I've seen some of these before and they still make me laugh.
*The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.*
*Here are the winners:*
§ *Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
§ *Ignoranus*: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
§ *Intaxication*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
§ *Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
§ *Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
§ *Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
§ *Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
§ *Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
§ *Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
§ *Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease.* (*This one got extra credit.)
§ *Karmageddon*: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
§ *Decafalon*
: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
§ *Glibido*: All talk and no action.
§ *Dopeler Effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
§ *Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
§ *Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
§ *Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
*The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.*
*And the winners are:*
§ *Coffee*, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
§ *Flabbergasted*, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
§ *Abdicate* v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
§ *Esplanade*, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
§ *Willy-nilly*, adj. Impotent.
§ *Negligent*, adj. Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
§ *Lymph*, v. To walk with a lisp.
§ *Gargoyle*, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
§ *Flatulence*, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
§ *Balderdash*, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
§ *Testicle*, n. A humorous question on an exam.
§ *Rectitude*, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
§ *Pokemon*, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
§ *Oyster*, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
§ *Frisbeetarianism*, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
§ *Circumvent* n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.
*The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.*
*Here are the winners:*
§ *Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
§ *Ignoranus*: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
§ *Intaxication*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
§ *Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
§ *Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
§ *Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
§ *Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
§ *Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
§ *Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
§ *Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease.* (*This one got extra credit.)
§ *Karmageddon*: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
§ *Decafalon*
: The grueling event of getting through the day consumingonly things that are good for you.
§ *Glibido*: All talk and no action.
§ *Dopeler Effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
§ *Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
§ *Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
§ *Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
*The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.*
*And the winners are:*
§ *Coffee*, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
§ *Flabbergasted*, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
§ *Abdicate* v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
§ *Esplanade*, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
§ *Willy-nilly*, adj. Impotent.
§ *Negligent*, adj. Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
§ *Lymph*, v. To walk with a lisp.
§ *Gargoyle*, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
§ *Flatulence*, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
§ *Balderdash*, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
§ *Testicle*, n. A humorous question on an exam.
§ *Rectitude*, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
§ *Pokemon*, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
§ *Oyster*, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
§ *Frisbeetarianism*, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
§ *Circumvent* n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.
