Basicly a rant

[frosty44]

i have just got off the phone to a few people that pissed me off. So... please dont flame me too bad or tell me im being over dramatic, i just figured this might be one of the few places where people can relate..

I went on a run last night at 11:30 pm due largely to the consumption of an energy drink. However, it also caused me to look at a few things. My mind took that caffeine and sent my anxiety threw the roof. I realized I have almost zero applicable job experience and the experience I do have segregate me into a small community of “nut jobs” (by popular opinion) who live for the thrill of combat. I'm not saying that I can not function in normal society, in fact I would probably excel in a normal world if I had to.

However, I do not want to be just another oblivious American. Most are all living there happy little lives, crying “poor me, poor me” And the worst thing about their week was maybe “I lost my job” or “my girlfriend dumped me”. I just cant do that, because I have lived in the parts of the world that “suck” and experienced a truly bad day. A day where my girlfriend didn't dump me. Instead I had to clean blood off my gear from a piece of my friend that I found 150 meters from where he was blown up. How about watching an Iraqi family have a “bad day”, because they have no food, no house, no money so their oldest son straps a bomb to himself to try and make some sort of life for his family. For threw his death and the death of the western influence in his country, he is promised his family will be taken care of. Only to have that promise not only unfulfilled, but turned around. The people who promised this family a better life after his death sell the the daughter and young boy for sex and kill the father for telling the Americans about this. That my friends is is the real world and that's a bad day.

So every time I hear something as trivial as “Man, my day sucked.” I just want to tell them about a day that really sucked. Then ask them what happened during their “Terrible day”. I know that people would think that living in some shitty country for most of a year putting your life on the line for no apparent reason sounds foolish if not strait up moronic to most. But I feel that there is no other way. Once you step into that most dangerous game and have a few close calls, where losing means death. Nothing in your life is going to top that. Its not just the adrenaline or the fear, its a combination of them, plus skill, chaos, confusion, decision making and about a hundred other things. All of this makes up this feeling of the hunt of a person that you know is also hunting you and the resulting conflict once you find each other.

I think I have officially “gone off the deep end” according to normal society. But please tell me if you feel the same way, or if you have experience in putting this monster behind you. Because right now I feel very alone for some reason.

I'm not looking for sympathy at all guys i just needed that off my chest i think.

 

[Hateca]

Re: Basicly a rant

Video

 

[jwSubMOA]

Re: Basicly a rant

Howdy bud.First let me thank you for your service.I have a few friends that didn't come back and some that came back messed up.I have never served in the military but I think I might have some small understanding of where you are coming from.I had a motorcycle accident last year due to some asshole in a hurry.I got to lay in the street and see my leg twitching fifty feet away.My wife and little girl were right behind me and I remember them screaming.When I woke up two months later I had lost my left arm and the right leg plus enough other injuries I've lost count.I tell you this not as a sob story but as a prelude to what follows.I get so damn mad when someone is bitching about work or having a bad day.I was a Tool and Die maker and a pretty damn good Gunsmith.I miss my work even more than just my arm and leg because my profession defined who I was in a way.I believe that perhaps you feel that your profession defines you also.I am trying to come back from this and at least get back to doing something that fulfills me.I also have found myself giving less and less what the fuck anybody thinks of me.If being a Soldier or a Marine or whatever you are gives you a sense of pride or fulfillment,to Hell with people that think you are a "nut case".If you feel that you need something else in your life,you WILL fiqure that out and at least try to accomplish it.When people that haven't experienced a truly BAD day start jawing just remember what YOU have experienced and SURVIVED!You are never alone,there are always others that understand and have had similar experiences to yours.I believe many could be found here.I don't know if this helps at all but I thought I'd try.

 

[kraigWY]

Re: Basicly a rant

Watch HateCA's video, seak help, and for crying out loud back off on the power drinks.

 

[Guest]

Re: Basicly a rant


Everything is relative to one's own circumstances.

There's a rich guy in Boston whose day sucked because somebody put a door ding in his $100,000 car.

There's a poor man in Africa whose day sucked because dirty water supplies have made his child sick.

Each one feels like the world crapped on them today.
Each one is right, in their own way.

dm-frosty,
I'll never know the things you've seen or the feelings you've had.
I have only you and the countless others like you to thank for that.

Hang in there, sir.

 

[Queequeg]

Re: Basicly a rant

There is a lot more for you to do yet in life Mr. Frosty. Enduring the pettiness of insensitive or oblivious people is but a part of it.

Young people, especially those who have emerged through trials most of their peers can barely imagine, often look at their accomplishments with a perspective borne of their youthfulness. While consequential and remarkable, it may turn out in the fullness of time to amount to an exciting, though brief chapter, in a lifetime of experiences that combined, define your life far more significantly.

Don't let ignorant or petty people put you off or distract you from fulfilling your goals and building the rest of your life. You have already come through an enormous challenge. One you will clearly carry a part of in perpetuity.

I worked with many young men in the late '70s' and early '80s' who served in Vietnam. They were older than me but we were all young carpenters and builders then!

Many were not doing well in the post war era, given the attitudes that prevailed at the time and the outright neglect of our public responsibility to help them recover from the effects of the service we tasked them with. Sadly, some of that lack of responsibility persists today. But there are many more people out here who recognize the sacrifice you made and want to help you and your peers.

Regarding pettiness, one thing I used to get angry with myself about was bitching about the heat in their presence, given the fact that Southeast Asia tends to be far hotter and more humid than summers in Tampa. And we typically "rolled up" at 3:30, often to a cold one ( or six!) after work.

Ironically, when some of these guys would cuss the heat I'd feel a little less guilty about it but also somewhat assured that it wasn't "just me" and these guys were just as susceptible to "Relativism" as anyone else. Just tougher and with a richer vocabulary of cuss words and insults: the back bone of the construction industry!

Sometimes we forget ourselves and say and do stupid things in the presence of people we are blessed to be forgiven by. I hope you can find the patience to ignore and forgive those of us with minimal limits of stress endurance.

The "Whine-ery" never closes.

Stay strong and live the rest of your life with vigor. You've earned it!

 

[cav has been]

Re: Basicly a rant

Frosty, I am not feeling very philosophical this morning but your post kind of hit a chord. You are not alone with these feelings. I believe many who have dtdt share them. I also believe that every generation seems to go through a similar forging if you will. It affects each a little differently maybe but know this; You are not alone,you have brothers who have been there before,you have brothers who will be there later. When things get really tough for you personally remember what you have been through and know that this too shall pass. Square your shoulders, take a set, and just keep on keeping on.
I would like to thank you for your service. I would like to look you in the eye, shake your hand, and thank you for your service. i hope another will, best wishes, Steve

 

[ArcticLight]

Re: Basicly a rant

OK SO maybe losing my job isn't such a bad day...

If you come back to the states and lose a job, end up homeless you'll be in the same boat I will be in (If I do not work)....except I'll have a daughter with me.

So yeah, your kind of bad days would definitely put a perspective that we take life for granted...

Civilian skills? First - the ability to turn negative into positive...

How about leadership, management -

You led troops in combat, not a lot of CEO's have that experience.

Ed Kugler was a sniper in Vietnam, he wrote about things such as you did - then went on to become a CEO of HP, Pepsi - and then wrote a book about his experience in Vietnam..

But know that 10 years from now when you have a daughter, a house, and you lose a job your current reality will be such that you will think nothing of yourself but what you will do to keep a roof over your daughters head, food etc....you'll go into survival mode - start working under the table, poach a deer, doing what it takes to survive....as you did in Iraq.

Everybody has something to offer, I know a guy that has zero shit experience working on things - except this guy can tear a motorcycle or lawn mower down blindfolded...so maybe he opens a small business doing that - not sure...

Or maybe you go take CEO potential and open a CEO security service - hell there's a lot of scared CEO's out there right now...

Or you train Law Enforcement based on your experiences.

Turn a negative into a positive and make it work for you.

Me, I was a forktruck driver, hobby was hacking computers.

Now I'm an IT Security specialist that knows DOD computer security inside and out...and I'm taking that skill to the civilians now...

Do it.

 

[Switchblade]

Re: Basicly a rant

Whay are you all enabling this guy? WTF?
Look in the mirror frosty and suck it up. You got zero to cry about because you have your legs, arms, and face among other things. You have a fairly good life, maybe a little PTSD, but nothing worth crying about. Do what every other joe does when in your situation. Look toward your friends. If you do not have a trustworthy friend, look to a local VA, VFW, etc and find someone to sit and have a brew with, and maybe talk about shit.
Some of us have had those days, some have had worse, and others not as bad, but to anextent, many of us have been in that place and done what needed to be done for the day.
I'm a dick. So what. I don't have many issues and try not to sing the blues too badly, adn don't really talk to many people about it. I'm a hard headed fucker. SO are lots of people here. You know, Type A, big tough guy, don't do shit but be hard, yeah, you know.
Of course you know we are here to look at your typed words. SOme of us will even offer a kind word or a smack to teh back of the head. You're in NC. How close to Bragg are you? I am sure there is a veteren's center there.
Here is a number you may use. It's from the OEF/OIF CLinic
1-866-403-2668. They may also direct you to someone local.
I don't know you from jack or shit, but shoot me a PM. Rant away. If I think you ain't too much of a pussy, I'll shoot you my number so you have a friendly ear. Oh, adn if you think I'll be all nice and shit, well maybe I will, but if I think you are being a candy ass puke, I'll tell you so because I am direct like that. Oh, and stay the hell away from the energy drinks man, that shit is poison in your body, makes your mind wander late at night.

 

[deadly0311]

Re: Basicly a rant

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Switchblade</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Whay are you all enabling this guy? WTF?
Look in the mirror frosty and suck it up. You got zero to cry about because you have your legs, arms, and face among other things. You have a fairly good life, maybe a little PTSD, but nothing worth crying about. Do what every other joe does when in your situation. Look toward your friends. If you do not have a trustworthy friend, look to a local VA, VFW, etc and find someone to sit and have a brew with, and maybe talk about shit.
Some of us have had those days, some have had worse, and others not as bad, but to anextent, many of us have been in that place and done what needed to be done for the day.
I'm a dick. So what. I don't have many issues and try not to sing the blues too badly, adn don't really talk to many people about it. I'm a hard headed fucker. SO are lots of people here. You know, Type A, big tough guy, don't do shit but be hard, yeah, you know.
Of course you know we are here to look at your typed words. SOme of us will even offer a kind word or a smack to teh back of the head. You're in NC. How close to Bragg are you? I am sure there is a veteren's center there.
Here is a number you may use. It's from the OEF/OIF CLinic
1-866-403-2668. They may also direct you to someone local.
I don't know you from jack or shit, but shoot me a PM. Rant away. If I think you ain't too much of a pussy, I'll shoot you my number so you have a friendly ear. Oh, adn if you think I'll be all nice and shit, well maybe I will, but if I think you are being a candy ass puke, I'll tell you so because I am direct like that. Oh, and stay the hell away from the energy drinks man, that shit is poison in your body, makes your mind wander late at night.
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I agree with Switch 100%....you are a Marine or Soldier....We have all seen that shit if once deployed in support of OEF or OIF. The people that have those bad days, fuck em....it dont mean shit to you, just keep on truckin about your day. No need to sit and whine about it or feel that no one knows what you have been through

 

[Guest]

Re: Basicly a rant

Bottom line, you don't turn it off like a switch, and only those that understand, understand. Problem is two fold with those that do, some only want to talk about past events, which can help somewhat. It also can be fuel in the wrong context, the trick is knowing what is working for you and you only. The Military does a very poor job of de-programing. In the 60's depending your A/O you were in the field up to and within 12-48 hrs of rotating from a free fire zone, and less than 24 hrs later, jay walking was a crime. I'll tell you straight up, that shit don't work, and those guys with handcuffs have backup.

 

[UKDslayer]

Re: Basicly a rant

First, thank you for your service. I haven't "BTDT" so I cannot relate - quite. But I have seen people die, and some pretty horrible traumas. I know some people whose life just seem sh*t piled on more sh*t. I used to do hospice care too - everything seemed very "relative" then. Yeah, a flat tire didn't mean much to me back then.
OK, so you've seen the worst - but what I'm hearing is you want to stay surrounded by it? You don't want a "normal" civilian job? Skills - I agree you probably have more than you think. You're a Marine, that means you can handle regimentation, working your but off, and finishing a mission (substitute: civilian project). Those are damn good job traits in any field. The question is do you need to be surrounded by the worst surroundings the world as to offer? Are you an adrenaline junkie? (Its OK to admit, there are people that thrive on a risk of dying every day - like race car drivers). You want that heavy life-death rush? There's been papers written about the euphoria some people get from surviving near-death experiences (hence the popularity/arousal of auto-asphyxiation). I think a similar theme was the point of "The Hurt Locker" (I know Bollywood, but still). Go serve DEA warrants. Work as a paramedic or even trauma surgeon. Go to Bollywood and be a stunt driver. Or stay where you are, but if you do I suggest you do speak to someone, even if just a chaplain, so that YOU can convince you're not crazy - 'cause I can tell your questioning yourself. There are guys here that can relate. Talk to them.

 

[TOP PREDATOR]

Re: Basicly a rant

can't make it in civilian life? re-inlist

can't make it in military life? don't take anyone else out with you when the last fuse blows.

aim high in your mouth, use hollowpoints with a shotgun primer in the opening to ensure expansion.

can't make it in either and can't pull the trigger? pack up some shit, head to hills and leave both behind.

ok things went bad. when you sign up, it's not just a camping trip or $ for college, but there is a real possibility of going to war or deployed to any half a dozen skirmishes around the world. although tragic, what do people think may happen when they inlist?

in retrospect, i commend and thank you for joining up as orwell said, "to do violence on my part so i can rest peaceably in my bed". i appreciate it as i'm too damn old and used up to do it myself anymore. however those that go to defend a nation should realize that things will never be the same, and that, well as soldiers, there's some soldiering that has to be done.

sorry for being insensitive, and i'll probably get flamed for the above, but they have shrinks for that sort of thing. considered one myself, but to be honest and open for it to work i figured they'd lock my ass up.

so you are letting it off your chest, great it's a start. an open forum isn't the solution, get yourself some professional help as the shadows will be there, always ready to come out.

suck it up and control the "monster" as you put it, or give in and be another oblivious american whining about how bad they have it cuz they can't hack it in normal society (no such thing) and then leach off everyones tax dollar.

15 years out and while looking into the eyes of my wife and daughter cause you loose your job and can't get another IS a sucky or bad day, that's when you embrace "the monster" and do what's neccessary to provide. you realize it's not just you that is at stake, but the other lives that go down with you if you fail. happy little life?

oh if the poor iraqi bastard is starving, no house no food, well he can move his ass somewhere else, if he chooses to stay no remorse for him or his spawn that'll follow in his footsteps. look just about anywhere here in the US and you'll find the same damn thing.

cleaning up your buddy's blood and guts? - lessons learned, make no friends. once again doesn't anyone realize that their buddies or themselves are in actual harm's way? once again tragic but you are a soldier for gods sake. shit goes bad, be ready for it or work in a factory.

i too am sick of the "i'm a victim" crowd, whether it is a civilian or soldier. we all get delt bad cards in our little worlds, it's up to yourself to overcome or be overwhelmed.

sorry, but the "real world" is the world you are living in now, whether a combat zone or suburbia. judging one's reality is worse than someone else's is bunk.

 

[frosty44]

Re: Basicly a rant

OK I'm going to clear a few things up really quick before i look like another ass hole looking for a pity party. yesterday, we had a day of remembrance for our 14 fallen brothers we lost last year. As a result me and the guys had a few drinks on their behalf. Then I get a few back to back phone calls from people complaining about a ton of trivial stuff to me. I understand that a person perspective on how bad a day is, is based off of personal experience. I still wanted to tell them how much there situation wasn't a big deal, but i didn't. As for being segregated into the “nut job” category I really don't mind and most of the time I'm proud of it.

then after this I tell my parents that aside from all the bad parts of my job, I still love what i do and if after school I feel the same way then i will probably go to a federal agency or even back military as an officer. This was promptly followed by a lack of support in some rather harsh words of how much i didn't care about the family. This didn't make me feel bad by any means because I know that by me doing a job like this means I do care for our family, and not just them but our whole country. I know this was said out of love, because they don't want me to put myself in danger, but this is what i love to do and no one will tell me otherwise, Parents or anyone else. as for my experiences, I was as prepared as possible to shoot somebody, get shot, or see a good friend get hit and in the long long run that did not “haunt my dreams” or give me PTSD by any means. I was well trained and i understood that by me signing an infantry contract i am going to see some shit or get hit myself. i knew all my friends felt the same way. My personal slogan is "shit happens don't dwell on it". I was not complaining about seeing such a sight as described above. i was simply stating that, that was a shitty day. As for the Iraqi he made his choices but once again I was using as an example of a shitty day for the surviving mother. I don't think anyone would say otherwise.
I would also like to say I was a little drunk last night when I posted that message and I am kind of embraced of it. I know I am not alone and there are lots of people who had it a lot worse than me. I can only imagine what a marine who went threw the island hopping campaign was thinking when he had to deal with a punk ass kids like I used to be. Mostly I am embarrassed about letting my slogan down by coming on here and bitching about how stupid people are for just being normal and for dragging a story of a dead friend into a public forum just to prove a point. I usually avoid this kind of stuff. I do not think I have PTSD and I don't believe I will have to much trouble sleeping without an energy drink in my gut. sorry again

Frosty

 

[Switchblade]

Re: Basicly a rant

pussy!

 

[ArcticLight]

Re: Basicly a rant

Frosty yer OK in my book, a few drinks celebrating fallen friends brings out emotions.

 

[Bryan27]

Re: Basicly a rant

I walk into work every day knowing that it's going to be a fucked up mess and I'm the only one that is being relied upon to fix it. It ate me up for about a year getting adjusted to it and I thought about quitting many times. Then I'd tell myself, "Don't be a PUSSY". Now I have adopted a new attitude towards my work, I still work as hard or harder than ever, the fucked up messes keep on flowing, but now I give it a big shit eating grin when I walk through the door because I realize that when I go home at night none of what happened at work makes one iota of difference in my life and that somewhere, someone in this world is having a REAL bad day. When something's fucked up, SMILE at it. You'll feel better about it and those around you will think you've gone crazy.

 

[christian77]

Re: Basicly a rant

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Bryan27</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...when I go home at night none of what happened at work makes one iota of difference in my life and that somewhere, someone in this world is having a REAL bad day.</div></div>
BINGO!

Trust me, as bad as you think it is...it ain't that bad!

 

[JSTARSZ]

Re: Basicly a rant

Frosty, what you are feeling is very normal. After numerous Middle East/South Asia tours it is easy to get into the world doesn't know what is going on over there and they seem not to care. Every time I get that feeling I want to scream out loud WTF, why don't you people understand what is going on and why are your lives so trivial compared to what i have gone through. The first thing to understand is you are a 1%er. Very few people serve anymore and have no idea what you have seen or gone through- they never will so don't expect them to. It usually takes me months after deployment to come to the realization that my experiences are best discussed with those that have seen what I have seen and dealt with what I have dealt with. Friends and family always ask questions but I don't let them in my world very much. I save that for people who have the same experiences as I.

As far as fitting in to the world - guys like you are the ones we want to move forwards. The guys who are goal oriented, task driven and can show up on time and ready to work hard. You are very much the person that can do very well in this country.

You are at a decision point in your life - reenlist, go to school, or get a job or do the combination. At this point the world is your oyster - Carpe Diem - Seize the day.

What you are feeling is normal and natural to the experiences that you have gone through. I have zero issues with what you wrote and in fact after a Red Bull or two, combined with Vodka, I would probably write the same thing.

 

[Switchblade]

Re: Basicly a rant

As you all know, my favorite way to think upon all this type of stuff is as follows:

Sit back in a nice chair on the deck, look toward the setting sun over the Tennessee hills, light up a nice cigar, pour a glass of good bourbon, then have at it. If a good friend is there to enjoy it with me, then it is that much better.
Life is good where we are here. It sucks ass over there. Put it in a box, lock it tight, open it up once in a while then close it again and let all the stuff from it blow away in the cigar's hazy blue smoke

 

[Switchblade]

Re: Basicly a rant

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: doorkicker</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Bryan27</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...when I go home at night none of what happened at work makes one iota of difference in my life and that somewhere, someone in this world is having a REAL bad day.</div></div>
BINGO!

Trust me, as bad as you think it is...it ain't that bad!

</div></div>

Kin we all do Kum Bai Yah now and get a big group hug?