Story of a Challenged Senior
At a certain age, everyone will understand this poor guy...
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with some employees, all
without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and
communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,
their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate
with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as
simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other
program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of
everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.
I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage
in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get
lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I
keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red]
phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was
standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in
the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing
aid out to use it and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady
inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long
time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,"Re-calc-ul-ating"
You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely
tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to
make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn
instead, it was not good. When I get really lost now, I call my wife
and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to
develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I
still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and
have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms
and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up
every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle
on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time
I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth
reusable bags to avoid looking confused but I never remember to take
them in with me. Now I toss it back to them.
When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to
me. I am bi-sacksual.." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a
blank look.
At a certain age, everyone will understand this poor guy...
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with some employees, all
without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and
communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,
their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate
with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as
simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other
program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of
everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.
I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage
in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get
lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I
keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red]
phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was
standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in
the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing
aid out to use it and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady
inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long
time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,"Re-calc-ul-ating"
You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely
tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to
make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn
instead, it was not good. When I get really lost now, I call my wife
and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to
develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I
still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and
have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms
and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up
every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle
on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time
I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth
reusable bags to avoid looking confused but I never remember to take
them in with me. Now I toss it back to them.
When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to
me. I am bi-sacksual.." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a
blank look.
