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Maggie’s Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

Sendero_Man

OMWP... the way I roll
Supporter
Full Member
Minuteman
  • Mar 29, 2007
    4,077
    505
    Buffalo, Wyoming
    montanagunslings.com
    Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
    out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
    someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
    make. I found the number and dialed it.

    A man answered, saying "Hello."
    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!"
    and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
    could be so rude.

    When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
    had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her,
    I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered
    the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number
    down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
    I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling"
    would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
    Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller
    ID Program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
    Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
    patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for
    that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

    I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the
    number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
    asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    "Yes, it is", he said.
    "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
    "Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse.

    It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

    "What's your name?" I asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    "I'm home every evening after five."

    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

    "Yes?"

    "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my
    speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to
    call.
    Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
    "Hello."
    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up).
    "Are you still there?" he asked.
    "Yeah," I said.
    "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    "Make me," I said.
    "Who are you?" he asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "Yeah? Where do you live?"
    "Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my
    black Beamer parked in front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
    your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
    Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
    "Hello, asshole," I said.
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    "You'll what?" I said.
    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
    now."
    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
    at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill
    my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down
    in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in
    time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
    six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better.

    Anger management really DOES works. .
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    Thanks for that, is the hardest I've laughed in a long time.
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    awesome
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    Hahaha that was a good one. Everyone is wondering why I'm laughing....
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    Very Funny
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    Great laugh, this just made my day better.
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    sm that was about the funniest damn thing ive heard in so long.the whole time reading it i could just picture my self doing some thing exactly like that.
     
    Re: Subject: How to deal with an asshole!!!

    Man... You're an asshole.
    grin.gif