Maggie’s  Man Rules

mrlhunt

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Feb 1, 2006
147
0
61
North, Tx
THE MAN RULES: At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.), We always hear " the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side,,,These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!,,,1. Men are NOT mind readers,,, 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down,,, 1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be,,, 1. Crying is blackmail,,,1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!!! Strong hints do not work!!! Obvious hints do not work!!! Just say it,,,1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question,,,1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for,,,1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days,,,1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us,,, 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one,,,1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself,,, 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials,,,1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we,,,1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is,,,1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that,,,1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle,,,1.. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear,,, 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really,,,1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hunting or Fishing,,,1. You have enough clothes,,,1. You have too many shoes,,, 1. I am in shape. RoundIS a shape!,,,1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.,,,Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh,,,
 

Teggy1

Private
Full Member
Minuteman
Dec 7, 2008
0
0
40
Forest City, Iowa
Re: Man Rules

A little easier to read format

THE MAN RULES: At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.), We always hear " the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side,,,These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!!! Strong hints do not work!!! Obvious hints do not work!!! Just say it.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hunting or Fishing.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. RoundIS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh,,
 

MarkinAZ

Private
Full Member
Minuteman
Feb 16, 2010
82
11
70
Phoenix, AZ
Re: Man Rules

I would love to POST this at work, but the women would just get pissed....again, and I would get in trouble....again.

I hate this double standard shit!
 

DirtyDave

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Jul 8, 2011
836
3
Texas
Re: Man Rules

I have never been booted to the couch. When my wife is pissed at me, SHE goes and sleeps on the couch like it is going to bother me. Just more room for me and the dog hahaha
 

GreyShirts

Private
Full Member
Minuteman
Dec 29, 2011
39
0
Oklahoma
Re: Man Rules

That is perfect. I have said almost all of the those things to my wife, ON DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. Never all at once, that would be bad. We are both cops, trust me it would end in gunfire. I would be bleeding out on the floor, because unfortunately my wife is a better shot with a pistol.

When she gets mad, she sleeps on the couch also...like I'm gonna feel bad about her discomfort. Then it makes her mad because I go straight to sleep, having sweet dreams. I think she does it because she locked me out of the room one night not long after we got married and I went and crashed on the couch having sweet dreams. Yep she got MAD. Your right sleeping on the couch is like camping, a little uncomfortable, but somehow just right.
 

bdw0469

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Jun 3, 2011
117
0
35
NY
Re: Man Rules

Only missing one thing..... 1. make me a sandwich
 

jeepguy242

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Minuteman
Jan 31, 2011
138
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49
Winston Salem NC
Re: Man Rules

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: bdw0469</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Only missing one thing..... 1. make me a sandwich </div></div>

not to be a grammer nazi here, but the propper spelling on that is


SAMMICH... LOL
 

Garvey

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
May 1, 2010
1,437
2,694
Melissa, Texas
Re: Man Rules

My wife and I get along very well 90% of the time, but I know all of that is true...I think I've said and/ or explained all of those things to her at one point or another.

I should print it out and put it on the fridge as well, good idea!
 

rpk762

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Feb 17, 2011
885
1
45
Little town now east of Bismarck
Re: Man Rules

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Jeepguy242</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: bdw0469</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Only missing one thing..... 1. make me a sandwich </div></div>

not to be a grammer nazi here, but the propper spelling on that is


SAMMICH... LOL</div></div>

I thought it was a turkey pot pie.
 

RemingtonSPS

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Nov 1, 2008
988
4
39
Tri-Cities, WA
Re: Man Rules

"Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

"You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."


WORD! Don't ask if you don't want help or if you think you got it figured out already. Sheesh i hate that.