I think its about time for realtor Thunderdome

[TheGerman]

Long story short, I'm selling one of my houses in another state that I never intend to live in again. It's in a good market filled with nothing but people from up north fleeing their socialist shit hole state only to do their damnedest and turn their new area into exactly that same shit hole. The only CON to the area is also a bit of the PRO as it went from a new upscale neighborhood in basically the middle of nowhere outside a larger city, on the water, to an upscale maintenance free 'retirement' neighborhood because its all turned into 70+ year old people that live there.

Anyways, originally I was going to do a FSBO but it ended up being too much bullshit dealing with the absolute most retarded fucking people and realtors wanting you to constantly hurry up and wait only to play stupid fuck fuck games or my favorite, 'oh, we'd have to sell our house in XXXX first'. So I got a realtor (as much as I hate them) because this one was super 100000% confidant she could sell it within a month, and for a higher price and marketing this and open house that and whatever. I negotiated with her a bit on commission as well as set ground rules for offers I would absolutely not accept, etc.

Well, everybody wants to be a gangster until its time to do gangster shit and we're 3 weeks away from the end of our agreed contract period (way over the 'I can sell it in less than a month' time line) and she's going to get fired. From selling other homes in the past, I know the second the house goes off the MLS, I am about to get a phone call from every bottom feeding realtor for 50 square miles around the zipcode of where that house is; but instead of not answering the phone or telling them to fuck off - we're going to have them fight each other, Thunderdome style.

When the plethora of calls start, I'm going to be sitting there with my pen and notebook and asking everyone the same questions:

- What can you sell the house for? (because I'm going to hold you to it, or you're fired)
- What's your commission and what does it include (professional pics for MLS on your dime, what kind of marketing on your dime, etc?)
- How many homes in this price range, have you, personally (not your fucking company) sold in the last 90 days?
- What are 100% of the fees from your usual closing company on the sale price you said you could sell it for? (not that I intend to use them, but there's a few things I can catch onto with this to see how they go about doing it, and if they're trying to fuck me)
- Can you do it within 30 days, because I'm turning agents over as soon as things go quiet.

I'm going to collect this info and ID the one giving me a 'deal'. Then basically tell one that 'Kevin' from XYZ Realty can do 4% with this, at X price with this marketing; can you beat Kevin or are you a little bitch? I don't care how much time/effort you're going to put into this; its results based. I don't give a shit if Kevin spends 3 minutes on this and gets me an acceptable offer, he's getting the commission; put up or shut up.

Anyone ever do this? I'm actually really curious as to what happens with these dildos when it's 50% actual legit business arrangement and 50% real life trolling.

 

[uffduh]

Try Redfin and let me know how you go. They advertise 1% marketing fee for listing in MLS. If you're genuinely in a decent area, the buyer's agent will do all the work for showings, you just need visibility via the interwebs.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

No, I haven't done it, but I'm sure MANY here would love to hear about the "Howard Cosell Play-By-Play" as you do this. Great teaching syllabus, right there.

 

[TheGerman]

Try Redfin and let me know how you go. They advertise 1% marketing fee for listing in MLS. If you're genuinely in a decent area, the buyer's agent will do all the work for showings, you just need visibility via the interwebs.

I initially did it through a local guy that posted you on MLS and Redfin and all of that for a small fee. I then offered I think 2 or 2.5% for the sellers agent.

I ended up dealing with every moron from NY/PA/MA/NJ/MD that was 'just looking' or 'wed need to put our house up there on the market first' after frantically calling me about a showing because they were 7 minutes away from the house at the time they called, that I said I'm either going to kill someone and bury them in the yard, or I need a realtor to deal with these morons.

 

[TheGerman]

No, I haven't done it, but I'm sure MANY here would love to hear about the "Howard Cosell Play-By-Play" as you do this. Great teaching syllabus, right there.

Yeah I'm looking forward to this to see if it would work, or what hilarious shit comes out of it.

Anyone that takes a 6 week course in the back of a Holiday Inn can be a realtor. You're only worth what results you can bring; not some set % because you're a realtor.

 

[uffduh]

It's a bloody big garden you'll need then if you plan on planting all the realtors that piss you off. Goes with the territory, I'm afraid.

 

[TheGerman]

It's a bloody big garden you'll need then if you plan on planting all the realtors that piss you off. Goes with the territory, I'm afraid.

Are they just a bunch of excuse conjuring faggots?

I have easily 5 showings a week and we're always short that last 5-10 yards to get into the end zone. Always excuses and whatever; I'm pretty sure she hates talking to me because I told her up front I don't give a shit about excuses. Oh, but there's always something.

I've had to bite my tongue so many times because I've wanted to ask her if she has had or is currently having a coffee. Because when she tells me yes, I want to scream at her to put down that fucking coffee; coffee is for closers.

 

[Ric O'shay]

Every market has a Realtor or three that specialize in the type of property you have to sell. And a shitload that treat the profession as a part time endeavor. You need to find the one that has that skill set and will treat it as such.
The thunderdome approach may attract more promises than results. Sometimes the bottom feeders make promises in hopes the MLS listing will flush out other top produces that are content with the split commission.
Pay up and hire the best and you will likely have the results you desire. Perhaps also hire a independent Real Estate Appraiser so you are confident the list price is accurate. Realtors on occasion blow smoke up your ass and tell you what you want to hear to garner the listing.

 

[TheGerman]

Every market has a Realtor or three that specialize in the type of property you have to sell. And a shitload that treat the profession as a part time endeavor. You need to find the one that has that skill set and will treat it as such.
The thunderdome approach may attract more promises than results. Sometimes the bottom feeders make promises in hopes the MLS listing will flush out other top produces that are content with the split commission.
Pay up and hire the best and you will likely have the results you desire. Perhaps also hire a independent Real Estate Appraiser so you are confident the list price is accurate. Realtors on occasion blow smoke up your ass and tell you what you want to hear to garner the listing.

Yeah I hear you.

The appraisal part I got lucky on as my neighbor, with 100% the exact same house, had an appraisal done for their updated will, 6 weeks before. There are comps in the neighborhood as well and I'm in line with sq ft pricing. I honestly think its a lack of this chick being a closer; I had some hints of it when some of the things I heard as part of reasons there was no offer or whatever made me ask, why were these people even allowed a showing?

This time around I'm probably going to try and go with basically the guy that sold the most in this area within the last 3+ months. The plethora of calls will be inevitable; I'm going to let them sort themselves out and the Thunderdome process will get them to either stop calling because they either feel like they're being fucked with or can't deliver and give up or actually have been there/done that and can move this thing.

eta - Just went on zillow and realtor.com and put the zip to the house in. It's a bunch of bullshit realtors with 1 review, 1 sale and 2 listings. These are the dildos who are going to call and I need to weed out.

 

[uffduh]

Last time I sold, listing agent wanted to go in at XXX, I told him you're off your head and it should be YYY percent of the number he wanted. We got full list...albeit a PITA entitled buyer. Not saying it goes like this everywhere, but knowing your market is definitely a necessity. At the end of the day, the broker is only looking out for himself to make the sale. Most markets will also allow you to de-list and re-list so it doesn't look like the house has sat for ages unless someone does their homework.

 

[Dewey7271]

coffee is for closers.

Glengary Glenross?

 

[Cfshooter]

Price it based on the sold comps in your area within the last 6 months, last year if you have nothing recent, professional photos, be accommodating to showings with as little notice as possible, it will sell within the markets average list to close timeframe and for market price. Your neighbor’s appraisal sounds like it was for a refi or HELOC, it will not be used when an appraisal is ran for your home, and often those types of appraisals are a little “loose”. If you use a realtor and end up with a “bargain” realtor, you will get what you pay for. Do it right the the first time and price it at value, it will sell. Try and be greedy or having emotional unrealistic expectations of what your home is worth, and you will stay in the position you are currently in.

 

[Spdy]

I’m having the same problem with selling my late father’s house. I pulled it off the market so I didn’t have to worry about plowing and sanding the steep driveway during the winter. OMG the calls, emails and texts I got from every realtor in the state. You get the same story from each of them. When I ask for them to do a market analysis and provide a sales proposal and no I’m not going to sign now they can’t drop me fast enough. And the bullshit “I see it’s off the market and I have someone that wants to see it now and is ready to buy” stories. I just send those to the realtor I am working with and when he calls all of a sudden the potential buyers changed their mind. Realtors are worse than used car salespersons. Rant off.

 

[hlee]

If you really want to sell, offer 1% more to the buyer's agent than average for the market. The seller's agent does the listing, but the buyer's agent does the "selling." If I'm an agent and my client is looking at 2 equivalent houses, priced similarly, in the same neighborhood, do I work the house offering 3% or 4% commission to me???

 

[Dewey7271]

 

[Spdy]

Fock, four more calls this morning from unknown realtors that want to help me. I’m about to change my voicemail to say the cost to represent me is $500 up front.

 

[AIAW]

Sounds to me like they need to go be poor somewhere else...

 

[Cfshooter]

Fock, four more calls this morning from unknown realtors that want to help me. I’m about to change my voicemail to say the cost to represent me is $500 up front.

Be sure you are on a do not call list and let them know that when they call. Not that it will help too much, but at least those won’t call back again. Calls should slow down by the end of the week.

 

[Spdy]

Thanks cfshooter. I am on a do not call list but that doesn’t slow these buzzards down. I don’t think they even look. They just look me up as executor and call. If I don’t recognize the number I let it go to voicemail. AIAW you got that right. Too many people trying to sell the same properties.

 

[Spdy]

@TheGerman. Sorry not trying to hijack your thread. I feel your pain and look forward to your updates.

 

[Cfshooter]

Thanks cfshooter. I am on a do not call list but that doesn’t slow these buzzards down. I don’t think they even look. They just look me up as executor and call. If I don’t recognize the number I let it go to voicemail. AIAW you got that right. Too many people trying to sell the same properties.

They are indeed vultures. I am in the business, I do not chase expired’s, I specialize in corporate and military relocation. I do see agents in and around my office that do chase expiredes and it is amazing the things they do to try and get people to relax with them. They used dialing systems that called multiple numbers at a time. It is all a numbers game to them, not just getting people to answer the phone, but the business in general. Most of them treat their clients as a $. But all of us realtors do not work that way. I am in the business and started in the business to help people, if I cannot help the person accomplish their goal, I do not take the listing or the buyer. I turn down way more listings then I take on.

Are you military or X military by chance? If so, I can point you in the right direction.

 

[hermosabeach]

What "Fees" are you being charged for this Listing?

Pictures?
Marketing?

Or is the realtor eating those costs?

 

[TheGerman]

What "Fees" are you being charged for this Listing?

Pictures?
Marketing?

Or is the realtor eating those costs?

They are eating everything. I refuse to pay for anything because it can easily be used as a 'fee' and then who gives a shit if they sell it or not as long as they keep getting new listings and 'fees'. So technically when I fire her, they have lost money.

Plus with the amount of time she's put into it (never said she hasn't worked on it; but this is results oriented, I dont give a shit about 'try') I'm sure that even if it sold today, she would make the equivalent of $7 an hour or something lol

 

[RTH1800]

Realtors are shady folks. I could write a book about the ways they have screwed or tried to screw me.
That being said, there is normally one that stands out from the crowd. ( tallest midget sort of a deal)
The local standout will not likely be the cheapest or offer to get you the highest price. Honesty requires facing reality, not dreams, fantesy or hype.

I had one call me last week and he had a buyer for a farm that I did not intend to sell. I told him I did not intend to sell. His buyer was willing to pay a huge price. This farm is near the major metro area and excellent hunting and recreational property joins thousands of acres of public hunting land. 35 min from city. I ask " What will it bring?" He quoted me a price of about 50% of the value for a farm of that size in that area. I told him OK, find me any land within that county for that price and I will buy it today. He came back with some properties hours away in a much lesser market "might be bought for around that price."


Realtors are scam artist. Most have very little success in any field including real estate. There are a few winners out there.

 

[oneshot86]

we are selling 2 separate farms in 2 different counties w 2 different realtors, they suck and are full of shit.
the amount of money we will pay for their services at sale will make you sick

 

[Mike Casselton]

Mike, who are you using for the Manatee Co property?
If you're not happy with who you have, give Leslie Wells a call. That's her county and she probably already knows someone interested in it.

 

[oneshot86]

i will mikie, thanks

 

[Zeroit]

Long story short, I'm selling one of my houses in another state that I never intend to live in again. It's in a good market filled with nothing but people from up north fleeing their socialist shit hole state only to do their damnedest and turn their new area into exactly that same shit hole. The only CON to the area is also a bit of the PRO as it went from a new upscale neighborhood in basically the middle of nowhere outside a larger city, on the water, to an upscale maintenance free 'retirement' neighborhood because its all turned into 70+ year old people that live there.

Anyways, originally I was going to do a FSBO but it ended up being too much bullshit dealing with the absolute most retarded fucking people and realtors wanting you to constantly hurry up and wait only to play stupid fuck fuck games or my favorite, 'oh, we'd have to sell our house in XXXX first'. So I got a realtor (as much as I hate them) because this one was super 100000% confidant she could sell it within a month, and for a higher price and marketing this and open house that and whatever. I negotiated with her a bit on commission as well as set ground rules for offers I would absolutely not accept, etc.

Well, everybody wants to be a gangster until its time to do gangster shit and we're 3 weeks away from the end of our agreed contract period (way over the 'I can sell it in less than a month' time line) and she's going to get fired. From selling other homes in the past, I know the second the house goes off the MLS, I am about to get a phone call from every bottom feeding realtor for 50 square miles around the zipcode of where that house is; but instead of not answering the phone or telling them to fuck off - we're going to have them fight each other, Thunderdome style.

When the plethora of calls start, I'm going to be sitting there with my pen and notebook and asking everyone the same questions:

- What can you sell the house for? (because I'm going to hold you to it, or you're fired)
- What's your commission and what does it include (professional pics for MLS on your dime, what kind of marketing on your dime, etc?)
- How many homes in this price range, have you, personally (not your fucking company) sold in the last 90 days?
- What are 100% of the fees from your usual closing company on the sale price you said you could sell it for? (not that I intend to use them, but there's a few things I can catch onto with this to see how they go about doing it, and if they're trying to fuck me)
- Can you do it within 30 days, because I'm turning agents over as soon as things go quiet.

I'm going to collect this info and ID the one giving me a 'deal'. Then basically tell one that 'Kevin' from XYZ Realty can do 4% with this, at X price with this marketing; can you beat Kevin or are you a little bitch? I don't care how much time/effort you're going to put into this; its results based. I don't give a shit if Kevin spends 3 minutes on this and gets me an acceptable offer, he's getting the commission; put up or shut up.

Anyone ever do this? I'm actually really curious as to what happens with these dildos when it's 50% actual legit business arrangement and 50% real life trolling.

Hey if you need some advice pm me my wife is a a realtor very anal (trust me) and very ethical she gets pissed off when people can't do their job properly other realtors home inspectors aprasiers etc. She has no skin in the game so no reason to bullshit in twentysomething years don't think she ever made a cold call. Not saying that because she's my wife besides she a gun girl pistol instructor. She's straight up front. Let me know if she can help I have to let her know you would call she's not licensed in that coastal state