Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

[socalsheepdog]

So my kid (19yo male) comes in and tells my wife the truck is driving funny, "it's shaking real bad" he tells her. Wife tells me about it and I go out and look. It has a completely flat rear right tire. These are 35 inch tires so when one is flat the truck looks like it's sitting in a hole and he doesn't even notice it. Even when he got half way down the block and turned around, he didn't know the tire was flat. Didn't bother walking around the truck and looking at possible problems. Just parked it and told us about it.

What I have learned about raising boys to be men is that if they don't have an interest in things men do, they won't be men. It doesn't happen by default, you have to acquire the skills to be a man and kids these days don't care about those skills. They don't care about getting a drivers license at 16. They don't care to spend some time in the outdoors camping, hunting, fishing. They don't care to learn how to do simple maintenance on the house, car, boat etc. They don't care to work with the dog to make him a better member of the family. I could go on and on.

I tried my best to raise Men, my apologies to their future wives.

I found this list of things MEN should be able to do, I am going to hand it to my boys and tell them if they need help figuring any of this stuff out, I am here for them.

http://www.popularmechanics.com/home/skills/4281414

 

[jasonk]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Don't just hand them the list, tell them you're going to work on that list together, looks like #1 would be a good place to start!

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Like I said, I have tried for years on this stuff. If they don't have an interest, they won't do it. That's is how kids operate these days. If it's not entertaining them, they aren't into it. We played organized sports, was in Scouting, etc. I put a lot into it. Get's to a point where the simple fun of a chore is sucked out when you try to get your kids involved.

So yes, we have worked on a lot of this stuff together but they don't care. Hence the comment about handing off the list.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids to death, we just seem to see things differently when it comes to "doing things that need to be done". I am sure I am not the only one in the boat. Most of my buddies comment about this stuff to me as well.

 

[RJW]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

After they hit 21, get out of school and are on their own, they call the oldman to see how to do things and ask for advice. Have one 31 and one 27. Amazing what they now tackle and work on.

 

[SniperCJ]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Socalsheepdog</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I tried my best to raise Men, my apologies to their future wives.</div></div>

Thats fuuuuny!

 

[DamnYuppie]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I was not interested in a lot of those things in my teens either. Yet as I got to my late twenties I became very interested in pretty much everything. I think younger generations in this country have so much given to them they don't see the need to develop many skills or have a lot of interests. Hopefully as they mature parents will be there to continually guide them.

It was amazing to me and my friends how much smarter our parents where when we turned 25! It was like those 7 years after we turned 16 really helped them mature and learn to communicate better

 

[stiletto raggio]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I can't give any advice on parenting (I would guess I am closer in age to your son than to you) but I know that teh older I get, the wiser my parents seem. I have always been respectful (well, for teh most part) and have always loved them, but I really didn't see the value in some of the things they encouraged until I was old enough to pay bills and have some real responsibility.

I think it will get better so long as you don't give up trying to include them.

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

So I asked my oldest if he was on his own, what would he have done with the flat if I wasn't around to do it for him. He said he would just pay someone to handle it. I asked him "how much would it cost to get it handled"? He had no idea.

I told him I handled it for 8 tacos. Took the tire off and threw into the back of my 56 Studebaker pickup and hauled it off to the tire shop. Told the manager of the shop I needed a tire patched while I went around the corner to get a taco. Then asked him how many tacos will it cost me to get my tire fixed. He just smiled and said he likes beef. I brought him 8 + 1. Taco shop miscounted in my favor and off I went.

Pays to be a MAN at times.

 

[Lumpy Grits]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Then WHY do you let him drive YOUR truck then?
LG

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

If my kids are in school, I will help them. When they decide they have had enough, they are on their own. My oldest attends collage almost 50 miles away from home. I only allow him to drive the truck to the Transit Authority bus stop 2 miles from home. He has to take the bus to school from there. Trust me, I can be a big asshole when I need to be.

 

[BALLISTIC]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Aye, I know many males whom I would not consider men, but they are all over 18. Sad state, but America has been pussified.

As to the letting your kid drive the truck to the bus stop. 2 miles away!? really? I think a bike would be a much better use of resources, so if you really want to jump start him into being a man, tell him to ride a bike.

 

[bcw1284]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I'm guessing the kid doesn't make that 50 mile trip twice a day, right? If he lives on campus, then he no doubt has belongings, laundry, etc. to carry as far as the bus stop. Sounds like a fair compromise to me.

I think it's a generation thing. My little brother is one of these guys that doesn't know dip squat about cars, etc. I was a gearhead as a teenager- I was tearing into engines before I even had a driver's license. It's an interesting dichotomy... he seems to think that i'm available at the drop of a hat to handle these things for him. When he went off to college, my parents gave him a car without any real strings attached. ME? I was late on move-in day freshman year because I was rebuilding my carburetor. LOL. My folks paid for some repairs over the years that I couldn't do myself (transmission, etc.) while I was in school, and I appreciate it, but nobody ever outright bought me a car. I am glad they didn't honestly. I never would have learned what I know now if someone had just done it for me.

To me it just seems a shame that today's youth are so neglectful of important things because they have been trained that someone else will just do it for you and Uncle Sam will pay you to do nothing all day. I don't think it makes them bad people, just less self-sufficient ones. That's not a good trend, but it's not irreversible.

 

[Xshot]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Socalsheepdog - you sound as if you're a good caring father. However, parents now have to contend with what their children are being taught in school. Here in the midwest they may not not know how to read and write very well, but they'll tell what their rights are and the phone number for Child Protective Services when they don't get their way.

 

[JuniperEyes]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I am so glad I had daughters

 

[KHOOKS]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Well he could get a flat tire on a bike also. LOL But for real a flat tire on my bike was on of the first things I learned to fix growing up. If I wanted to ride I had to do the up keep.

Sometimes dads just have to have a good leather belt handiy to get the childs mind into the learning curve. I far better off cause I knew dad owned a belt and how to use it. Not that I took a bunch of whoop'ins but thinking back I should have had more than I got.

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I was not about to lay out money for living expenses near school. He takes the city bus to school and back 3 days a week. He actually gets to ride for free with his student ID. He does work hard at school and it is important to him so I allow him time in my vehicle.

I too think it's a generational thing. Kids really do have to find entertainment in everything they do or they won't like doing it. Sometimes I find the most menial tasks nice at times. Washing dishes, pulling weeds, cleaning the house, organizing my office etc. Kids these days see all that as torture.

I was a gear head growing up also. My father told me that if I stayed out of trouble and kept my grades up I could get a car. I ended up with a 66 Mustang Coupe at 15 and in the years I owned it, I think it was in pieces more then it was on the road.

 

[Lumpy Grits]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Your in Socal RIGHT?
Let him walk, ride a bike or whatever. Gives him time to think his shit over......
Your giving him no-reason to grow and do things on his own and see what life really costs.
I've have 5 kids(4 boys and 1 girl)all adults now. 3 of them are mil. vets with multi combat tours. 1 is an FD/EMT and the other is a cop and I didn't baby them at all and spent 12 yrs as a single parent doing it.
IT WAS HARD! But my pride in them is HUGE.
Your his Father FIRST, and friend second.........
Respectfully,
LG

 

[canman]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

19 is still young. I have one 34 and one 31 and now they are really good men. I don't remember at 19 them having that promise.

 

[coldboremiracle]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J.S.T. Glenn</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am so glad I had daughters </div></div>

Really? I'd be terrified that my daughter brings home one these skinny pant wearin fag's behind a pair of rhinestone diva glasses.

 

[BALLISTIC]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: coldboremiracle</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J.S.T. Glenn</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am so glad I had daughters </div></div>

Really? I'd be terrified that my daughter brings home one these skinny pant wearin fag's behind a pair of rhinestone diva glasses. </div></div>

Aye, but women are in the same boat, very few that are worth a fuck.

 

[Alderleet]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Not gonna lie, I only know about 85 of them.

 

[tmcginnis]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Im just now 21 years old, so i feel i can weigh in on this a bit.

I was raised to be independent. My father, a mechanic by trade, taught (not forced) me how to do things on my own. School projects, he helped me. Finding my first job at the age of 14, he helped me. I worked for my money when i was a kid. Usually doing landscaping. I had to literally rebuild my first car to have it.
Because of my father, i know how to frame a house, hang sheetrock, fix a running toilet. Im a woodworker for hobby (built my own furniture), change my own oil.

My father has taught me a lot of things, but the center of it all is that hardwork is its own reward. With that being said, i still rely on my parents for my means of living while i am off from home at school. Im in no way saying i have had a difficult life, but i worked for what i have.

HOWEVER... my roomates dont know how to fix the smallest of home repairs, hell they dont even own any tools. In fact, i just had to replace my roomates headlight in his truck cus he busted it out.

Moral of the story... there are kids out there who wouldnt know their asshole from a hole in the ground. But trust me, there are still kids in the world that know what hard work is, and know how to use their hands. Most important thing is that the kids who know what hard work is, will always be able to take care of their family.

BUT... keep in mind, there is more to being a man than simply fixing a flat tire.

 

[ubet]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I dont have kids, but am gonna weigh in (im 28). Some kids just arent talented at certain things. Me, give me a wrench and I use it as a hammer, mechanicaly inclined, I am NOT. Must be in the genes, cause neither my father or his father are. But with horses, I can do anything with them I need too. From sewing up small cuts to stuffing guts back inside cows and stitching them together. I learned early, I can do most vet work on my animals myself, all it takes is to stop and think things through, and sterilize everything. Where I am going with this is, just because he cant change a tire, doesnt mean he wont be a man (although he should know how). I started doing a mans job when I was 12. My friends got to go dick off after school, I got to run home and muck stalls, and climb on colts for my Dad. But you know what, I was self employed when I was 23 also.

Guess what I am saying is, find something he is interested in, and build on it. I couldnt care less about a lot of things, if it didnt have hair on it, when I was your sons age. But now, I take pride in mowing the lawn, or trying to clean the house. Building something and having it turn out square/level and how I want it. I was a late maturer in a lot of ways, as I think most young kids are these days.

He will turn out alright, just dont give up on him!

 

[Tengu]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Thank you Mr. Rager! If some of you are wondering why kids are the way they are today you have him to thank.

All his stories of your special, you don't have to take "No" for an answer, ect blah blah. He was the one that started it all. Appreantly Coperations are having trouble with my generation also (born 1980-1995) havning to teach them how to be professional, how to work, dress, act in the work place.
Mr. Rager effectively pushed the adolescence stage to a new level. If you think its tuff with just your kids try a whole generation haha
Its hard just trying to find people with the same interest my age. So damn lazy most of them, but you know what if you can't step up to plate and hit a home run.....all I can say its your time to shine. Go out there and show them how special you are

My pops taught me work at 14yrs and that was no joke. 110+ degree weather in summer, 12hr days at times, and school throughout the week, plus martial arts training. Ekk full schedule.
Although I have to agree with being mechanicaly inclined. Shit I'm 22yrs old now and I have to get on my ol' man's ass for not doing proper maintance on the Semi-trucks, and hay squeez, and he is 55! But its hard to argue with an old school MexiCAN that started working at the age of 12yrs. Love him to death but I swear he can be dummer than a pile of rocks

I always tell hime "Its not enough to work hard. We have to work smart, plan, and use our heads." His response "Luis!" haha If the family business goes to pot because he didn't want to take my advice then oh well. I tried.

As for me. Don't ask me to fix your car, but if you want a weapon then your talking to the right guy. I can make something out of just about anything if one is so inclined. Hell I walk into the grocery store and walk out with 20 diffrent kinds. For example I will walk out with chili peppers, glass, mortor and pedestal, and cardboard tubes with plugs and your ready to rock n roll.
Other than that I love to draw, play music, study psychology, history, poetry, philosophy, physiology. Anything to make me a better martial artist.
Martial arts is my life and thats how I live. And in martial arts you study weapons, people, and war.

 

[Fritz24]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: coldboremiracle</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J.S.T. Glenn</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am so glad I had daughters </div></div>

Really? I'd be terrified that my daughter brings home one these skinny pant wearin fag's behind a pair of rhinestone diva glasses. </div></div>

Tragically, that describes a horrifying number of young "males" in this part of the country. And some claim there has been no feminization of American society/culture...

 

[JSTARSZ]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BALLISTIC</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sad state, but America has been pussified.
</div></div> Amen Brother!!!! By the way, my daughter married one and is now divorced. I tried to talk her out of it but...she was in love - RIGHT!!!

 

[PhOnEpHrEaK]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Unfortunately most people my age have no idea what they're doing (I'm 20) Luckily for me I was raised by my grandparents. If I wanted something I had to earn it for myself, all of my NEEDS were covered but if it was something I WANTED I was the one buying it, but because of that I now appeciate everything I have because I had to work for it.

Not everyone my age is completely neutered, some were raised right, however most were spoiled, or had parents too scared to discipline their kids. I'm thankful I was raised by my grandparents, if I hadn't been I'm sure I'd be a much much different person.

 

[shankster..]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

We really won't see the full impact of the internet, social networking, computer role-playing games, and constant phone texting on the males of our society until they become fathers and raise their sons. That's when our society will be really f&cked. It's even worse with boys raised by their mother only which is happening more frequently.

If you want to know how spoiled kids are today... drive by a parking lot of a high school. The kids now drive nicer or as nice of a car as the teachers. In most cases, these teenage kids couldn't afford the monthly payment on the car much less anything else associated with the vehicle.

Then they get on their own, realize they can't afford to live on their own at the same level of comfort and leisure and become resentful that life is screwing them.

 

[Yeticowboy]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TMcGinnis</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I was raised to be independent. My father, a mechanic by trade, taught (not forced) me how to do things on my own. School projects, he helped me. Finding my first job at the age of 14, he helped me. I worked for my money when i was a kid. Usually doing landscaping. I had to literally rebuild my first car to have it. </div></div> Your old man must be mine's long lost twin. I had to build my first automobile too. Bought it for 200 bucks and Dad and I towed it into the shop and I worked on it for a month. Sure was nice to have a truck to drive the day I turned 16 though. He taught me how to be self sufficient. It's amazing how many things people think are impossible to fix or build. Just takes some work and a little common sense. My step son is 12 years old and lazy as hell. Hell when I was his age I worked on the farm after school and during the summer worked in the cotton fields 15+ hours a day. I saved all that money too.

Hell now if you try to teach your kids the value of hard work people tell you that "you're being to hard on the boy" Hell all I did was make him pick up rocks in the field for a couple of hours a day last summer so that he could EARN the money to buy that damn IPOD that 2 months later he didn't even use anymore.

 

[E3C3H3O3]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

little off topic but a funny similar story. I was waiting for my ex and her mother to get back from the mall a couple years back and I hear, not see but hear them coming down the road. I go outside to see her mother driving down the road with an orange construction cone stuck in her wheel well, she doesn't stop just keeps crawling down the road, pulls in the driveway, gets out of the car flipping out "whats wrong with my car blah blah blah ahhhhhh", I just looked at her shook my head and went back inside. About 15 minutes later she comes in "can you help me get the cone out of my tire", Yup. How do you have a cone stuck in your wheel well and just keep driving????? Thank god I got the hell away from that gene pool!

 

[shankster..]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<span style="font-weight: bold">This Thread is Epic: The Guy goes to change the oil in his mustang and notices it is really dirty. So he hooks a garden hose into the oil fill nozzle flushes the engine's lubrication system with water and starts the car until the water comes out clean. Hilarity ensues:</span>


http://mustangforums.com/forum/5-0l-general-discussion/368307-im-done-with-this-car.html

 

[-=boone=-]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

My son is with me when I'm not working like it should be. He shoots, he hunts, he camps, he runs power tools. He's 5 years old this year. If you didn't start training them to be men when they're boys your fucked. 90% of that list should have been accomplished by 15 years old. I’m only 25 years old with two children. I get a laugh out of people in this society. I have nothing in common with this society. I generally do not get along with people of my generation.

In the “old” days children grew up to become adults, they stepped into that role proudly. In today’s society children are taught to shrink from becoming adults. From accepting responsibility for their actions. From realizing they themselves are in control of their own destiny. This is what you’re supposed to be teaching them from the time they can understand words.

I might piss off a few more people but here it goes.

When your married or have children or 30 years old get your ass out of the night clubs, parties, and all night drinkathons. It's time to grow up children...

 

[Tunanut]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

My recipe for my kids include hard work, studying hard, and having fun. Most importantly, being involved. I started mine very young and always treated him like a man. We've been going offshore together since he was 4 where he learned how to take orders and follow them instantly. He was expected to save us if something happened to me out there. Using just the compass, I'd have him navigate in from 40 miles out. Taught him to activate the EPRIB and how to communicate on the VHF if needed. He's always been expected to clean and help work on the boat, just part of going fishing.

Got his first buck bowhunting @ 10

Had him help with the irrigation system on our food plot on our hunting land. Makes a huge difference in a dry summer.

Fruits of our labor.

By the time he was nine, he was just another member of an adult crew.

It's amazing how kids will rise to the level that's expected of them when given the proper training and encouragment. I couldn't be more proud of my two. They have exceded my expectations. And I have no doubt that by the time he's 15, he'll be able to whip my ass in just about everything, and I can live with that just fine.

Your results may vary!

 

[WhiskeyWebber]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I've met Tunanut and his son and both are stand up men.

I personally think that time spent with Dad is a #1 priority in a boy's life. I used to hang out all weekend with my Dad who was an SF operator in the 60's and 70's... When I was 6 I thought that "Iron Mike" on Ft Bragg was a monument to my Dad...they looked alike... to say I respect what he did is an understatement. I don't have the really cool dangerous career that my Dad had but I do spend every free minute I have with my son and I do push him to constantly challenge himself. Not in an Earl Woods way... it's more subtle. He really didn't respond for the first 10 years but then he played football last year and everything I had been telling him about working hard and trying your best was repeated by the coaches. It just clicked and his maturity took a huge leap forward.

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I have plenty of "connections" with my kids. The point of my post was what most consider traditional male skills are not something you are just born with but are skills you need to learn. Now if you have no interest in learning them, you won't be good at them. I know there is much more to being a "man" then knowing how to change a tire, but lets face it, if you don't want to change a tire, you won't.

I would consider my Dad a real man, but I remember him putting snow chains on the rear wheels of a front wheel drive car one time. Cars were just not his thing. He didn't care enough about cars to know it was front wheel drive. Of course this was in the early 80s when FWD was just coming online but still, he didn't really pay attention to that kind of stuff.

I notice that with many of my friends, none of their kids do any wrong. They are perfect angles. They make all the right decisions and excel at everything they do. BULLSHIT. Most parents have their head up their ass and have no idea what their kids are up to.

 

[WhiskeyWebber]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Socalsheepdog</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I have plenty of "connections" with my kids. </div></div>

Poor choice of words on my part. I wouldn't dare imply you aren't connected to your kids. Sorry about that.

 

[hankpac]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Tuna's answer is far more eloquent that any thing else I read here.
They get interested when they are involved.
As to the flat tire: my first response on his arrival back home (which I have had to do several times with my own kids) "Get the jack and get it under the vehicle, and I will be out as soon as I get my gloves. While you are waiting find the 4-way, and start lowering the spare." I direct the work, do the parts that safety or skill require, and insist that he stay right there by my side, and help.
all my sons can change a tire, and do other things that ANYONE should be able to do, not just men.

Just being the person that makes sure the power is on, and water is hot and there is always a car to drive, breeds disrespect, and lack of appreciation, not only for you but for the things they have.
This boy may be a good boy, but he seems deeply into entitlement. I mean no offense, and if I am totally off base I apologize. I realize I do not know any of the parties herein.
As to the "100 things"{ list, unless I overlooked it, there was no shooting. I assume "Skippering a boat, would include knots, and map and compass, and both night and day navigating. Was sharpen a knife on there?Or "prepare and cook a feral cat?" (JK)

 

[Tunanut]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Sorry, I didn't intend to make this personal, but only to encourage fathers of young children to be involved in their life. I know everyone has a busy schedule, but getting involed in your kids life is the most important thing you can do for them. Directing their choice of friends is probably #2. I'm hoping for more time to spend with them before they are on their own. These days it's about girls and I'm trying to impress on him that girls can be fun, but don't let them ruin you. And that they should look for girls that are smart and interested in the things that interest him. The popular kids want the popular girls and they will come and go, but a lasting relationship is base on common interests and goals. I'm probably going a little deep for a 12 year old, but as I said, I don't think it's ever too early. Good luck to you fathers out there.

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Guys, no worries, I didn't take it that way. I have enjoyed the discussion here. It's hard to get the big picture on a forum with a single post. We would all really have to hang out and BBQ with a bourbon in hand and talk to really understand each of our family dynamics.

 

[socalsheepdog]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

On a side not, when your kids are young, and you control their time and space, it's much easier to get them involved. When they hit 15, not so easy. I think I have appreciated the posts from guys who said they had kids who grew up to be just fine. They know what it's like having teens/young adults in the house. Those were the most encouraging posts for me. Thanks.

 

[Tunanut]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I hear what you're saying and I realize that I only have a couple more years of influence before I'm out of the picture so I'm trying to give the best direction I can to them.

 

[John L]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

This is a great thread.I have been in the construction trades now for 28 years. Always loved working with my hands. My life was a bit diffrent than most. I learned all my basic skills from my Mother. She was raised on a farm and knew what work really meant. My Dad was a hell of a man but could not find his ass with both hands sometimes. He had 2 Masters Degrees and a BA (to smart for his own good). School teacher his whole life along with 30 years in the Naval Reserves (Corpsman). When it came to the day to day shit that is where he fell flat and Mom would step in and fix things. We used to get sent to her sisters farm in the summers it sucked then but I can appreciate it now. Damn that was some hard work. I learned alot from both of them. Now I own my own business and cannot believe what I see out there now. Try and find a 18 to 21 year old that knows when the boss says work starts at 7 AM he means be there by 6:45 not 9:30. I finaly gave up and work by myself now, its just not worth the hassle. I always laugh about my neighbors. Both parents work and who mows the lawn? Nope not the unemployed 27 year old son but Mom or Dad are always doing it. I see it as their fault because my Dad never would have accepted that kind of behavior. I feel bad for some parents today. Too many teachers and psycologists telling them how they can raise their kids.

P.S. Take this for what it's worth I do not have any children.

 

[ArcticLight]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

There was no "asking" me if I wanted to learn something when I grew up.

My step-dad left me at my uncles two summers in a row where I worked in the oil fields of Wyoming, no choice.

I learned how to mow an acre of land with a push mower and pull weeds...

I could go on and on but these days seems different.

I can't get my daughter interested in shooting or Karate but I keep trying.

She knows more about wilderness survival than most grown men do though - plus for her.

She can tell you that there are 50 different local varieties of mushrooms and if you starve in the woods it's your own damn fault.

She has an interest in fixing engines, and is one hell of a photographer at age 14...

Don't have a son though but if I did....oh boy...I would have done as my step-dad did.

 

[roggom]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

As to OP, I have a 21 Year old Man child as well, I tried with him and he is very strong willed. I spent most of his childhood deployed out to sea so we missed much of the younger bonding time. That is the most important in the early childhood development. especially from 5-15 yo.

I tried to make things easy for him as a child because my childhood sucked. I did him a disservice by giving him things without allowing him to see the results of failure.

Also the internet age did not help in that many young folks thing that rapid access to information is equivalent to knowledge or intelligence. I struggled with this in the Navy as a Senior Chief, mentoring other man children.

Now I have three younger daughters and I spend much time with them and teaching them to be instrumental and we do many things together and they are avid shooters as well. I include my son in every event, but he would rather "hang out" with his friends playing PS3.

I want to exercise some tough Love, but mamma is always there to pick up the slack.

we will see...

 

[cap2031]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

My dad had a simple ideology, that I think made me a man.

I got NOTHING unless I worked for it. Including a roof over my head. I had to work for many things around the farm (bailing hay, dehorning cattle, deworming, feeding, watching cows for difficult births late at night and then pulling those calves, and many, many more).

He taught me how to do stuff, and then made me work for it, and do it right the first time, sometimes that meant using my head a little.

If I wanted to drive the farm truck, I had to do my part.

I see so much given to kids and they will just take what they will, and then that becomes the standard and entitled to them.

Did I hate my father? Mostly, at that time, but he job wasn't to be liked, it was to raise a good kid.

He taught me what it was to work, and figure things out, and how to work on just about anything. Without that I wouldn't be where I am today and on the path that I'm on.

You can always repair a relationship later, but if you don't show a little tough love, its a bigger dis-service to your child than anything else. They will love you for it forever.

 

[Jayne]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: coldboremiracle</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Really? I'd be terrified that my daughter brings home one these skinny pant wearin fag's behind a pair of rhinestone diva glasses. </div></div>

Those guys aren't interested in daughters.

 

[demjunior]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I had typed a long post responding to this thread, but it was just turning to ranting jibberish.

All I will say is that I have lived in OC all my life and you story is not wierd or suprising in the least. Completely typical OC kid driving around his daddys cool lifted truck. Kid probably can't even do an oil change.

 

[Tactical_Tom]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

Being a man is a state of mind, not a set of skills.

 

[bcpdshooter]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

I it seems the trend of society is to create independent young people. As parents by doing this we are teaching the kids to do what they want to do instead of what we tell them. 90% of the time the choices they make are the wrong choice and what do parents do? They fix the problem for the child, so the child did not learn from the bad choice. Tell them what to do, when to do it and why it is done this way, soon they will be making the right choices for themselves.
I have three girls. I am teaching my girls the same thing that i would be teaching boys.
They shoot,fish,hunt,help work on race car,clean the house and so on.
They were not given a choice. When i was not working and they were not in school they were with me. At the age of 9,10,11 I no longer had to tell them to come with me, they would see me getting ready to do something and ask "what are we doing today?"
Ah a fathers joy his three daughters wanting to be involved in whatever he was doing and loving it.
I have friends that have sons and complain about how they can't get them out of the house.
I say this don't give them a choice because you are the parent!

GOD I PRAY YOU HAVE PARENTS RAISING THREE BOYS THAT WILL BE WORTHY OF THE THREE GIRLS I AM RAISING.

 

[SmokinAce]

Re: Raising Boys to Men is proving impossible

How about a “man” that has his father come in to negotiate his salary after being offered a job (guy was probably close to 30)? I shit you not it happened and I stood there with my jaw dropped. Then not a week later I was chatting with a professor, that I consult with for work, from a very large university say he had a gal bring her mom in to argue on her behalf about a grade she got on a project earlier in the week. Sign of the times….