The Chaos of Keeping It Together
This is a field report from life’s trenches. If you’re barely holding it together but still moving forward, fueled by grit, stubbornness, sarcasm, and a few good people, this is for you.
The past few years have been a relentless storm: custody battles, court dates, and legal fees that could bankroll a small revolution. While fighting those, I’ve been building RifleKraft, pouring myself into developing a novel system for training that involves how we interact with our rifles, think, perform, and shoot,. Yes its novel but then I see some nonsense like “Break the mold” and I cant help but feel like by doing that I’m stuck with a karmic bill. So, time goes on and I got the bill anyway, funding it with classes, articles, and a few soul-draining side trips that paid the bills but left me emptier and further from my goals. Trading time I didn’t have to keep everything upright.
Holding it together and still moving forward. I’ve stayed present for my kids, pushed RifleKraft forward, and fought doubts about whether I had anything worthwhile to offer. Voiced it and what comes back? “Be yourself” I cant help but see my ex being sent this and wishing she wasn’t .. so be yourself * Unless you’re a terrible person, then don’t.
I’ve missed deadlines, let down people who couldn’t weather my storm, and carried the guilt. But I kept building, slowly, stubbornly, and not alone. Friends gave me space to write, platforms to speak, and reminders of my worth when I felt stripped bare. Meetups, podcasts, and steady support kept me from crashing and burning. Someone sends me a “Push through the pain” picture and I have to remind them that’s how I turned a sprain into surgery.
My failures are mine. But despite still being in the fight it wasn’t because of a “hang in there” poster. I see those and feel as if someone’s secretly coming up with a noose behind me. Life doesnt come wrapped in “stay positive,” because smiling doesn’t warm a sinking ship. Maybe im just a punk and find fuel in anger, but these motivational memes are too much. Yet day by day riflekraft grows, thehide grows, things are improving, so I say so and rather than sign up for a class or clinic im paid with a “Always give 110%” of some rock climber I actually know putting on their shoes.. Dude, That’s not how math works. Still, im holding it together and still moving forward.
My Inspirational Quote Apocalypse
You’ve seen them, plastered on mugs, Instagram, and corporate slides. They sound profound until life kicks you in the teeth. “Everything happens for a reason”? Usually said by folks who’ve never navigated a custody battle or been sucker punched by life. Sometimes the reason is bad luck or human selfishness. I mean if im going to take this literally then yes, when you miss theres a reason and that reason points to your fundamentals and its 99.9% likely that you did it to yourself. Yet in life, meaning isn’t built in, you carve it out. Universe, I AM trying to build a career in a field I love and excel at, the problem is “Do what you love” is unnecessary reminder that , at least, My hobbies pay in disappointment.
I’m guilty of calling shots on paper as “happening for a reason” when training. Maybe the universe just sucks at shooting and doesn’t like my approach. Everyone’s fundamentals can improve, mine included. I’ll keep analyzing targets at 100 yards, helping people shortcut their path to mastery, even if it leaves me broke and camping. The soul’s worth it.
Then there’s “follow your passion.” Bruh, I’ve chased it, along with invoices and court filings, rent, fines, ammo, and coffee. Passion doesn’t pay retainers. What matters is showing up, even when you don’t feel like it. Still here, barely holding it together, still moving forward. Maybe this is like follow through. You love hitting targets so you have to focus on the goal even after the excitement and loud noises to make sure what happened is what you anticipated. Maybe that’s where I went wrong, because it feels more like a bad workout poster some days: “No pain, no gain”? The 12 bolts in my back aren’t sure how to interpret that. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” No. Sometimes it just leaves you limping, grunting when you put on socks. Survival isn’t strength, it’s a receipt. Please deposit another quarter.
The Cost of Calling Bullshit
I don’t let bad calls slide, especially when they hit someone else. At shooting matches, I’ve called out vague rules or incorrect scoring that screwed newer shooters because they are too intimidated to stand up for themselves. I’ve challenged disrespect, whether it’s aimed at me, my team, or my kids. It’s not about making noise; it’s about protecting those who might not have a voice.
That instinct doesn’t always play well in court or friendships. People want ease, not truth, and when you refuse to stay quiet, you become the problem. I’ve paid for it. But I’d rather be called difficult than be the guy who stood by, filming a preventable wreck. Another day, another day, “The best is yet to come”? This was just the warm-up. Great, not what I was hoping to be reminded. Like blowing a match and having to wait another year to try again. But as long as im around next year we may as well try because it means were holding it together and still moving forward.
Looking Ahead
At 50, I’m at life’s halfway mark with plenty left to do. No time for wasted reps. Every class, every decision, has to move the needle, but its geologically slow and I need fireworks. “Shoot for the moon”? That’s a DQ in any match, bad aim, worse outcome. “Chase your dreams”? Tried it. Got a restraining order. “Rise and grind”? What’s after coffee? “You are enough” Hu?? Enough for what? A participation ribbon?
“Your only limit is you”? I guess I’m sabotaging and inspiring myself at the same time. Good thing I have to take it “One day at a time” Do people really plan to do them all at once?
So day by day, In spite of it all, im getting stronger, tuning back into competitions, slowly gaining awareness about RifleKraft and the training value it offers people. Life is much better than a year ago and triple that of two or three years ago.. Maybe those memes do work. Because Life keeps throwing switchy tailwinds, but my reticle’s more solid than ever my zero’s good day after day, and I’m already on the next target, dope dialed, wind hold adjusted. Come find RifleKraft on thehide.tv and join the tribe. WE have clinics, classes, live, and more, so don’t let life get in your way and find yourself on the receiving end of a poster. Just hold it together long enough that you’re still moving forward.
