Party poopers in here.
To hell with it. I gotta pretty good one..
In my younger days, I was somewhat of a outlaw and a tard all rolled into one. Thankfully Ive since dropped the outlaw part, but still havent figured out how to get rid of the downsies.
Anyway..
15 years old. Me and my best buddy Grant went to this absolutely massive keg party at a mansion in Perry one night with our girlfriends. Totally ridiculous, all 5 kegs were empty before midnight. I downed a bottle of jaeger by myself and was near blackout. So now its nearing 12 and all the booze is gone. Who gets voluntold to go on the beer run? The young errand boys of the wrestling team with fake ID's: Grant, your's truly, our g/f's, and their friend Megan. Nearest store is like 20min away minimum. Megan, our driver, is doing 80+ down this 2-lane road(in a car she stole from her mom that night). Thats a female driver for ya..
So as we're flying down this road, everyone cutting up laughing, kissing, etc.. I'm the only one in the car who notices a patrol car pass us in the oncoming lane. My heart sank instantly. I stared at him as he passed and very shortly after, cut the lights and hit a skidding u-turn. I immediately freak the hell out and start screaming to stop the fckn car and let me & Grant out(we had already been around the block by this point and a foot chase was nothing new for us). So she pulls over, all the girls are crying. Before the car even stops, I open the door and Grant literally pushes me onto my feet, "FC, GO!!!" We sprint across the corn field and then bed down at the tree line to survey the scene unfolding. Cop car after cop car starts pulling up. The girls had gotten out and just laid down in the ditch like that was gonna help LOL, of course they were busted immediately. Didnt know it at the time, but the party got busted after we left, and of course we got ratted on as providing the alcohol.
So after watching the scene unfold for a bit, a cop pulls out a megaphone "FC! Grant B*****! We know who you are! We know where you live! Boy If you dont come out right now we're gone sic the dogs on you and let em violate your ass in front of your girlfriends!!" Yea, of course the chicks instantly gave the cops all our info. We didnt blame em, they were good preppy-country girls with no outlaw mentality unlike us.
Of course we did the smart thing. And immediately started sprinting deeper into the woods through the thickest possible brush to try and make it a bitch to be followed. We were both varsity wrestlers in the midst of the season, so quite confident we could outrun damn near anyone in a foot chase.
We ran and ran. Literally for hours on end. Grant eventually got the bright idea to split up. Our phones were dead at this point, its a pitch black cloudy night. No sense of direction in super heavy thick briar-filled woods. I thought it was a tard idea to split up but even at 15, Grant was 5'11" 250 lb solid fckn muscle, so split up we would. Later I found out after we split up, Grant somehow got saved by the rescue squad! My brother set out on a relentless mission to save us as soon as I called him to let him know the pile of shit we were in. Damn it why'd we split up!!!
Anyway, I keep just walking in the same direction. Eventually I come out on the other side of the woods. I immediately come upon a road(with no signs, no intersection, no nothing in sight except for a water tower in the distance). I walk toward the water tower. When I get to the water tower, I see a neighborhood in the distance. I walk to the neighborhood. Its like 4:30am or something at this point.
I walk around the neighborhood until I find a house with the lights on. I rang the doorbell. A very nice old black grandma answers the door.. "Im so extremely sorry to bother you at this hour ma'am, but my phone is dead and I could desperately use your help to call my brother for a ride home!"
"Sure thing honey, come on in.. have a seat on the couch I'll go grab the phone."
Oh my god am I really about to be saved???
About the 10th time that night that I had prayed to God and promised to change my ways if he'd just save me just this once. No atheist in a foxhole I can promise you. Everybody starts praying.. Years later, after making that promise several more times, and sometimes it actually working and actually being saved, I started taking my promises to God more seriously.
She brought the phone to me like 3 minutes later. I immediately called my bro. "Dude please come get me!"
Soon as I hang up, not 30 seconds later.. theres a knock on the door. My still semi-drunk mind is thinking "OMG Im getting saved! Thank you God I'll never let you down again!"
I open the door and instantly get slammed on the concrete porch by 2 cops. Nearly broke my jaw hitting the deck face first.. knocked some teeth loose.
The lady called the cops on me! I unfortunately hadn't taken into account that I looked like I literally just committed 3 homicides with my bare hands. Was bleeding head to toe, clothes half ripped off, etc from sprinting full speed through giant thorn bushes to be difficult to follow.
Obstruction of an officer
Fleeing/eluding
Resisting arrest
Drinking under age
Providing alcohol to a minor
And some other dumb shit
And thats how I was introduced to the juvenile justice system and did my first little stretch in Crisp County YDC.
I don't recommend it..