Kids these days...
So I went home for a few days to visit my folks. Saturday night I met a few old friends at the bar, where I meet a very lovely young gal. I'm in my 20s, and I guessed her to be about 22. Younger than my usual tastes...I usually go for cougars; Less drama, better sex. Sweet baby Jesus...incredible sex. If you've never had to ice your Trouser Trout in the morning, give an older woman a shot.
But, I digress. Seeing as how I assumed I was safe since we were in a bar, and she could actually carry on a conversation unlike other girls (and yes they are girls) her age, I figured what the hell! I was going to be in town for a week, might as well have someone to hang out with (read, friend with benefits). We exchanged numbers.
Monday we were texting, I made a comment about being hungry for a late lunch. She says "You should pick me up from school, we'll go eat."
"Sure, where do I go on campus to pick you up?" (There is a college in town)
"No silly, from the high school!" ...ahhh...I'm sorry, what was that!?
"I'm 17." Holy hell. Then she gets upset when I tell her we can't hang out since she's underage, to which she tells me,
"But I'm ALMOST 18, so we can still have sex!"
What the shit!? Where were all these loose women when <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic"><span style="text-decoration: underline">I</span></span></span> was in high school!? They sure as hell never looked like that either. For those of you wondering, no, I did not go through with it. Her birthday is in 2 months though, and I was debating the "legal, but ethical?" dilemma...until I realized that if she's already trolling the bars for guys, I might want to stay away from that particular Ham Wallet.
Now there are three things I've learned in life;
1. Don't eat peanut butter and Mt. Dew in the desert.
2. Any animal you poke with a stick WILL try and bite you.
3. No matter what you do, for the love of god never ask a woman her age!
I've had to add an addendum to #3 as follows; Treat it like the liquor store...if they look under 30, cover your ass and ASK FOR ID! The older they are, the more they will appreciate it and take it as a compliment that you think they look young (women are a vain, shallow species after all). At least play 007 and trick her by randomly asking her for her birth year. If she hesitates, she's lying, so make like a Mohican and run like hell!
Kids these days...
So I went home for a few days to visit my folks. Saturday night I met a few old friends at the bar, where I meet a very lovely young gal. I'm in my 20s, and I guessed her to be about 22. Younger than my usual tastes...I usually go for cougars; Less drama, better sex. Sweet baby Jesus...incredible sex. If you've never had to ice your Trouser Trout in the morning, give an older woman a shot.
But, I digress. Seeing as how I assumed I was safe since we were in a bar, and she could actually carry on a conversation unlike other girls (and yes they are girls) her age, I figured what the hell! I was going to be in town for a week, might as well have someone to hang out with (read, friend with benefits). We exchanged numbers.
Monday we were texting, I made a comment about being hungry for a late lunch. She says "You should pick me up from school, we'll go eat."
"Sure, where do I go on campus to pick you up?" (There is a college in town)
"No silly, from the high school!" ...ahhh...I'm sorry, what was that!?
"I'm 17." Holy hell. Then she gets upset when I tell her we can't hang out since she's underage, to which she tells me,
"But I'm ALMOST 18, so we can still have sex!"
What the shit!? Where were all these loose women when <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic"><span style="text-decoration: underline">I</span></span></span> was in high school!? They sure as hell never looked like that either. For those of you wondering, no, I did not go through with it. Her birthday is in 2 months though, and I was debating the "legal, but ethical?" dilemma...until I realized that if she's already trolling the bars for guys, I might want to stay away from that particular Ham Wallet.
Now there are three things I've learned in life;
1. Don't eat peanut butter and Mt. Dew in the desert.
2. Any animal you poke with a stick WILL try and bite you.
3. No matter what you do, for the love of god never ask a woman her age!
I've had to add an addendum to #3 as follows; Treat it like the liquor store...if they look under 30, cover your ass and ASK FOR ID! The older they are, the more they will appreciate it and take it as a compliment that you think they look young (women are a vain, shallow species after all). At least play 007 and trick her by randomly asking her for her birth year. If she hesitates, she's lying, so make like a Mohican and run like hell!
Kids these days...
