Maggie’s Things you can say to your dog, but not to your wife.

[Mike Casselton]

Any one of these would get us in the dog house.
What can you say to the dog, but not your woman?

Jesus, you're getting big.

You sure have big feet.

Hurry up and just take a shit.

 

[Threadcutter308]

"You've been in there for over an hour, pinch it off and give someone else a chance !".......(I know, the dog would just look at you funny.....). The other ? Stinkeye time!

 

[Spblademaker]

“Stop trying to hump the cat!”

Pretty much anything I say to the dog, I can’t say to the wife. Regardless of how asinine.

 

[j-huskey]

C'mere bitch....

 

[XLR308]

" Damn Your Breath " you been eating cat shit ?

Wheres your shock collar at ?

You had better behave or your wearing the shock collar.

Stop sniffing my friends asses you nasty toad.

 

[j-huskey]

As a puppy, dog was a butterball, bigger than all litter mates, and even the litter that followed, and dog maintained major round status thereafter, appropriately named "fatass"...

"Get over here fatass"
"Get your fatass in the truck fatass"
"You have got to be the most useless fatass in the world"
"Quit licking your sister fatass"
"Dont try f'g your daddy fatass"

And such.
Woman put on a few pounds last 6 months. Made the mistake of asking the dog, "why are you looking bigger fatass"
and woman THOUGHT I was talking to her... whooooooo !!!!!
Me and fatass were in the doghouse awhile over that one. Dog was like, "wtf did I do?"

Maybe I shouldn't have named the dog fatass....
After two years of being called fatass, dog wont answer to name woman gave it....

Then I said, "come here you fat fucking dog", and the woman, "what did you just say?"

 

[Maser]

"Stop chasing our neighbor's pussy!"

 

[Spblademaker]

"Stop chasing our neighbor's pussy!"

How’s that a bad thing?

 

[winniedonkey]

Damn, you got a funny looking dick....

Taking you to the doctor to get you balls cut off....sorry.

"Getting dog all washed and clean"...let's go to the beach and pick up skanky bitches.

Why do you walk in a circle taking a shit?

 

[oneshot86]

As a puppy, dog was a butterball, bigger than all litter mates, and even the litter that followed, and dog maintained major round status thereafter, appropriately named "fatass"...

"Get over here fatass"
"Get your fatass in the truck fatass"
"You have got to be the most useless fatass in the world"
"Quit licking your sister fatass"
"Dont try f'g your daddy fatass"

And such.
Woman put on a few pounds last 6 months. Made the mistake of asking the dog, "why are you looking bigger fatass"
and woman THOUGHT I was talking to her... whooooooo !!!!!
Me and fatass were in the doghouse awhile over that one. Dog was like, "wtf did I do?"

Maybe I shouldn't have named the dog fatass....
After two years of being called fatass, dog wont answer to name woman gave it....

Then I said, "come here you fat fucking dog", and the woman, "what did you just say?"

lol, get your fatass in the truck fatass, yep, not workin w the wives

 

[Farmer 50 cal]

Stop licking yourself.

I knew I should have picked your brother.

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[tnichols]

As a kid growing up, we hired out to bale hay and shell corn. Guy south of us we did some work for had a dog named “Damnit”. Come here Damnit... Use your imagination. It was funny.

 

[Geno C.]

When it's jump day,

Bitches in the truck!
In the house bitches!

 

[Sieg]

You horny sumbitch settle down.

…...can't say it cuz it's not an issue

 

[J McGriddle]

"I already fed you, quit begging."

 

[supercorndogs]

Quit trying to lick my balls.

 

[XLR308]

My wife gives me crap because because I can't take a shower or even a shit without both dogs laying in the bathroom floor waiting on me to be done, I've been gone working a new job for the last six months and haven't been home much now they do it with her.
If she tries to shut the door they scratch at it until let in. ?

 

[XLR308]

Quit trying to lick my balls.

Touche , I would never say that to the wife EVER

 

[PPB]

sic em

You smell like skunk

 

[Billdoe708]

Your sister and your mother are a couple of bitches.

 

[powdahound76]

^^^^^^ I said just that to my now ex-wife.
She was well on the way to that title and I was done holding anything back when her family showed up and were total bitches to me in my own house.
All 3 of them are actually.........

 

[HitEmHard]

That's enough! Go lay down

How about a nice bone??

Come!

Did you remember anything I taught you?

 

[uffduh]

Get in your cage bitch

 

[Decoy]

You been rolling in shit again?

Oh boy that's hot, would you do her? (driving through town)

Holy shit, what the fuck did you eat?

 

[tnichols]

Go lay by your dish.

 

[mtwarych]

"No no no stupid, you sleep at the foot of the bed!"

 

[animaldoc]

Stop dragging your ass on the carpet.

Take your worm medicine.

 

[hankpac]

I was laughing about these, and my wife read a few over my shoulder. I asked her "What could you say to your dog,that you wouldn't say to your husband?" She looked at me with THAT look, and said, "Who's a good boy?"

 

[Mike Casselton]

Stop chewing on the carpet!!

God, your breath stinks. Have you been licking your ass again?

Okay, now roll over. Sit up and beg.

You need a bath.

What fucking dead animal did you roll in this time?

Get down! You're not allowed up here with your toys.

 

[spartan67]

" do you want a bone?" " come here!"

 

[Threadcutter308]

I was laughing about these, and my wife read a few over my shoulder. I asked her "What could you say to your dog,that you wouldn't say to your husband?" She looked at me with THAT look, and said, "Who's a good boy?"

So......You "married up", did you ?........ ???