weak tonite.

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Though I think, technically, that's a man in a monkey costume getting eaten by a bear.

However, primates always triumph over bear....



 
The bear would win.

In colonial times lions used to be imported to fight black bears for entertainment and to gamble on. This "sport" ended once everyone learned that a Bore Black Bear will kill a lion the same size he is every time thus without any one to bet on the lion the cost of importing lions for this could not be sustained.

Moral if the story is don't fight a bear. Not even a Panda. If you have to fight a bear---get a gun, not a gorilla.
 
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Woah I gotta hear more about this. Are ya talking about livestock? Or cow elk? Cow moose? That sounds like a pretty amazing thing to see firsthand, obviously not for the owner if it was livestock, but still.

Family farm north side of Beartooth Pass.
We would always have the occasional black running around but you could run those off with a broom. At least one of the cousins did one time, but she wasn't right in the head anyway.
Saw the brownie in one of the pastures chasing Herefords. Caught up to one and pawed it across the back right behind the shoulders.
Looking at the carcass it pretty much stapled the ribcage to the ground.

Only way the gorilla survives is to be non threatening and back away slowly. Touch the bear and all hell breaks loose.
 
im trying to find the article. it was a few pictures of old newspaper or pamphlet articles. there were several stories like Diverdon suggested.
Polar bear vs Lion, Grizz vs tiger etc, really cray stuff. One of the biggest fights i remember reading (seemed like Ali - Frazier) from the story was a specific lion vs a Polar bear. the lion "won" the fight after a few rounds (for betting i presume) but i believe the lion died the next day. i think the polar bear stopped fighting or became too exhausted but before he actually put the lion in a Bear Hug and the crowd heard the lions ribs cracking.
most if not all of the fights were not to the death it seemed like MMA rules so the owners would jump in with whips and bars and cage them up.
 
Bear. Hands down. No one has mentioned weapons. Bear has claws and teeth. Gorilla only has strength and teeth.

OK, so the bear has any Glock you want, and the gorilla has a kbar
 
So much shitty news lately, so gonna necro this thread. Interesting video, looks real as hell to my eyes..?? Under MMA rules/judging, I'd say the Tiger had more top control for longer and appeared to have the upper hand majority of the time:


Lion had a ton of fight in him tho, god dang
 
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So much shitty news lately, so gonna necro this thread. Interesting video, looks real as hell to my eyes..?? Under MMA rules/judging, I'd say the Tiger had more top control for longer and appeared to have the upper hand majority of the time:


Lion had a ton of fight in him tho, god dang



Remember. You brought this on yourself! :cool: :ROFLMAO:


 
A retarded gorilla would win this fight. Here is my theory.

Gorilla is stronger than a chimp, chimp is stronger than 10 men, retard is twice as strong as the average guy. I'm guessing the retarded gorilla is roughly 25-30 times stronger than the average human.
 
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