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Maggie’s Funny & awesome pics, vids and memes thread (work safe, no nudity)

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“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth a war, is much worse. When a people are used as mere human instruments for firing cannon or thrusting bayonets, in the service and for the selfish purposes of a master, such war degrades a people. A war to protect other human beings against tyrannical injustice; a war to give victory to their own ideas of right and good, and which is their own war, carried on for an honest purpose by their free choice, — is often the means of their regeneration. A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. As long as justice and injustice have not terminated their ever-renewing fight for ascendancy in the affairs of mankind, human beings must be willing, when need is, to do battle for the one against the other.”​

― John Stuart Mill, Principles of Political Economy
 
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Saw him live in 1989 in Raleigh, NC. Freaking hilarious... one of the best stand-up shows I ever saw. Died for 2 hours straight...

The Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


And fuck yes, I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize!

Sirhr
One of my favorite lines from him is

Some people have one of those days. I have one of those lives.

Might not be exact, was a long time ago. I love his style of humor.
 
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Depends. Are their any colored bands around the circumference?
Ever seen the wreckage of a car that had a head on at a closure rate of 100mph? Now consider 300+mph that projectile hitting the ground. I’m not convinced. Maybe big range ROs can enlighten us on this.
 
Ever seen the wreckage of a car that had a head on at a closure rate of 100mph? Now consider 300+mph that projectile hitting the ground. I’m not convinced. Maybe big range ROs can enlighten us on this.

Well, I’ve detonated a few pieces of ordnance that did not function as designed upon impact with the earth. Still possible to ID.
 

Love it!!!! Women, Tik Tok, Facebook, Instagram, all things destroying us from within.

I just read someone post in the MPT about eating stuff out of some chicks ass....Im sure this one can deliver some tear cake turds if interested.
 

Trespasser or utility worker?

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*edited to add*

A buddy told me “It’s a Checnya guy that was a “contractor” taking photos of a Colonel from SoCOM and his house, property and family.”

Sadly, he needs to move. Immediately. Or at least seriously reconsider his security protocols.

There’s a reason I have basically zero social media presence…only an old LinkedIn account that I haven’t actively updated in years, well, except for putting up the retired crap as a bit of a tongue in cheek jab at myself last week, LoL.

I was never a cool kid, or even somebody of real import in my previous life, but my eyes were opened when I was heading up an exercise in Bulgaria, and the photographer from the “local newspaper” blatantly walked around me taking head-to-toe pictures, while the ”reporter” was asking very personal questions that had nothing to do with the military exercise we were conducting. I looked at him and said “really?” and basically stopped answering any questions.

He just looked back at me and shrugged, with a funny little smile on his face; basically said hey, we had to try.

And that was in a friendly country. I have no illusions that basically every member of our military over the rank of Major has a dossier … and likely on a prioritized target list in the hands of at least some of the thousands of ‘refugees’ streaming across our southern border every day.

….

sorry for the rant…kind of a sensitive subject for me; I’m too often reminded that my previous life is never truly gone no matter how hard I try to walk away and retire. Not an issue, we all signed up for that, and again, I’m proud of my service. Just sad how the world has changed.

OT: A reminder of what this weekend’s really about…Enjoy your cookouts, and fun times at the lake or beach, but remember that some gave all to allow us these luxuries.

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That was taken several years ago…my son is now 3-years into post college life, and married. And our daughter’s now in college too. Time flies.; enjoy it while we can!