Maggie’s concealable weapons

[dtask]

I read this on another forum and laughed my ass off, so I thought I'd share. Apparently it's born from a Craigslist ad. Enjoy!

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Disguised Weapons
Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike


<span style="font-style: italic">From Jeff ****** to Me:</span>

I am. lets see what you got.


<span style="font-style: italic">From Me to Jeff ******:</span>

Jeff,

Here you go:

Looks like a normal spoon, right?

Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike


<span style="font-style: italic">From Jeff ****** to Me:</span>

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.


<span style="font-style: italic">From Me to Jeff ******: </span>

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike


<span style="font-style: italic">From Jeff ****** to Me:</span>

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.


<span style="font-style: italic">From Me to Jeff ******:</span>

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:

At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike


<span style="font-style: italic">From Jeff ****** to Me:</span>

youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.

 

[MidwestPX]

Re: concealable weapons

www.dontevenreply.com

Hours of entertainment there

 

[LWILLIAMS]

Re: concealable weapons

Thats one of the best ones I have seen.

 

[Helidriver]

Re: concealable weapons

That was creative. Good stuff

 

[BadBowtie03]

Re: concealable weapons

HAHAHAHAHAHAH Holy Crap read this one:

Tree Removal Barter
Posted at: 2010-01-22 02:20:47 | 216 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
i need a grille not the cole kind but the gas kind. i will barter my skill as a landscaper in turn for a good grille if u need any kind of landscape work
From Me to **************@***********.org:

Hello,

I saw your ad looking for a grill in exchange for your landscaping skills. Do you do tree removal? If so, there is a very expensive grill in it for you.

Thanks,

Mike

From josh ******* to Me:

yes

From me to josh *******:

Great! There is a pine tree that has been bothering me and I want it cut down. You won't have to remove it. It hasn't been a problem until about two years ago when it got much taller. My problem with it is that it is obscuring the view to my neighbor's upstairs bathroom window. I used to have a perfect view of the neighbor's wife changing in the bathroom every day. She had great tits and an ass that was out of this world. It really completed my morning whenever I caught a glimpse of her. Now that this damn pine tree is in the way, I can't see a thing.

If you could go onto my neighbor's property and cut the tree down while they are at work, I will let you take the grill that is outside on their patio. I'm not sure what brand it is, but it is a gigantic propane grill. It looks really nice.

If they ask about it, I will tell them that a huge storm happened while they were at work, and the wind blew the tree over and blew the grill away. Meanwhile you will be enjoying a delicious salisbury steak from your new grill, and I wil be enjoying my neighbor's hot wife as she steps into the shower.

They usually leave for work around 7:30 AM during the week, and come back home around 6:00 PM. If you could have it done before they get back on Monday, that would be great.

Thanks,

Mike

From josh ******* to Me:

wat the fuck r u smoking dude? so i cut down ur neigbors tree and u let me steal his grille. what a grate deal ass hole. how bout i just take the grille and dont cut down the tree u fuck

From me to josh *******:

You don't know where his house is, so how are you going to steal the grill? I think my information in exchange for your services is a fair trade. I'll even let you come over for a few beers afterward, and we can watch the wife in the bathroom from my bedroom window.

Mike

From josh ******* to Me:

i dont want a stolen grille i want a real grille u retard wat da fuck is ur problem. and i dont give a shit bout naked neigbor u fuckin perv

From me to josh *******:

I assure you that this grill is real. By cutting down the tree, you are earning the grill and it will not be stolen. Also, if seeing a naked woman isn't your thing, you could probably catch the husband changing in the bathroom as well. I won't be watching, but I'm not one to judge your lifestyle.

Mike

From josh ******* to Me:

ur the fagot u dick sucking fuck fag cock sucker!! eat a fuckin dick u piece of shitt!!!

 

[MCSO1357]

Re: concealable weapons

doosh bags on craig's list - classic!

 

[camocorvette]

Re: concealable weapons

HAHAHAHA i am tearing up this sh*t is awesome!!!

I loved the thirsty for justice m16

 

[Powder_Burns]

Re: concealable weapons

Carrying the fridge up 26 flights of stairs was a good one too.

The racist microwave buyer is a classic as well.

 

[DAFAR]

Re: concealable weapons

Oh man thanks I needed a good laugh

 

[SwVaGlocker]

Re: concealable weapons

lmao that's some good stuff