Wedding advice

[GTOJOSH]

My niece got married last weekend, and at her reception were little advice cards. My son put very sound financial advise, my wife a book recommendation that has helped her. I noticed someone else put a very deep bit of advise, and took a picture of it to remember.
It seems oddly familiar...

Best advice you'd have given?

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

Blow jobs don't end because you are wedding cake.
Wedding cake is not an excuse to gain 40lbs

 

[MtnCreek]

First time she pitches a fit, put her over your knee, spank her ass and tell her if she’s going to act like a child you’re going to treat her like one. I’m not kidding.

 

[THEIS]

Hi,

That they old saying of "2 is 1 and 1 is none" DOES Indeed apply to marriages.

Sincerely,
Theis

 

[powdahound76]

Creeky

I might try that tonight. Momma doesn't throw fits. Kinda sounds like fun though.... ?

Best marriage advice for my ex: Dont marry her.


As for blow jobs:
Is it more normal to prefer to get them without asking for one or accept that you get one every time you suggest or ask?
Curious discussion amongst some guy friends recently.

 

[DavidK]

Next time find someone that wont cook, wont fuck and hates you. Buy her a house. It will be cheaper in the long run.

 

[Mwalex]

Best marriage advice - don't do it, ever, for any reason.

 

[camotoe]

 

[isofahunter]

From a wise old man. "A woman is like a deer rifle you are going to be packing her more than you are shooting her. Make sure your comfortable with that arrangement."

When I heard it did not fully appreciate now 27 years in all I can say is he was right!

 

[TheGerman]

Its totally safe if I pull out.

 

[powdahound76]

If it takes 2 min, she needs more practice......??? no, really.

Or dude should stop watching porn.

Probably both.

 

[The DFC]

That's great

 

[oneshot86]

Booze helps

how come we can give only one like, lol

 

[Jefe's Dope]

Happy wife, happy life.

It's the two of you against the World. Never forget that. Especially when you hate her/him at the moment.

You will fall out of love but don't make hasty decisions as you will fall back in love again and it gets better each time.

If he/she is not your best friend then I'd ask why did you marry them?

 

[Rthur]

Give them the things you would like to have and it will come back.
Not material things btw.

R

 

[oneshot86]

Because your other hand is holding a cold one

too true

 

[Snipe260]

Give them the things you would like to have and it will come back.
Not material things btw.

R

I took this advice and bought her a pocket pussy! It did not end well!

 

[Steel+Killer]

I heard the leading cause of divorce is marriage.....I haven't confirmed that yet............

 

[DavidK]

What food stops a woman from having sex? Wedding cake.

 

[WATERWALKER]

Next time find someone that wont cook, wont fuck and hates you. Buy her a house. It will be cheaper in the long run.

I was given advice very similar to this:

I was standing on the focsle one night looking at SD. The Master Chief opens the hatch & starts a BS’ing w/ me. He asks if I want some bad ass life changing advice & tell him “Lay it on me.” He says “Find yourself a really hot chick that hates you. Buy her a house, have a few kids & just fucking leave. It’s easier that way.” I tell him it can’t be that bad & he tells me w/ a laugh he’s going through his 5th divorce.

 

[acudaowner]

never ask online for wedding advice from complete strangers . sorry that is all I have besides good luck and may the schwartz be with you ...though the buy more ammo could come in handy .

 

[GTOJOSH]

Well, I sent this link to the happy couple with all the sage advice of the internet. I'm sure they'll have plenty to talk about. I gave them an anvil as a wedding gift since they were flying, and was sure they wouldn't get 2 like a blender or some lame repeat gift, so I'm sure I was their most memorable and appreciated guest. Especially now.

 

[EM92wx]

“If you have someone that you think is The One, don’t just think in your ordinary mind, ‘Okay, let’s make a date, let’s plan this and make a party and get married.’ Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you land at JFK and you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.”

As told by Bill Murray at a Bachelor Party he crashed in Charleston South Carolina.

 

[atepointer]

Was at cousins wedding right down on channel coming into marina. Big Hatteras comes by full of guys coming in from fishing and I mean right as the pastor is having them recite vows a guy on the boat yells out 'don't do it bro get out of there we will pick you up at the dock!'. Out of 100 people maybe 92 of them are hyperventilating laughing including the pastor. They are happily married nearly 20 years later with 2 great kids. She is a low maintenance, hard working stay at home mom and the glue that holds that clan together awesome woman my cousin hit it out of the park