Maggie’s Ever have one of those sayings that just stuck in your brain forever?

Brother always said" It's hotter than a Nuns cunt in a forest fire". Rest in peace, Bro

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas."

If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped.

Hotter than a two pecker billy goat

Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra

Hire a teenager while they still know everything

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got

All a man has in life is his word. (from Dad when I was about 4)

He's too stupid to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Busier than a one arm paper hanger.

Is a frog's ass water tight?

Pussy hair is stronger than a three corded rope.

You never learn when you are talking, you only learn when you are listening.

If idiots could fly, they would block out the sun.

If If If. If my sister had a dick she'd be my brother

I always heard "hotter than a NINE peckered Billy goat" cooking in a seafood restaurant on the coast.

Mouth shut. Eyes ears open

If I wanted any shit out of you, I would squeeze your head.

Don't get smart. I like you just the way you are.

And the one that has saved my ass many times. Came from a VV. I have learned to not go prompt critical on a light switch. He still tells me.... "John, remain calm. Let them hang themselves." He knows me better than I gave him credit for...

"Life is good. We are lucky to be here" another one of his.

Peace, E

My dad's advice to me before I left for college:
"Be careful where you put your dick and your signature "

They can take all your money, possessions, and life. But your honor and integrity you have to give it away.

Sweating like a fat man at a free dance

“Instructions unclear, dick stuck in _______.”

It wouldn’t be this way if you didn’t want it this way.

You get what you get and you don’t get upset.

Female advice from my G-Pa "A whore was so dumb she gave away a million dollars worth of pussy before she figured out she could get paid for it"

The leading cause of disappointment in life is in trading what we want most for what we want now.

"The things you own, end up owning you"

"Keep up thy airspeed, lest the ground come up and smite thee."

From a book I read...

SLEEP TIL NOON AND SCREW 'EM ALL!

Boom Chaka Laka

heard this in the late 80's and it stuck in my head ever since even when I thought I was going to die in the hospital its almost always on a constant repeat .

If a frog had hip pockets, it would tote a pistol to shoot snakes with.

Age and treachery will overcome Youth and confidence

monkey fuckin a football

Chicken fucking a monkey.