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Maggie’s How To Bathe A Cat

168BTHPM

Werepig
Supporter
Full Member
Minuteman
  • Mar 1, 2008
    20,959
    260,951
    Nevada
    How To Bathe A Cat

    Step one: Pick up the cat and cradle it in your arms, gently pet the cat to relax it.



    Step two: Slowly walk toward the bathroom so the cat doesn’t realize it’s bath time (especially if you have done this before).



    Step three: This step requires athletic skill and cat like reflexes (pun intended). You must quickly lift the toilet seat, toss the cat in and slam the lid. The toilet must already be prepared by pouring half a bottle of liquid dish soap into the bowl.



    Step four: Hold the lid down on the toilet without allowing any of your body parts to come within reach of the cat’s claws, it’s amazing how far they can reach out through those little gaps between the seat and the bowl. The thrashing around of the cat in the soapy water provides all of the cleaning action required to do a top notch job.



    Step five: Once the cat has thrashed around sufficiently enough to cause soap foam to start bubbling out around the seat of the toilet you must rinse the cat. This is accomplished by flushing the toilet while still holding down the lid, usually four or five flushes is enough to get the job done.



    Step six: Now for the tricky part, planning and preparation will prevent serious injury or damage to your household items. Prior to starting the bath you should have cleared the most direct path from the bathroom to the nearest exit, this is so the cat has an unobstructed passage out of the house when the toilet seat is lifted. Most cats know they dry much faster when they run at high speeds so stay out of the way.



    Helpful tip: It’s a good idea to have a tennis racket in one hand when you are completing step six. Occasionally cats have been known to become confused and double back, a gentle nudge with the tennis racket will get them going the right direction.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    step 1 shoot cat

    step 2 hose off any evidence from corpse

    step 3 dispose of corpse in neighbors garbage can

    much simpler
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    PuddyCat.jpg
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    i did similar, just with a bucket, shook it like hell, opened the lid, and kicked when it tried to attack my bare shins

    needless to say grandma wasnt happy, grandpa laughed like hell
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    "Hey sweetie, look what else I learned on that crazy gun site I look at from time to time.....have you seen fluffy, I'm going to give her a bath?"
    smile.gif
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    You mean you guys didn't see this video yet?

    <object width="425" height="350"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_VfSl0iGAus"></param> <param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param> <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_VfSl0iGAus" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"> </embed></object>
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    I think I just found my entertainment next week when the wife is out of town!!!
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    I'd say if you couldn't give a cat a bath in a water jet, it isn't possible.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    +1 on the video!!

    For slightly larger cats, you can rent or borrow a cement mixer.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    The "Oh Shit" look on that cats face right before water started spouting is classic.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    LMFAO...I didn't need to see the video to laugh.

    Thanks
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    When my cat was a kitten, and his guts werent as strong as they are now (he can eat doghnuts, pizza, corn chips etc) he used to get diarohea even with kitten food.

    Poor little guy used to crap so bad and so often he would bleed... it often got stuck to his fur.

    So i had to jump in the shower and bring him in with me. His first few times resulted in this type of thrashing behaviour. Its scary.

    Eventually they get over it
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    You need to put a disclaimer on that video, LMAO, and I just had shoulder surgery Thursday oh the pain LMAO
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    The trick is to stuff the cat in a pillow case and wash them through it. They cannot see and so cannot scratch nearly as easily.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DeeGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The trick is to stuff the cat in a pillow case and wash them through it. They cannot see and so cannot scratch nearly as easily.
    </div></div>

    What setting, delicates or colors?
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    Holy hell that video was hilarious... woulda made bath time with the kitten after she got a fungal infection much more fun. lol
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    this thread is awesome, I once got in trouble for throwing my sisters cat in the dryer
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    The dishwasher works pretty well too, especailly if you can take the racks out, so kitty has room to move around, and another plus is that dishwashers have a built in dryer too
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Red_SC</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    catcar.jpg
    </div></div>

    Wow.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    This is friggin hilarious... The cat carrier is priceless.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin'
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: smokshwn</div><div class="ubbcode-body">step 1 shoot cat

    step 2 hose off any evidence from corpse

    step 3 dispose of corpse in neighbors garbage can

    much simpler </div></div>

    That looks much like my "domesticate a raccoon" process.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin' </div></div>

    Don't you have something better to do than get all wound up over a joke. Go sit in the dark in your underwear and watch re-runs of Whale Wars.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin' </div></div>

    Aw comon, EH. I understand your compassinate concern. I really like cats and dogs (and all the little furry critters), and would never for any reason, save self defense, harm one. But some of that stuff, like the cat carrier, is hilarious, if only in its fuckupness. Its kinda like watching a you tube vidieo of some clown trashing him/herself ....Id never do that to them but can laugh at their antics.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    If you take the time to look, there was a pic of a "free cat" in the motivational thread. It was a dead cat on the road side and someone placed a sign by it with an arrow pointed towards it with the words "free cat"

    wife said I'm sick for laughing about it.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 168BTHPM</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin' </div></div>

    Don't you have something better to do than get all wound up over a joke. Go sit in the dark in your underwear and watch re-runs of Whale Wars.</div></div>

    Whale Wars, they should run up on those pirate ships near Africa's coast a few times.
    smile.gif
    Might get rid of that show...
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin' </div></div>

    That post could us a sound track, like this TV add:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gspElv1yvc
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    My cat will jump in the pool, swim across and back and get out.

    He's the one that was ferrel,
    The other one however, different story.

    wetcat.jpg
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin'</div></div>

    At least your surrounded by like minded people where you live.
    wink.gif


    I just hope your not one of those that thinks animals should be treated better than Children. You know the ones that go and hold up signs for PETA

    Someone laughing at something fucked up or making a joke about being cruel to a cat is a far cry from tossing them out of a window of a car to see how long they can stay on their feet. Just saying
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Turds who laugh at or commit cruelty to animals should have had the decency to self-abort in their mothers rectum rather than add to the already excessive number of unneeded, mouthbreathing, gene pool polluting fucktards who drag their knuckles across the surface of the earth pretending they're part of the human race.

    Just sayin' </div></div>

    Lighten up nancy
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: vman</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When my cat was a kitten, and his guts werent as strong as they are now (he can eat doghnuts, pizza, corn chips etc) he used to get diarohea even with kitten food.

    Poor little guy used to crap so bad and so often he would bleed... it often got stuck to his fur.

    So i had to jump in the shower and bring him in with me. His first few times resulted in this type of thrashing behaviour. Its scary.

    Eventually they get over it </div></div>

    ...you showered..with your cat. Wow.
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    bad kitty humor in Maggies Drawers...oh the reality of it!!!!!!!
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    bad kitty humor in Maggies Drawers...oh the reality of it!!!!!!!
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    They say that the only thing harder than catching an old wild tom-cat and castrating him is turning him loose afterwards!
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ubet</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I pissed myself reading that </div></div> I think i went a little too! funny stuff!
     
    Re: How To Bathe A Cat

    Cruelty to animals is wrong. It's the worst thing that we as humans can do. All animals are wonderful and deserve the best that we can give them. Except for cats, burn the fuckers.