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Maggie’s You Know You're Italian When...

CamW

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Feb 2, 2004
1,859
16,417
Out West
Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said

TO NY

You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . . . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how t o pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

You've called someone a "mamaluke."

And you understand "bada bing".

 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

Q. How do you ostracize an Italian?

A. Whopp!
laugh.gif
(accompanied by a karate chopping motion with your hand)

Hope none of the sensitive souls around here got too offended by this blatantly racist joke.
grin.gif




 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

Did you know Jesus was Italian? He hung around the same 12 guys, lived at home until he was 30, and his mother thought he was God. SPM
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

you know your italian when your mom can grow a mustache faster than you
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

I'm not even vaguely Italian (although my name is Classical Latin), but I did grow up in a neighborhood called 'Little Napoli', and I really do resemble dem remarks...
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

Yeah, well, all pretty funny but the food and the bella signorinas should make anyone wish they were Italian! I know I always have in the same way I wish I was Irish on St. Pat's day!

I worked in an outstanding little Italian resturante back when I was a 14 year old kid. Learned a ton about the cuisine and had a lot of fun. There were some "interesting" patrons, to be sure.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

What is the sound of abag full of shit hitting the pavement from the 3rd floor?


Wop.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

I hope all you humps are Italians, cause only us "I"talians can say those things.

P.S. Lowlight is Italian too ...yoooz guys are in trouble
laugh.gif
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

I'll let all these Italian jokes slide this time. Next time its "cement galoshes for all of youz guyz!"
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

You know you're italian when everyplaces' red sauce sux compared to your mothers or grandmothers.

You know you're italian when you remember growing up hearing one family member or another saying "it fell off the back of a truck!"
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MAGUA</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I hope all you humps are Italians, cause only us "I"talians can say those things.

P.S. <span style="font-weight: bold">Lowlight is Italian too</span> ...yoooz guys are in trouble
laugh.gif
</div></div>

he is 3' tall...of course he is italian lol
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

You guys are very funny
smile.gif


Paolo, proud to be <span style="font-weight: bold">Italian</span>
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

Mom's in the ground. It's <span style="font-style: italic">my</span> tomata gravy dat rules...
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

you guys heard about the itallion couple that couldnt have a baby and went to see the doc,

the doc, the family doc didnt know how to say it without embarrassing anyone, so he says put the longest thing you got into the hairiest part of her body...

try it for a while and come see me...

they come back all upset and the dago says i have been putting my nose in her armpit for the past month and i cant see how this helps anything...
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: oneshot86</div><div class="ubbcode-body">you guys heard about the itallion couple that couldnt have a baby and went to see the doc,

the doc, the family doc didnt know how to say it without embarrassing anyone, so he says put the longest thing you got into the hairiest part of her body...

try it for a while and come see me...

they come back all upset and the dago says i have been putting my nose in her armpit for the past month and i cant see how this helps anything...


</div></div>

This thread is showing promise.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

.....when your family plans vacations around eating.
.....everyone in your family is named Maria, Loretta, Sal, Mal, or Tony.
.......when you've drank wine since you were 5 yrs old.
......everyone in your family yells and waves their arms around when they have conversations.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

What does an Italian with no arms have?....A speach Impediment
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

When is the only time it's okay to spit on an Italian girl's face?




When her mustache is on fire
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

I'm gonna put a set of those new Italian tires on my truck, I've been told dago through mud, dago through rain, and dago through snow, but when dago flat dago wop wop wop.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
...............................................................

How come Italian's don't like Jehovah witnesses?
They don't like any witnesses
...............................................................

An Italian man immigrates to the United States of America and moves in with some distant relatives in New Jersey. They tell him he should apply for citizenship and they will help him study for the test. They go over all the U.S. history from the Revolutionary war to present day.

Finally, he feels he has enough knowledge to pass the test so he sets an appointment.

He walks into the testing room and the agent giving the test thought he would have a bit of fun, so he said to the man "We have a very simple test for you today. If you can use three English words in one sentence, you will be granted citizenship! The words are green, pink and yellow.

The Italian man thought for several minutes and finally said "O.K., I think I can do that"

Than he said "I hearda the telephone go green, green, green, so I pink it uppa and I say yellow - who is this."
...............................................................

Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business?
A. Usually through the skylight.
................................................................

Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and a pollock?
A. A guy who makes you an offer you can t understand.
...............................................................
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

Question: Whats the only difference between an old Italian woman and a gorilla?








Answer: A gold tooth and a black dress.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

And for the hyphenated abbreviations we have:

Italian-Native male = Wopahoe
Italian-Native female = Sqwop

,,,,don't forget to tip your waitresses.
 
Re: You Know You're Italian When...

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BobcatT870</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What does an Italian with no arms have?....A speach Impediment </div></div>


That is right on