That's fucking NASTY LOL
- Thread starter hic28
- Start date
The next time a friend asks you to feed his dog and check on his house while he's on vacation, simply go to the pantry and rip all the labels off of their canned food.
Or swap the labels if you have time
touch a can of that and at the end of the day when you take off your boots, you'll find the crap between your toes!
Almost twenty years ago, my wife & I were getting ready for a Christmas party on a Friday night in December & in Michigan. If y’all have never been, Michigan gets fucking cold in the winter. I left a gallon of water in my vehicle all week. Obviously, it was frozen. After a few hours sitting in the house it had thawed about 1/2 way (1/2 water & 1/2 block of ice) but was still cold as fuck. My wife was taking a hot shower & I just couldn’t help myself; I stood on the toilet & poured every last drop of water all over her. She was furious! I couldn’t stop laughing & this made her even more pissed.
Another time my wife & I were Christmas shopping. We went into a rather large & busy department store & as we got to the cash register she asks “Hey babe, I forgot my card. Can I borrow yours?” I looked at her as I gave her my card & said more than loud enough for everyone to hear “Look baby, you’re gonna have to get your husband to start paying for this stuff.” Mic drop & out. I walked outside to my truck & waited for her. She was pissed again. She said all the other women were looking at her like she was a home wrecker, etc. She said she looked at the cashier & the old woman behind her & told them “He was kidding. That’s my husband.” She says the old lady rolled her eyes & wouldn’t look at her anymore.
Good times.
Another time my wife & I were Christmas shopping. We went into a rather large & busy department store & as we got to the cash register she asks “Hey babe, I forgot my card. Can I borrow yours?” I looked at her as I gave her my card & said more than loud enough for everyone to hear “Look baby, you’re gonna have to get your husband to start paying for this stuff.” Mic drop & out. I walked outside to my truck & waited for her. She was pissed again. She said all the other women were looking at her like she was a home wrecker, etc. She said she looked at the cashier & the old woman behind her & told them “He was kidding. That’s my husband.” She says the old lady rolled her eyes & wouldn’t look at her anymore.
Good times.
Lmao??
This is a prank that anyone can do. While at work, leave a "While You Were Out" message on a coworker's desk. The message should read, contact Mr Baer, very important. Then write down the phone number to your local zoo.
Hello, may I speak to Mr Baer? Um, this is the _________________ Zoo.
Hello, may I speak to Mr Baer? Um, this is the _________________ Zoo.
How could your friends tell he turned your dick orange....
That story went off the rails when he said he had friends.
What kind of man lotions his entire body after a shower?
Across the street from a shop I used to work in was a pop machine that the town hobo used to check the coin return every day at 10:15. He was so regular you could about set your clock by his arrival. The coin return had a flapper on it so you had to stick your finger in it to check for loot.
One day our parts man put a drop of rear view mirror super glue, the instant stick and doesn't let go type shit, a couple of minutes before Bill's arrival.
Bill came down the street and stuck his finger in there, Gotcha. He screamed and hollered and cussed like I had never heard before and finally ripped off a bit of skin and went home.
The parts man scraped out the hide and glue with a sharp screwdriver and for the next few days Bill used a little stick to check the slot out.
About a week later the parts man glued a quarter in there and put a drop on top of it. Here comes Bill with his stick and when he saw the loot he got excited and stuck a finger in to get it and got trapped again. Screaming and cussing again he finally tore off that bit of skin and went home mad as hell.
Bill was kind of a slow learner and would get trapped about once a month for 3 or 4 months before he got smart and brought his own screwdriver along with him.
That ended the fun there but the guys at the transmission shop half a block away managed to catch him one more time in the phone booth in front of their shop. After that Bill would only use tools to get coins out of the returns all over town.
One day our parts man put a drop of rear view mirror super glue, the instant stick and doesn't let go type shit, a couple of minutes before Bill's arrival.
Bill came down the street and stuck his finger in there, Gotcha. He screamed and hollered and cussed like I had never heard before and finally ripped off a bit of skin and went home.
The parts man scraped out the hide and glue with a sharp screwdriver and for the next few days Bill used a little stick to check the slot out.
About a week later the parts man glued a quarter in there and put a drop on top of it. Here comes Bill with his stick and when he saw the loot he got excited and stuck a finger in to get it and got trapped again. Screaming and cussing again he finally tore off that bit of skin and went home mad as hell.
Bill was kind of a slow learner and would get trapped about once a month for 3 or 4 months before he got smart and brought his own screwdriver along with him.
That ended the fun there but the guys at the transmission shop half a block away managed to catch him one more time in the phone booth in front of their shop. After that Bill would only use tools to get coins out of the returns all over town.
Strange, I have the upmost respect for that guy (Ricky) because he absolutely played me. The funny thing is the three of us had messed with so many people at work. We knew each other's set ups and played the shill. He got me because he recruited the HR lady to set me up. Set em up, and knock em down. THAT got my respect. I still owe him though, and I'm very patient. It might be 10 years and several girl friends later, but he will get his.
On older vehicles that you could open the hood on, I used to put a jumper wire from the head light 12 volt power to the horn. Or from the turn signal to the horn. It was hilarious to watch the reaction of the victim. on a rainy day put grease on the edge of the wiper blades. Another fun prank is to put a rubber band or tape around the sprayer at the sink. When the next person turns the faucet on they get sprayed.
Hahahahha I've always considered doing this, only with maggots. Buy 20,000 maggots, let them pupate into flies in a cardboard box, and mail the box to the target. No shit, if they open that box in their house, there will be a self-sustaining population of flies in that house for 25 years!! I'm in the feeder-insect industry, trust me!!
I was always the fan of either the old standby Ax-Qual, getting the keys to the HMMWV, or sending a new boot up to one of the not so nice higher-ups and having them ask for an E4/6/7 Prick...always made sure I was hidden when that went down.
Or sticking them snap poppers under the lid of a toilet seat so when they sit down they get a nice pop.
If I had known about them, those Sugar-Free gummy bears seem to have quite an explosive effect on people..
Or sticking them snap poppers under the lid of a toilet seat so when they sit down they get a nice pop.
If I had known about them, those Sugar-Free gummy bears seem to have quite an explosive effect on people..
In high school in auto shop class we had a guy do this to a girls truck, he ran jumper wires from the secondary coil on the starter into the seat cushion so there were bare wires sticking up in the seat. On the third try of trying to start her truck, I was literally on the ground laughing! She finally figured out it was something we did because we were dying!
My other favorite is to fold a a mayo packet in half with a tiny hole in it and put it under the nub on a toilet seat with the hole pointed to the back their leg.......
Works every time.
Works every time.
On doors with those lever type of door handles.... We would take a giant goober of vaseline, and put about a half inch thick layer on the back side of the handle, then close someone's office door while they were out. First person to open the door gets handful of vaseline, only they aren't quite sure what the hell that handful of nasty stuff is for a while. It takes quite a while to wash that much vaseline off your hand....
We had a great boss that would prank everyone and encouraged it. Nothing harmful as we were in a Top 50 company HQ.
One Friday, the cleaning lady was cleaning the bathrooms, so we lifted a few urinal mints from her cart and taped them in various areas in his office. We made 1 very easy to find. The others would be very hard to get too.
Monday morning comes around and as soon as you got of the elevator, you smelled it 50 yards away. He had already found it and was laughing and saying that was a good one!.... In the afternoon, he was looking everywhere and found another... then another... then another.
Good Times.... and not too many Vice-Presidents in the Corporate World are like that now. Our team rocked.
One Friday, the cleaning lady was cleaning the bathrooms, so we lifted a few urinal mints from her cart and taped them in various areas in his office. We made 1 very easy to find. The others would be very hard to get too.
Monday morning comes around and as soon as you got of the elevator, you smelled it 50 yards away. He had already found it and was laughing and saying that was a good one!.... In the afternoon, he was looking everywhere and found another... then another... then another.
Good Times.... and not too many Vice-Presidents in the Corporate World are like that now. Our team rocked.
Goddamn, we were some mischievous pricks back in the past and I miss those days.
Caller ID fucked up the "Telephone Hours" we used to pull and a lot of the pranks we pulled in years gone by would probably land you in jail now but were just fun back then.
From my post above, Old Bill would just scream like a mashed cat, cuss and piss and moan and use the most vile curses you have ever heard. You could hear him all over the block.
Bill was about 50 years old at the time and able bodied and able to work if he chose to do so but would NOT take any job offered to him unless his welfare had run out, then he would work, and there were many times where someone needed some help and would offer a job up to him for Cash. NO GO
He instead chose to sit on his nuts and collect welfare and check coin slots and if he found 30 cents it was up to the beer joint for a draw.
Back then everybody that was able to work had a job of some sort and being on welfare had a stigma to it and you didn't want that.
Don't feel sorry for Bill, he made his own way and lots of jobs were offered to him. One of the laziest wastes of air I have known but now there are others, by the droves, that I know of now. No PRIDE, just gimme. FUKM
Caller ID fucked up the "Telephone Hours" we used to pull and a lot of the pranks we pulled in years gone by would probably land you in jail now but were just fun back then.
From my post above, Old Bill would just scream like a mashed cat, cuss and piss and moan and use the most vile curses you have ever heard. You could hear him all over the block.
Bill was about 50 years old at the time and able bodied and able to work if he chose to do so but would NOT take any job offered to him unless his welfare had run out, then he would work, and there were many times where someone needed some help and would offer a job up to him for Cash. NO GO
He instead chose to sit on his nuts and collect welfare and check coin slots and if he found 30 cents it was up to the beer joint for a draw.
Back then everybody that was able to work had a job of some sort and being on welfare had a stigma to it and you didn't want that.
Don't feel sorry for Bill, he made his own way and lots of jobs were offered to him. One of the laziest wastes of air I have known but now there are others, by the droves, that I know of now. No PRIDE, just gimme. FUKM
Last edited:
I took a nerf gun, an arduino, a homeade h-bridge, a high-torque motor, some steel wire, an IR motion detector, some scrap wood to bolt things to, a 9v battery, and an amazon packaging box, assembled in such a way that the box looks like a normal shipping box and set it up above the coffee pot.
Whenever someone would walk up to get coffee, they'd get a nerf dart in the face.
One time my co-workers (including my boss) thought, after a night of 'clubbing' that it'd be a good idea to call me at 3AM on Father's day drunk as fuck. I was so pissed that I got up, wrote a script to generate calls to all of them from random numbers every couple of minutes. I ran the script, turned off my phone, and went back to sleep. It was ~15 hours later that I checked to see if they were pissed yet.
They were.
Whenever someone would walk up to get coffee, they'd get a nerf dart in the face.
One time my co-workers (including my boss) thought, after a night of 'clubbing' that it'd be a good idea to call me at 3AM on Father's day drunk as fuck. I was so pissed that I got up, wrote a script to generate calls to all of them from random numbers every couple of minutes. I ran the script, turned off my phone, and went back to sleep. It was ~15 hours later that I checked to see if they were pissed yet.
They were.
I had a run of being able to call in to the local radio contest line and win at will. It was enough that other guys in our shop would write their info down. I'd call in and win and give the radio station my coworkers info. One guy was an EXTRRME homophobe. I did the entire call in a gay voice. They played it on the air. The guy was listening to see if he "won" and was making comments like listen to the f*g. What a queer ect. His chin hit the floor when he heard his name.
I helped a friend move and hid packets of sweet n low all over the house. It took over a year to find them all.
Tape an air horn to the base of an office chair (or behind a door do the knob activates it) put it do when they sit down it'll go off.
I helped a friend move and hid packets of sweet n low all over the house. It took over a year to find them all.
Tape an air horn to the base of an office chair (or behind a door do the knob activates it) put it do when they sit down it'll go off.
Gunpowder in a bag under a heavy doormat connected to the doorbell... The flash and boom doesn't hurt 'em but sure as hell surprises the piss out of 'em! You could hurt someone this way if you aren't very careful. Better to half ass this one than err on the side of more.
Spray pepper spray and let it evaporate; you're left with a sticky translucent goo. Smear this on the nose bridge of a pair of sunglasses or glasses, some on the ear tab --basically anywhere the glasses stay in contact with skin. Works best on warm days, once they start sweating they'll feel it. Works great for the young, aspiring thief you may have in your home, it's how I devised this one.
Spraying pepper spray in window fans. Friend's neighbor was partying and had several of his friends over. We emptied a can in the fan one night, first there was a cough, then a few more, then someone's eye's were starting to tear and burn, then about that time they ALL felt it and WTF'd it right out of the house, pronto! Was so funny we were rolling in the grass laughing. They thought it was funny too once it wore off, but couldn't do shit about it until it did anyway!
Got this guy to go hook up the phone lines on an alarm install. One of the other techs thought it'd be fun to fuck with the new guy, so he pulled out a cell phone and repeatedly called that number while he was trying. That's a good 42v DC jolt each time it rings, sometimes more. He got pissed, came to me telling me to tell the owner to please answer it and tell the fucker to stop calling for five minutes! After another 10 shocks, we filled him in. He was pissed.
Dropping an arty or grenade sim in porta potties is great one, but you can get in serious shit for doing it. The target will NOT be happy, ears ringing, covered in shit and blue water, left with pants down on ground in a pile of blue poo with the bottom blown out of the porta shitter.
Too many to count in the army. Somebody was always fucking with somebody in the barracks. Always. A favorite was tying a yellow jacket to the PL's phone in the office and hiding the yellow jacket under some papers. He'd move the papers or grab the phone and the yellow jacket would fly circles because of the thread. Funniest was when the phone rang and he had to answer it and had that damn yellow jacket flying overhead and everyone looking at him. He was pissed, but nobody ratted anybody out.
Spray pepper spray and let it evaporate; you're left with a sticky translucent goo. Smear this on the nose bridge of a pair of sunglasses or glasses, some on the ear tab --basically anywhere the glasses stay in contact with skin. Works best on warm days, once they start sweating they'll feel it. Works great for the young, aspiring thief you may have in your home, it's how I devised this one.
Spraying pepper spray in window fans. Friend's neighbor was partying and had several of his friends over. We emptied a can in the fan one night, first there was a cough, then a few more, then someone's eye's were starting to tear and burn, then about that time they ALL felt it and WTF'd it right out of the house, pronto! Was so funny we were rolling in the grass laughing. They thought it was funny too once it wore off, but couldn't do shit about it until it did anyway!
Got this guy to go hook up the phone lines on an alarm install. One of the other techs thought it'd be fun to fuck with the new guy, so he pulled out a cell phone and repeatedly called that number while he was trying. That's a good 42v DC jolt each time it rings, sometimes more. He got pissed, came to me telling me to tell the owner to please answer it and tell the fucker to stop calling for five minutes! After another 10 shocks, we filled him in. He was pissed.
Dropping an arty or grenade sim in porta potties is great one, but you can get in serious shit for doing it. The target will NOT be happy, ears ringing, covered in shit and blue water, left with pants down on ground in a pile of blue poo with the bottom blown out of the porta shitter.
Too many to count in the army. Somebody was always fucking with somebody in the barracks. Always. A favorite was tying a yellow jacket to the PL's phone in the office and hiding the yellow jacket under some papers. He'd move the papers or grab the phone and the yellow jacket would fly circles because of the thread. Funniest was when the phone rang and he had to answer it and had that damn yellow jacket flying overhead and everyone looking at him. He was pissed, but nobody ratted anybody out.
[QUOTE/]=If I had known about them, those Sugar-Free gummy bears seem to have quite an explosive effect on people..[/QUOTE]
Dude, no fucking SHIT! We went to Yakima to train one time and my (now ex) wife brought me a bag of sugar free Jelly Belly jelly beans, I guess it was all they had? Wasn't a big bag. I ate 'em all one evening. HOLY SHIT! I spent the whole night with my guts expanded four times the size and was blowing fart and juice out all damn night, guts rumbling and in a LOT of pain. Didn't help the porta shitter was a good 400-500m from where we were at! Amazing I didn't blow shit down my pants. It was some high velocity stuff.[/QUOTE]
Dude, no fucking SHIT! We went to Yakima to train one time and my (now ex) wife brought me a bag of sugar free Jelly Belly jelly beans, I guess it was all they had? Wasn't a big bag. I ate 'em all one evening. HOLY SHIT! I spent the whole night with my guts expanded four times the size and was blowing fart and juice out all damn night, guts rumbling and in a LOT of pain. Didn't help the porta shitter was a good 400-500m from where we were at! Amazing I didn't blow shit down my pants. It was some high velocity stuff.[/QUOTE]
My high school chemistry teacher; "Where the hell did all of my iodine crystal go?"
For the next two weeks whenever students walked down a certain hallway, there would be random snap, crackle and pops.....despite the janitors going over and over it with brooms. Priceless.
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I drove trucks OTR. One particular evening I was heading E through Effingham, IL. Effingham has (or had?) six truckstops in a four mile stretch where Interstates 57 & 70 run together.
So, I’m hammer down eastbound right, & I asked via CB radio if there was any “commercial” working (ie lizards, whores, etc). I knew there would absolutely be lizards working there. Some random driver pipes up & says “Hand, there’s always working girls here.” I asked “Any of them girls got festering sores around their mouths?” The same driver asks “Ahhh, what do you want w/ a woman like that?” My response was “I don’t want to feel bad when I leave.”
The radio went silent for about the next two minutes. That’s a fucking feat w/ that many truckstops in that short a distance.
So, I’m hammer down eastbound right, & I asked via CB radio if there was any “commercial” working (ie lizards, whores, etc). I knew there would absolutely be lizards working there. Some random driver pipes up & says “Hand, there’s always working girls here.” I asked “Any of them girls got festering sores around their mouths?” The same driver asks “Ahhh, what do you want w/ a woman like that?” My response was “I don’t want to feel bad when I leave.”
The radio went silent for about the next two minutes. That’s a fucking feat w/ that many truckstops in that short a distance.
Last edited:
Dude, no fucking SHIT! We went to Yakima to train one time and my (now ex) wife brought me a bag of sugar free Jelly Belly jelly beans, I guess it was all they had? Wasn't a big bag. I ate 'em all one evening. HOLY SHIT! I spent the whole night with my guts expanded four times the size and was blowing fart and juice out all damn night, guts rumbling and in a LOT of pain. Didn't help the porta shitter was a good 400-500m from where we were at! Amazing I didn't blow shit down my pants. It was some high velocity stuff.[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]
I hope there was revenge enacted on that one. I wouldn’t be mad. Just plotting my sweet revenge lol
Did you ever get that looked at by a Doc?
