Maggie’s Why women shouldn't take men shopping....... :D

Sendero_Man

OMWP... the way I roll
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  • Mar 29, 2007
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    Buffalo, Wyoming
    montanagunslings.com
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.


    Dear Mrs.Samsel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking .

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7.. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.




     

    diggler1833

    World's Okayest Rancher and Hog Hunter
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    Minuteman
  • Jul 22, 2007
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    Oklahoma
    Re: WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING....

    Ha ha, that's pretty good!

    It only took a couple of loud farts while we were standing in the checkout line to get my wife to quit taking me.
     

    long range dogr

    Sith Lord, bitches!
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    Minuteman
    Aug 13, 2006
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    Lodgepole, NE
    Re: WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING....

    My wife is now laughing hystericly. I'll have to try some of these the next time we're in Walmart.
    grin.gif
     

    Greg Langelius *

    Resident Elder Fart
    Full Member
    Minuteman
    Aug 10, 2001
    9,041
    5,268
    AZ
    Re: WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING....

    Actually, that has appeared on these pages at least once before.

    No matter...

    I've reached that particular stage in my second childhood that I'm actually taking notes and planning my campaign for my next foray to Arnot Mall.

    I am considering some embellishments, like sandwich boards (the end is here, its name is Greg) and business cards.

    Time to get out the barbarian jacket (an overcoat liner worn inside out) and sandals. I figure black socks would make a dashing touch. I am debating whether or not to carry my USMC NCO saber into the fray(that would probably get me incarcerated...)

    Greg