Maggie’s In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

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Leassons learned from raising boys:



1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2 .) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
 

Wil

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

NICE !!!

You forget... I already have a 3yr old daughter that will rival MOST boys in every department. That little ball breaker is a hoot though.

I always know she is up to something when I ask her 'whatcha doin'...her reply... 'I dunno'

laffin'
 
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Gordon Nettleton

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

24. Goldfish die out of water
25. Explaining to your five year old what a piss boner is can be difficult
27. Explaining how to piss with a piss boner to your five year old is even more difficult.
28. Not everything can be flushed.
29. Girls are different than boys!
30. The big yellow one is the sun!
31. Explaining to your three year old why he has peanuts in his poo poo is even more difficult than #28.
32. Why Toots(Farts) don't stink when done while sitting the bathtub is the most difficlt thing to explain of all to a 3 and 5 year old
 

Wil

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

33. Explaining why your 3 & 5 yr old are already taller than daddy can be difficult as well.... laffin'

I'm excited and apprehensive about having a boy... after having two girls it will be interesting and entertaining to say the least...
 
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Gordon Nettleton

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

34. Explaining to son why daddy is red on the noodle like a dick on a poodle.
35. Wil explaining to his daughters why they shouldn't go out on a date with a boy like their daddy.
36. Explaining to your children why they can't laugh at Texas Rick.
37. Explaining what stretch marks are after you said what you were thinking!

 

Gordon Nettleton

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

38. Explaining to your children why you are never allowed to date anyone from the loins of CKA
39. Why teaching tolerance through comedy on a shooting blog can be priceless and very entertaining.
40
 

Gordon Nettleton

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

40. Many years from now, CKA and Mrs CKA have had a few children they get a call from the principal." Would you please explain to little rotten CKA why we cannot call the high school mascot Bukkake!
 

pwc001

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

Those are great, I have a 17 month old boy, and another boy due on monday. Lots of fun ahead of me and my wife, thanks for the heads up.
 

byrom1212

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

My son will be born in may and I cant wait its my 1st kid and I'm glad its a boy.
 

biben

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

And my son will be born any day this March. I was all so happy until I read this topic this morning.
crazy.gif
 
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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

Badd K's son: "Why do people call him Shaggy? Does he like Scooby Doo?"
 
G

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

Congrats to GoB and 308LS.
 

LAR Dragoon

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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

Shaggy
All of those would have resulted in the DEATH PENALTY when I was a kid.
No cigarette...
I am not sure if a kid would even get whipped today.

Congrats on the boy's to all of you with them and with them coming.
BTW
I need help cutting grass for anyone with boy's over the age of 6.
That was how old I was when my dad finally gave in. ; )



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: shaggyback</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Leassons learned from raising boys:



1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2 .) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
</div></div>
 

Megacab

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Oct 10, 2007
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Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

Wil?
Gratz, brah!
In celebration of your upcoming bundle of joy, I offer you a sample of things to come for you...


dirtydiaper.jpg



grin.gif




Jack





 

Austan

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  • Nov 27, 2007
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    Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

    Hey, at least that's a well contained mess. The shit did not travel up the back, past the neck, and into the hair. Seriously, how the hell do babies manage to do that?

    Congrats Wil
     

    Megacab

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    Oct 10, 2007
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    Re: In Honor of Wil's Upcoming Baby Boy

    I don't know, Austan.
    I remember a few times when mine were babies that I thought someone dipped them into a vat of Hershey's syrup while I wasn't looking...