Moms now vs back then

#51
My gosh..... 🥺 Some of these testimony's about my brothers abuse is really hard to read. My heart hurt reading it. 10-15 lashings with a belt? 3, maybe 4, is all it *should* take, and not much more. Add another 10+ on top? That's just blatant child abuse, in my world. Particularly with the buckle. I'm very sorry that ever happened to any of you.
 
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#52
ColinW said:
My gosh..... 🥺 Some of these testimony's about my brothers abuse is really hard to read. My heart hurt reading it. 10-15 lashings with a belt? 3, maybe 4, is all it *should* take, and not much more. Add another 10+ on top? That's just blatant child abuse, in my world. Particularly with the buckle. I'm very sorry that ever happened to any of you.
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Belt...

That's nothing compared to what some diseased megalomaniac used to beat me with

Try a big huge wooden paddle about the size of an oar.
 
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#53
How about grandmas?

One time, when I was 13, my mother and us two sons were so poor that we lived in government subsidized apartments in Lewisville. My brother and I were attending a mormon church (our grandparents got us into it. Later, I was ordained as an aaronic priest.)

We were visiting our grandmother and step-grandfather. Turns out that weekend was his birthday.

We did not get anything for his birthday. He worked the B shift and would get off work around midnight or so. From 6 pm until 12 midnight, my grandmother proceeded to describe to me the endless sacrifices he makes and how hard he works and what worthless piece of shit I was for not getting him a birthday present. I was not a worm, I was the dirt beneath the worm. I was the shit below the shit below the shit that was one day hoping to be shit.

For 6 hours. At the age of 13 with no job, no money. We did chores at their house because we were told to, not for money.
 
#54
Holliday said:
Abuse and discipline are not the same. My fellow boomers need to get this through their thick skulls.]
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^^^^THIS

Corporal punishment should be a last resort and used sparingly so it doesn't lose its effectiveness. By the time my kids (5 of them) reached the first grade, there was no need to hit them anymore. Just give them the look and they stop.

Corporal punishment is necessary. Children need to understand respect and the penalty of being disrespectful to their family.

Abuse is generally a consequence of your hatred of yourself and your life, and the frustration of not being able to get out of it.
 
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#59
This video was a few years back and actually was featured on “America’ Funniest Videos”. The kid is my step-Grandson and the woman is my Daughter.

When I saw it the first time I busted a gut. But I could not help but juxtapose it with what happened with similar incidents when I was a kid. I was struck by my daughter’s strong voice of control yet focus on the safety of the kids. And of course the boy’s facial expression is priceless.

In my childhood there would have been no laughs afterwards. This would have gotten me a class 5 beating. My facial expression would have been one of utter terror.

Boys will be boys…..

 
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#60
In elementary school around '57 the school disciplinarian was the girls cropped haired, total dyke (though we didn't know crap about this kind of stuff) who just loved paddling the little boys (vicious fuck that she was).

Used a paddle that had a resemblance to a Cricket bat....with holes in it just increase the bruising.

Same school...3rd grade....poor Harry was so HAADD he couldn't sit still or keep his mouth shut....teacher stuffed his mouth with kleenex and taped it shut.

I think that today both would be grounds for suits and possible charges of child abuse.....and I think that's good.

And yeah, my dad's belt came off far more often than I would wish.
 
#63
ZiaHunter said:
Growing up going to Catholic schools most of us young boys took a licking from some nun or brother only to get it again once we got home. Father's favorite was a Sam Brown belt and my Mother's a wooden spoon. To be honest most of the time I deserved it for doing the stupid shit adolescent boys do.
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That is the truth - once I got spanked by the nun for misbehaving in class. Went home and told my mom - who told my dad when he got home. Got spanked again ( with his Marine Corps dress belt ) for embarrassing the family's good name. The following day I told the nun that since she spanked me the day before, my parents had spanked me again when I got home. The nun then spanked me AGAIN for going home and telling my parents that she had spanked me the day prior.
Learned to just keep my mouth shut after that. :cry:
 
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#64
We teach children, especially young men, violence is how you solve problems, then wonder why they get older they choose violence to solve problems…..

The stats on predators/criminals and past childhood abuse is sobering on this point. I have often said that if women (the main abusers of children) would stop introducing men to violence, perhaps when they get older, they wouldn’t be violent towards women.

The same with making kids, especially boys, to sit for hours on end in school then wondering why they grow up, to sit for hours on end…..Insanity.

If you want good kids, to turn into good adults, spend time with them, teach them warriorship. Enroll them in marshal arts, take them climbing or surfing. Teach them the American Marshal art of shooting or bow hunting. Teach them how to fix things.

I am not saying you can’t spank your kid. But it should NEVER be done in anger and certainly never in rage. Losing control and perpetuating violence on your child while you are out of control simply teaches your child that that’s how you deal with your problems.

Teach your kids to “work the problem” and “embrace the suck”. When you discipline your child (and you certainly should), this is your moment to shine, to set the example. Your creativity, commitment and maturity will make a lasting positive impression.

I watch this kid’s videos alot. He is earnest, smart and hard-working. I don’t think he turned out this way because somebody beat him.

 
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#65
Holliday said:
We teach children, especially young men, violence is how you solve problems, then wonder why they get older they choose violence to solve problems…..

The stats on predators/criminals and past childhood abuse is sobering on this point. I have often said that if women (the main abusers of children) would stop introducing men to violence, perhaps when they get older, they wouldn’t be violent towards women.

The same with making kids, especially boys, to sit for hours on end in school then wondering why they grow up, to sit for hours on end…..Insanity.

If you want good kids, to turn into good adults, spend time with them, teach them warriorship. Enroll them in marshal arts, take them climbing or surfing. Teach them the American Marshal art of shooting or bow hunting. Teach them how to fix things.

I am not saying you can’t spank your kid. But it should NEVER be done in anger and certainly never in rage. Losing control and perpetuating violence on your child while you are out of control simply teaches your child that that’s how you deal with your problems.

Teach your kids to “work the problem” and “embrace the suck”. When you discipline your child (and you certainly should), this is your moment to shine, to set the example. Your creativity, commitment and maturity will make a lasting positive impression.

I watch this kid’s videos alot. He is earnest, smart and hard-working. I don’t think he turned out this way because somebody beat him.

Click to expand...

Haha! Hairlip kid knows more than half the bear pit combined!

Yeah. Discipline the kids for the appropriate things, and for stupid kid stuff just make it a teaching moment. Remember to laugh at the funny stuff.
Do it all in love and remember we were all dumb kids at one point. Some of us still are!

Oh, and I was given an antique lawn tractor as a kid, it had an old kohler engine, I got it to run, it had this mysterious to me hydrostatic drive. That was my atv for a while.

Also got a free 5hp outboard motor. Was told I could have it if I could get it to run. Whatever that meant. Got it running in no time, but I didn’t have a boat. So my lil bro and I built a boat out of plywood and 2x4s, all recycled. It was a single seater, actually the bottom was the seat, and was a boatload of fun in the local ponds. We sank it so many times. Just make sure you killed the motor before it sank, pull it out and it would fire right back up. Haha! Good memories!

I’ll save my cable car story for another day. I’m feeling long winded here…
😆
 
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#66
My mom would always say, "Boys, when dad gets home you better hide!" My twin and I would run to Grandma's house! Then my dad would show up and when the pointed 👉 came out! You better be prepared, that finger was like a blunt force object striking you in the chest! It hurt.
 
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#68
818.jpg
 
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#69
We called it the “rule of five.” If the nun spanked you, the mother superior would spank you, the Padre would get his licks in, they’d call mom who would spank you for embarrassing the family and dad would top it off because mom was angry and blaming him for why were bad kids.

I had a German Grandma and a Scottish Grandma. The German would ladle a teaspoon of hot sauce on your tongue for saying bad words, and the Scottish would cut a sliver of lye soap and make you dissolve it in your tongue.

My wife, who isn’t Catholic, often says, “you adore those nuns and it sounds like all they did was beat your ass.”

And teach me about consequences to my actions.

I sent my kids to a Catholic school but pulled them out because there were no nuns. It was like going to a trade school with no tools. They weren’t gonna learn nuthin of value.
 
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#70
Holliday said:
We teach children, especially young men, violence is how you solve problems,
Click to expand...


Wrong.

We teach them that (appropriate levels of) violence is what they get if they are the problem.

Not time outs. Not a stern talking to.

Immediate and definite correction in a fashion that teaches consequences.

When done right it’s an act of love. Plenty of examples of abusive parents in this thread.
 
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#73
I grew up in a boomer Leave it to Beaver family, except June liked beer. I'm quite familiar with the taste of soap, and distinctly remember the threats of "I'll beat you to a fair-thee-well", whatever that means. She would chase us down and administer spankings, but there was no physical damage. Dad was a vet of the WW2 southern Pacific fighting and had a cooler head but would administer measured justice when needed (more like Andy Griffith). All of this was done with bare hands on clothed skin.

By the time I was maybe 10 or 11, I knew right from wrong by Mom's and Dad's standards. I still occasionally fucked up and had to endure Dad's logical lectures and other punishments (like being grounded), but there was no more corporal punishment.

I guess I was lucky, as I knew other neighborhood kids who sometimes had bruises and such that would trigger charges in today's world. Some kids got beat up worse as teenagers. The counter-intuitive thing is that all of the kids I stayed in touch with turned out OK, and the worst of them straightened out and became successful in the trades. We came of age in the era of the draft, and the military helped a few, but 2 didn't come home alive. The people of my era carry some baggage.
 
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#74
Pharmseller said:
Wrong.

We teach them that (appropriate levels of) violence is what they get if they are the problem.

Not time outs. Not a stern talking to.

Immediate and definite correction in a fashion that teaches consequences.

When done right it’s an act of love. Plenty of examples of abusive parents in this thread.
Click to expand...
That is why I referenced Ed Kemper in an earlier post. His dad was gone and his mom was abusive and domineering. His killing ended when he killed, mutilated and then molested his mom’s corpse. Had he had a strong father he most likely wouldn’t have become a serial killer.
 
#76
david walter said:
We called it the “rule of five.” If the nun spanked you, the mother superior would spank you, the Padre would get his licks in, they’d call mom who would spank you for embarrassing the family and dad would top it off because mom was angry and blaming him for why were bad kids.

I had a German Grandma and a Scottish Grandma. The German Wood ladle a teaspoon of hot sauce on your tongue for saying bad words, and the Scottish would cut a sliver of lye soap and make you dissolve it in your tongue.

My wife, who isn’t Catholic, often says, “you adore those nuns and it sounds like all they did was beat your ass.”

And teach me about consequences to my actions.

I sent my kids to a Catholic school but pulled them out because there were no nuns. It was like going to a trade school with no tools. They weren’t gonna learn nuthin of value.
Click to expand...
Remember when we got to kneel on uncooked rice?!

Ahhh memories.
 
#81
Holliday said:
My Mom was a raging abusive tyrant. More than once my Dad, a WWII vet stepped in to stop her. He created rules like “no hitting in the head”. She broke those rules when he was not around. I watched her dislocate my brother’s jaw once with a pitcher she threw at him across the room…. As a young child when my Mom would fly into a rage I would hide under the dining room table. When I got older I would not cry as she lashed me with a leather belt. On more than one occasion my father came in to her lashing me with then intent on making me cry and yelled “ what the hell are you doing”??

My Dad never ever hit us kids. After the War he was a drill sergeant.
When Dad spoke no one questioned. His authority came from respect.

By contrast I never hit my daughter. She knew punishment and I was creative. She learned what the corner looked like and saw it when needed. As a single father I was most often accused of being too strict (by women of course) my daughter turned out to be the most beautiful, wonderful, respectful person I know. She has been a natural and gifted mother, and now cares for other special needs kids that she brings into her home. She is the example of a great mom and her kids, my grandkids, are proofing in the pudding.

Abuse and discipline are not the same. My fellow boomers need to get this through their thick skulls.

I sent the below video to my brother with no comment. He sent a one word reply……… “Memories”

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In my world punishment is what happens when you lack the discipline to do the correct thing
 
#86
Mine wasn’t so bad, but she was working all the time, so while my father was still alive, he kind a raised me.

However, school was a different matter. Ms. Kirste….“Sick huh? Let me check for a beating heart. Yep, it’s still beating, get on that Bus!” Or “no its not, let me punch you a couple times in the chest and that should do it, now GET ON THAT BUS, Death is no excuse!”

Fooled her one time. So ill, I actually vomitted on the den rug. I was running a stiff fever and could keep nothing down, so, the school would not let me in so she had to let me stay home (alone :) ). Must admit, I was a pretty sick kid, she felt so bad, she purchased a sailing book for me to read when she was on her way home. :).
 
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#90
Pharmseller said:
I think the point is, if your parents are fucked up, their assessment of “correct” is probably gonna be fucked up, too.
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Them as well as those appointed by the state, at all levels. I know some kids whose paths were changed by cops who died via their own hands at a early age, Then again I know kids who were pushed onto the right path via LE. Yes there is a diff between LE & a sack dragging, POS, respect my authority, cop.
 
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#91
Pharmseller said:
I think the point is, if your parents are fucked up, their assessment of “correct” is probably gonna be fucked up, too.
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There’s a lot of truth in what you said. I’ve worked with parents who were rearing their children just like they were raised. When problems with their abilities to raise children were brought into question the response was typically, “I’m raising my kids just like I was raised and I turned out alright.” Problem is, they were not ‘alright’ and had significant personal issues.

Simply said, those people had no conception of the right way, the wrong way or for that matter any-way. They muddled along, too often leaving themselves totally sogged with alcohol or drugs, barely living day by day and too often the young people were doing their best to raise themselves.

That’s where a GOOD teacher can really come into play. But let us not get into the downfall of American education brought forward (?) by the far seeking wisdom (?)of the Federal Department of Education

In many of our rural schools we tried our best.
 
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#93
Moe Ron said:
When I was a wee lad my mom told me I needed to go out in the backyard and pick up my toys. What I was going to say was “I don’t have to cause I already did”

All I got out of my mouth was “I don’t have to”. In a split second she was on me whoopin my ass.😂
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You had that gal popped off of safe with a hair trigger, lol.
 
#95
Dead Eye Dick said:
There’s a lot of truth in what you said. I’ve worked with parents who were rearing their children just like they were raised. When problems with their abilities to raise children were brought into question the response was typically, “I’m raising my kids just like I was raised and I turned out alright.” Problem is, they were not ‘alright’ and had significant personal issues.

Simply said, those people had no conception of the right way, the wrong way or for that matter any-way. They muddled along, too often leaving themselves totally sogged with alcohol or drugs, barely living day by day and too often the young people were doing their best to raise themselves.

That’s where a GOOD teacher can really come into play. But let us not get into the downfall of American education brought forward (?) by the far seeking wisdom (?)of the Federal Department of Education

In many of our rural schools we tried our best.
Click to expand...


My dad was a better father than his dad because my dad had the awareness to learn how to be better.

I’m a better father than my dad because I had the awareness to learn how to be better.

It’s not easy but it’s doable.
 
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