i have just got off the phone to a few people that pissed me off. So... please dont flame me too bad or tell me im being over dramatic, i just figured this might be one of the few places where people can relate..
I went on a run last night at 11:30 pm due largely to the consumption of an energy drink. However, it also caused me to look at a few things. My mind took that caffeine and sent my anxiety threw the roof. I realized I have almost zero applicable job experience and the experience I do have segregate me into a small community of “nut jobs” (by popular opinion) who live for the thrill of combat. I'm not saying that I can not function in normal society, in fact I would probably excel in a normal world if I had to.
However, I do not want to be just another oblivious American. Most are all living there happy little lives, crying “poor me, poor me” And the worst thing about their week was maybe “I lost my job” or “my girlfriend dumped me”. I just cant do that, because I have lived in the parts of the world that “suck” and experienced a truly bad day. A day where my girlfriend didn't dump me. Instead I had to clean blood off my gear from a piece of my friend that I found 150 meters from where he was blown up. How about watching an Iraqi family have a “bad day”, because they have no food, no house, no money so their oldest son straps a bomb to himself to try and make some sort of life for his family. For threw his death and the death of the western influence in his country, he is promised his family will be taken care of. Only to have that promise not only unfulfilled, but turned around. The people who promised this family a better life after his death sell the the daughter and young boy for sex and kill the father for telling the Americans about this. That my friends is is the real world and that's a bad day.
So every time I hear something as trivial as “Man, my day sucked.” I just want to tell them about a day that really sucked. Then ask them what happened during their “Terrible day”. I know that people would think that living in some shitty country for most of a year putting your life on the line for no apparent reason sounds foolish if not strait up moronic to most. But I feel that there is no other way. Once you step into that most dangerous game and have a few close calls, where losing means death. Nothing in your life is going to top that. Its not just the adrenaline or the fear, its a combination of them, plus skill, chaos, confusion, decision making and about a hundred other things. All of this makes up this feeling of the hunt of a person that you know is also hunting you and the resulting conflict once you find each other.
I think I have officially “gone off the deep end” according to normal society. But please tell me if you feel the same way, or if you have experience in putting this monster behind you. Because right now I feel very alone for some reason.
I'm not looking for sympathy at all guys i just needed that off my chest i think.
I went on a run last night at 11:30 pm due largely to the consumption of an energy drink. However, it also caused me to look at a few things. My mind took that caffeine and sent my anxiety threw the roof. I realized I have almost zero applicable job experience and the experience I do have segregate me into a small community of “nut jobs” (by popular opinion) who live for the thrill of combat. I'm not saying that I can not function in normal society, in fact I would probably excel in a normal world if I had to.
However, I do not want to be just another oblivious American. Most are all living there happy little lives, crying “poor me, poor me” And the worst thing about their week was maybe “I lost my job” or “my girlfriend dumped me”. I just cant do that, because I have lived in the parts of the world that “suck” and experienced a truly bad day. A day where my girlfriend didn't dump me. Instead I had to clean blood off my gear from a piece of my friend that I found 150 meters from where he was blown up. How about watching an Iraqi family have a “bad day”, because they have no food, no house, no money so their oldest son straps a bomb to himself to try and make some sort of life for his family. For threw his death and the death of the western influence in his country, he is promised his family will be taken care of. Only to have that promise not only unfulfilled, but turned around. The people who promised this family a better life after his death sell the the daughter and young boy for sex and kill the father for telling the Americans about this. That my friends is is the real world and that's a bad day.
So every time I hear something as trivial as “Man, my day sucked.” I just want to tell them about a day that really sucked. Then ask them what happened during their “Terrible day”. I know that people would think that living in some shitty country for most of a year putting your life on the line for no apparent reason sounds foolish if not strait up moronic to most. But I feel that there is no other way. Once you step into that most dangerous game and have a few close calls, where losing means death. Nothing in your life is going to top that. Its not just the adrenaline or the fear, its a combination of them, plus skill, chaos, confusion, decision making and about a hundred other things. All of this makes up this feeling of the hunt of a person that you know is also hunting you and the resulting conflict once you find each other.
I think I have officially “gone off the deep end” according to normal society. But please tell me if you feel the same way, or if you have experience in putting this monster behind you. Because right now I feel very alone for some reason.
I'm not looking for sympathy at all guys i just needed that off my chest i think.
