KOYOTE's HUMOUR (sic)

[Kir]

I am sure you have all heard about a coyote who got caught in a trap and rather then be captured/killed, gnawed his leg off to escape...

I am also sure most of you have slept with a woman who was "coyote ugly", that when you woke up in the morning and you found her so ugly and you can't extract your arm out from under her that you want to gnaw your arm off rather then wake, face and talk with her.

I once woke up with a woman next to me and although she wasn't coyote ugly, I did have to get up and take a piss. Being the thoughtful kinda of guy that I am, I tried to gently extract my arm out from under her. She woke up and asked me what I was doing. I told her that she was so coyote ugly, I was about to gnaw my arm off to get away from her. She burst out laughing and then asked me what was coyote ugly? After I explained it to her, she laughed again and said she thought that would be a good nickname for her...Coyote, but with a 'K'. Thereafter, I always called her Koyote and she went so far as to get a vanity plate for her car which read "KOYOTE"!

 

[Kir]

THE TRAP​

I hired a new barmaid for the bar one day and after training her in the morning, I left her to do other things. There were two guys who had come in and she appeared to handle everything o.k. I returned in the late afternoon to find the same two guys still sitting at the bar trying to pick up on her.

I said to the guys, “Are you two still here?” then turned to my new barmaid, “Haven’t you told them yet?”

She replied, “ Told them what?”

I said, “About your sex change operation!”

One of the guys leaped off his bar stool, standing on the brass foot rail and literally screamed, “SEX CHANGE OPERATION? WHAT SEX CHANGE OPERATION?”

I burst out laughing, my barmaid got embarrassed and the guy realized that I had just been joking. The next day, I came in and opened the bar for her. Two other guys came in and ordered a drink, so seeing that she had everything well in hand, I left, but returned at noon to check up on her. The two guys who had come in the morning were still there.

“Are you two still here?” I turned to my barmaid and said, “Haven’t you told them yet?”

She replied, knowing what was to come and tried to beat me to the punch, “About what? My sex change operation?”

I acted quite surprised and said, “Sex change operation? You’ve had a sex change operation?”

Naturally she got all embarrassed and the guys were shocked.

 

[ArmyJerry]

naked pics or you are a liar

I am sure you have all heard about a coyote who got caught in a trap and rather then be captured/killed, gnawed his leg off to escape...

I am also sure most of you have slept with a woman who was "coyote ugly", that when you woke up in the morning and you found her so ugly and you can't extract your arm out from under her that you want to gnaw your arm off rather then wake, face and talk with her.

I once woke up with a woman next to me and although she wasn't coyote ugly, I did have to get up and take a piss. Being the thoughtful kinda of guy that I am, I tried to gently extract my arm out from under her. She woke up and asked me what I was doing. I told her that she was so coyote ugly, I was about to gnaw my arm off to get away from her. She burst out laughing and then asked me what was coyote ugly? After I explained it to her, she laughed again and said she thought that would be a good nickname for her...Coyote, but with a 'K'. Thereafter, I always called her Koyote and she went so far as to get a vanity plate for her car which read "KOYOTE"!

 

[Kir]

WALK IN THE PARK​

Mama Cat was walking her kittens across the park when all of a sudden a BIG DOG jumped out from behind a tree, bared his teeth and went, “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”

The kittens were scared and their bodies trembled, too scared and unknowing what to do, but Mama Cat stood her ground, looked at the BIG DOG straight in the eye and from deep in her throat came, “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” The dog ran away.

Mama Cat then turned to her kittens and waving a claw up and down at them said, “NOW do you see the advantage of a second language?”

I am especially fond of this joke as it also has a ring of truth in it. When I was in school, I was not interested in learning any new/different languages. I got tricked into taking German for a year when an instructor came into our class and told us that German was the language of science and of the future. I later went back and took a year of Spanish to finish up a requirement.
Later in life, while working in the casinos in Reno, there were a lot of Philippino women who worked in my department. It seemed there were frequently talking in "Tagaylog", a derivative of the language. I eventually found out they were talking about my boots and how large they were. It seems they believed the larger the boots/feet, the more endowed they are. This led me to learn a few words in the language, like, hello, thank you and good bye. About this time, I started watching the reruns of Hogans Heroes and remembering some of the German I took in school. Whenever I say a few words in German to someone I tell them, "All the German I know, I learned by watching reruns of Hogans Heroes"!

The joke above made me think of a couple more serious situations. Currently ambassadorships are generally rewarded to some people who helped a POTUS get elected, without regard to any qualifications or if they even speak the language. All they have to do is get appointed then approved by the Senate. This leads to incompetent people serving in some very serious situations.
Can you imagine negotiations being held possibly in a foreign language and one has to depend on an interpreter. It could lead to all kinds of mix-ups.

Better qualified people should be appointed to such positions...or else it is just a joke, like this thread!

 

[Kir]

naked pics or you are a liar

In my life, I have lied about many things and even though we went skinny dipping in a hot tub and of course nekkid in bed, she is one of my gf's that I don't have any pics of her nekkid. Others, definitely and of course, but then I wasn't telling about their stories...

 

[Blue Sky Country]

I can tolerate 'coyote ugly' LOL, to a certain extent.

Actually, it's not always the truth but more true than not, the more homely women tend to be more loyal and family oriented and less likely to pull some shit while you are away.

Now the crazy eyes...That is what ya gotta stay clear of.

 

[--BLACKOUT--]

 

[ArmyJerry]

funny

 

[Strykervet]

Shit, sounds like a keeper!

 

[Ravenworks]

Well, her name could have been Aneeda
Little Italian girl named A Needa Facelift

 

[Maxduty]

Well, her name could have been Aneeda
Little Italian girl named A Needa Facelift

I was once told "a lot of good pussy goes to waste over an ugly face."

 

[Kir]

Well this thread went downhill fast! ?

 

[Northfl]

Well this thread went downhill fast! ?

Did you expect anything different??

My buddy said he left the bar with a woman that was half german. Another buddy said the other half was shepard. I about died.

 

[4darkseid]

 

[myronman3]

boop boop boop....ba boop boop boop...news flash they’re ALL psychotic.

 

[Zeroit]

You do know what they say about big shoes don't you?

 

[Zeroit]

Big socks

 

[Kir]

Uncut toe nails...bunions...gout...etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseum!

 

[j-huskey]

Kiyote sed...

 

[j-huskey]

Kiyote dog is confuse..........d

 

[Blue Sky Country]

Kiyote sed...

View attachment 7045312

Times are a' changing:



(Not my cup of tea but I know some dudes who would gladly accept those over real human partners...)

 

[j-huskey]

^^ like maybe somebody been too long on cattle drive ... ????