Re: when I was a baby I was so ugly_______
...with a <span style="font-style: italic">mirror and a</span> slingshot.
Mine hung a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
...with a <span style="font-style: italic">mirror and a</span> slingshot.
Mine hung a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
Re: when I was a baby I was so ugly_______
I'm guessing you mean "Rodney Dangerfield" ?
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from the hotel.
One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a blow dryer.
I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -three of those times I was still reading it.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
Jack
I'm guessing you mean "Rodney Dangerfield" ?
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from the hotel.
One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a blow dryer.
I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -three of those times I was still reading it.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
Jack
Re: when I was a baby I was so ugly_______
Mega thats some good stuff!
Mega thats some good stuff!
G
Guest
Guest
Re: when I was a baby I was so ugly_______
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Megacab</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
<span style="font-weight: bold">Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."</span>
</div></div>
Mega already posted my all-time favorite.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Megacab</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
<span style="font-weight: bold">Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."</span>
</div></div>
Mega already posted my all-time favorite.
The Doctor dropped me face first on the floor , said to my mom ..hey... it's got be an improvement !
At the Zoo a Tiger pulled me thru the fence , he didn't eat me , he covered me up ...
When I came out , they tried to shove me back in ...
My parents tell everyone I'm a famous movie star........Chucky
At the Zoo a Tiger pulled me thru the fence , he didn't eat me , he covered me up ...
When I came out , they tried to shove me back in ...
My parents tell everyone I'm a famous movie star........Chucky
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Re: when I was a baby I was so ugly_______
When I was born the doctor slapped my parents instead of me! True story : )
When I was born the doctor slapped my parents instead of me! True story : )
Saw him live at one of the Atlantic City Casinos in the early 1980's. His live shows are a tad raunchier than his TV performances. Not Eddie Murphy dirty though.
"I don't ever do well with used cars...The best second car for me to have would be a tow truck". "I hate buying a used car...Every time I buy a used car I find a pair of my wife's panties under the back seat".
"I don't ever do well with used cars...The best second car for me to have would be a tow truck". "I hate buying a used car...Every time I buy a used car I find a pair of my wife's panties under the back seat".
