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Here's a great list of thoughts to go over at any age.

As I have 21 workdays until retirement here are a few things I learned.

1. Most people can literally go fuck themselves.

2. Half of all people are below average. It is perfectly reasonable to expect to deal with a fucking idiot 50% of the time.

3. In my life, I have always been impressed by the number and type of people who will simply fucking lie to your face or behind your back.

4. Trust but verify.

5. Anyone who tells you they are honest, is not honest. Honest people deal with you honestly. I've never heard an honest person tell me, "you can trust me". A lying sack of shit says it every time.

6. If your girlfriend/boyfriend/pansexual lover is always accusing you of cheating or constantly anxious about where you are or what you are doing it is because they are cheating on you. Jealous people are afraid you are going to do to them what they are doing to you.

7. Never loan money to friends or relatives, EVER. Any money you give them has to be money that you would flush down the toilet. If they give you the Corvette and the title signed over to cover the loan............................maybe.

8. There is no reason ever to go to the LBGQTRACSBTRY luncheon at work..........................................ever.

9. If you have finally got a grown-up job, start saving for retirement. My grade school principle was born in the 1890's and still working in 1970. In my yearbook he wrote, "Save your money". He was right, if he had saved more money he would have been retired a decade before. I married a cunt and she cost me a decade of my life's work. I was single for twenty years afterwards and had to restart my life. I've met my goals and am going to retire at 61.

10. Be very, very careful who you marry. They can ruin your fucking life and some of them take pride in it. If your girl/boy/pansexual friend has an ex that he/she/it treats like absolute shit, that is going to be YOU at some point. Crazy people rarely can act normal for six months, do not make quick decisions that can cost you a lifetime of misery.

11. Get a hobby. I work with dozens of people who should have retired years ago but will not or cannot. They are either broke as fuck and at the casino hoping for some dumb luck or they have no friends, hobbies or interests outside of work. I've seen several retire at 75 and die by time they are 80.
 
Mom was right. She said, "Don't argue with an idiot. Someone might see you and not know who is the idiot."

On the flip side, Bill Cosby once noted:
"Why does your mother say to have on clean underwear in case you are in an accident?

Because first, you say it. Then, you do it."
 
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I asked my grandfather "Whats your advice for life, grandpa?"

"Be good and save your money."

But on that list just do #35 and all the rest will fall into place.
 
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A couple I've heard from some wise men.

"Think of getting married like going skydiving. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Would you jump out if your chute only has a 50% chance of opening?"
(I should have listened to this one.)

"Work to live, don't live to work."

"Find a woman with a great ass... You can buy the tits later!"

"Be a good man, not a nice man"
 
"Fuck'em if they cant take a joke."

I'll add a couple of my own.

"No woman is worth getting upset, let alone doing something stupid, over."


"Knowledge may be power but power without wisdom is folly."
 
"Crazy people rarely can act normal for six months, do not make quick decisions that can cost you a lifetime of misery."

Love this one!!
 
keep it simple don't tell anyone anything then you never have to worry about them ratting you out .
 
My step-dad always told me, "Don't put your business on the street."

It seems people are always putting their personal bullshit out there for other people to see. No one gives a fuck. Not even family most of the time. Stop telling everyone you fucking meet your life story and all of your God damn problems.
 
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You got to know when to hold them.
Know when to fold them.
Know when to walk away.
Know when to run.

You never count your money when you're sitting at the table.
There'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done.
 
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"Son, I wish you'd think more with your brain and less with your dick." Dad
 
I have survived enough people passing away and my own heath scares to know that nothing lasts forever. You get one life and we are all running out of time. So, I take advice from Tim McGraw.

 
"Don't you start fights. But you damn well finish them." - my mother

She had more guts in her pinkie than most people have in their own body. A few sayings from her.

"May God have mercy on your soul. I will not."

"When I am done with you, you will wish to God you had never met me." (not a threat but a prophesy.)

She spoiled me by telling the truth and being humble. I thought all adults were like that. Man, have I ever been wrong, over and over again.

She used to not be religious. In her younger years, she could answer the door to a Jehova's Witness who would say, "Did you know that Jesus saves?"

She would answer, "Which bank?"

But her friendship with a guy who had been in Vietnam as a master sgt (Air Force, shot down and wounded in combat,) and later was a master sgt and drill instructor in the Alabama Air National Guard, helped her find a path to redemption.

I am a mellower version of her, just way taller. I even favored her in looks, whereas my younger brother looks more like our father.
 
If you want to find a good woman, be the kind of man that attracts a good woman.

And save your money.
 
Don't argue with a drunk.

If you think it's funny you might as well say it.

Always be kind, but always be prepared to be unkind.
 
I went to a shrink to analyze my dreams.
He said it's a lack of sex that's bringing me down.
I went to a whore who said my life's a bore.
...
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.
It all keeps adding up. I think I'm cracking up and I'm not just paranoid.
 
After 3 bean salad and some beer,

"Don't light that match."
 
I went to a shrink to analyze my dreams.
He said it's a lack of sex that's bringing me down.
I went to a whore who said my life's a bore.
...
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.
It all keeps adding up. I think I'm cracking up and I'm not just paranoid.
Close. But definitely not correct.
 
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