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Maggie’s Funny & awesome pics, vids and memes thread (work safe, no nudity)

Little man is a hell of a goalie. He blocked the shit out of that shot.
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Jumbo has sunk..

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The Jumbo restaurant was an iconic landmark of Hong Kong, however had not been profitable since 2013

The Jumbo restaurant capsized in the South China Sea while on its way to an undisclosed location, its parent company said.

I think the undisclosed location was meant to be the bottom of the sea.
 
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Everyone that has a Bible will need to get it for this story. If you don't have one, you will have to use the magic of an internet search.

A new preacher is in town and is taking the time to visit the homes of every member of his new congregation. It's a nice day and perfect strolling weather.

He comes to the door of the home of a congregant. The windows are all open and he can hear the radio playing softly in one of the rooms. Only the screen door is closed at the entrance.

He rings the doorbell and waits patiently. There is no answer. He rings the doorbell again. As before, nobody comes to the door.

He rings one more time and calls out; "hello, is anyone home?"

He calls out several times but no answer. So he takes out his business card and writes "Revelation 3:20" on the back. He places the card between the screen door and the door jam then leaves.

The following Sunday, he delivers one of his best sermons. Everyone is pleased to have him and his family as part of the church.

After saying goodbye to everyone at the steps of the church, he goes to the alter to gather up the collection plates.

In one of the plates, he notices his business card on top of the tithes and offerings.

He picks it up and notices under the verse that he wrote that another one is scrawled on the card; "Genesis 3:10."

You will have to look up the verses for yourselves.
 
It was the kindergarten teacher's birthday and the students decided that they would each buy her a gift.

The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that it is flowers".

"How did you guess?"
asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.

The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."

"How did you guess?"
asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.

The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box that was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.

"No," said the little girl.

So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," replied the little girl, "It is a puppy”.
 
Nobody cares. They make the best blades.

If you have a beard, that is of no consequence. A razor blade hasn't touched my face in 5-6 years at all. Used to shave above and below, now I just run the trimmer over it every Sunday to prepare for my 2 day in the office/3 day remote work schedule.

And I endeavor to never give money to people who think I am evil like Gillette does.
 
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