Maggie’s I need a BIG reloading press...

I think you'll have a very expensive can crusher. You just don't need the leverage and the strength that a press has in order to crush a aluminum can.
 
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You should find yourself an old Hollywood press. They were made by a gun shop in Burbank starting in the late 40’s or early 50’s.

They’re not super cheap but I bet you could find a shagged one for a reasonable cost. Quite a few variations of them too.


I have one of these but it belonged to my great uncle and is not for sale.
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Here's a pneumatic crusher I made a few years ago just for fun.
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The short Hollywood is too short for a 12oz can. The taller single stage will but don't permanently modify and destroy value. Think I've still got a RCBS Big Max that might work but again they're generally pricey unless you stumble across a good deal.
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Ya'll are thinking 'lightweight' style, (though I do like the punch-press suggested above) methinks this guy is looking for something along the line of an automated log-splitter style. But I suggest something along the lines of a 350 gpm pump, just to keep things interesting with the added 'cool factor' of "now you see it,,, now you don't".
 
I like the log splitter idea. You have to get one with a really fast cycle time to keep up with his rate of piss water consumption. If he is in an isolated area, mount a seat on it. Drink crush piss. You won't have to move. Might need a full size refrigerator next to it. Party on dude!
 
At Scott Base (near McMurdo Station) in Antarctica, they had a manuel can crusher as all rubbish had to be compacted before being taken off the ice.

There used to be races to see who could crush 10, 20 or whatever number the fastest.

If your opponent was going too fast, you could always drop a steel apple juice can into their stack of aluminum ones to slow them down a bit.
 
Ya'll are thinking 'lightweight' style, (though I do like the punch-press suggested above) methinks this guy is looking for something along the line of an automated log-splitter style. But I suggest something along the lines of a 350 gpm pump, just to keep things interesting with the added 'cool factor' of "now you see it,,, now you don't".
350gpm at what fuck8n pressure ? Whatdaya tryin to crush space and time ? 😄
 
I crushed some beer cans with my dad way back in the day with the log splitter. Kinda like watching that henchmen get run over by the steamroller in Austin Powers. Almost just gave up and walked away it took so long. Why not just make a pneumatic cannon and launch them into a brick wall.