Take Bubba out and add Boudreaux, take Boss out and add Thibodeaux, now go tell like a coonass, it will be a lot funnier!Bubba's boss was always bragging about knowing several celebrities and having worked on their cars. Bubba told his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?”
“Sure, Tom and I are old friends; I can prove it. I'll take you to meet him". So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!”
Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba’s knowing Cruise was just luck.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Bubba says.
“President Trump,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Sure,” Bubba says, “I know him. Let’s fly out to Washington.”
And off they go. At the White House, Donald spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Bubba, what a surprise. You should have told me you were coming; I have a meeting to attend, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.” Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“The Pope,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Bubba. "I’ve known the Pope a long time.”
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square. The Pope is on the balcony waving to the crowd when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what – let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope and shake his hand. Will that finally convince you?” The boss agrees, so Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican balcony. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Bubba returns, he finds his boss laying on the concrete surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss’ side, Bubba asks him, “What happened?” His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and some damn Japanese tourist next to me said, “Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
FIFY. My version has a slightly different beginning, which doesn't really matter, but I remember that one extra bit of the punchline. It's a joke I memorized on the school bus in 4th grade. An older kid had a book of dirty jokes.Now my best...
A dieing father called his 3 sons together. He told all three that the one who can sell an ordinary duck for the most money will get all of his millions of dollars.
The first son, an Ivy League grad with a Phd sold his for $30.
The middle son, a grad from a trade school sold his for $25.
They youngest, so stupid he couldn't pass middle school art, took his duck and left to sell his.
He was looking for a bar but accidentally walked into a whore house. One of the working gals approached him.
She offered her services if she gives her the duck.
He says "all aight."
They do the deed. She was so impressed with how good he was in bed she offered the duck back if they go again.
He says "all-aight."
So they bump uglies again, he takes the duck and leaves. He goes into the bar next door and gets really really drunk.
He decides that since the duck got him laid twice, he'd just keep it.
As he leaves the bar the duck flies out of his arms, into the street, hit by a truck and killed.
Stupid is crying of his pet duck and the truck driver says: "heres $40, that's all the money I have.
So all three gather with the father.
First son proudly announces he got $30 for his duck.
Middle deflatedly says he got $25 for his duck.
Stupid proudly says:
Well Dad, lets just say I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, then $40 for a fucked up duck, that got hit by a truck.