I was sitting here thinking, This technique could be used on those terds that are telling war stories that you just know never spent a moment in the military, let alone in combat.
Ask that Special SEALcondopara Force guy whether he ever learned the Ranger method of opening Velcro so you can't hear it (the dreaded "Tactical Opening").
Then show him. "You gotta hold your ear right next to the velcro, I don't want you to miss it if you can hear anything at all..."
When they piss themselves, you can just smile.