I dont give a damn about your mind I want to ejaculate in your vagina.
Maggot out
Maggot out
You're best opening line.
- Thread starter Maggot
- Start date
Is your dick bigger than mine?
There was a wino bum sitting in a doorway. Across the street, he saw another guy in a doorway, dressed well and clean. Every so often, a pretty girl would walk by and they would exchange words. Sometimes, she continued walking. Other times, they would disappear behind the door. Later, they would emerge, straightening clothes and combing hair and she would leave.
The bum figured out the guy was having a lot of fun with these ladies. So, he walked across the street to ask the guy how he did it.
The guy said, "It is simple. When a lady walks by, you say "tickle your ass with a feather?" If she reacts shocked and says "Excuse me!", you reply, "my, look at the nasty weather." If she is not offended, then you can sweet talk her into a fun time. But go do that in your own door. This space is mine."
So, the bum went back across the street. Soon enough, a pretty lady walked by.
He piped up, "Stick a feather in your ass?"
She replied "What did you say?!"
He replied, "Man, look at the fucking rain."
The bum figured out the guy was having a lot of fun with these ladies. So, he walked across the street to ask the guy how he did it.
The guy said, "It is simple. When a lady walks by, you say "tickle your ass with a feather?" If she reacts shocked and says "Excuse me!", you reply, "my, look at the nasty weather." If she is not offended, then you can sweet talk her into a fun time. But go do that in your own door. This space is mine."
So, the bum went back across the street. Soon enough, a pretty lady walked by.
He piped up, "Stick a feather in your ass?"
She replied "What did you say?!"
He replied, "Man, look at the fucking rain."
You remind me of my little pinky toe because it’s only a matter of time before I bang you on a table
"Is there a mirror in you pocket cuz' I can see myself in your pants!"
Girl, what your front name is?
"You wanna play the harmonica while I masturbate while standing on one leg? Just don't do anything wierd."
Is everyone else going to ignore the wrong "your" in the title? You're better than that, Maggot.
Last one I used I ended up married.
"So, you're single now then?"
Wife found out her boyfriend had another girlfriend when he showed up to the party with one on his arm, the other was already there. I was just watching the drama and being a smart ass. Cost me my freedom, my damn mouth.
Last one I used I ended up married.
"So, you're single now then?"
Wife found out her boyfriend had another girlfriend when he showed up to the party with one on his arm, the other was already there. I was just watching the drama and being a smart ass. Cost me my freedom, my damn mouth.
Roommate in college used to walk up to women and say “So you want it, or what?”
Nine out of ten times he got slapped (or some variation). He always ended up getting laid.
He had nerve… and no scruples.
Sirhr
Nine out of ten times he got slapped (or some variation). He always ended up getting laid.
He had nerve… and no scruples.
Sirhr
"Ni zhidao wo, Hong Tai, shi Shanghai lai dao Qingfuzheng de. Wo de jia, wo de taitai, wo de nuer, dou bei riben ren sa le. Ni zhidao riben ren yao ba ni de quangqu zhai zhuo hen duo de junhu qu da bie ge henduo difang... Ni yaobuyao wei ni de mingzhu, wei ni de guojia zuo yi dian haoshi ba? Ruguo ni gaosu wo zhege quang sa shi mai gei sheme ren, wo yiding baozheng gei ni de qiang, ni de ma, dou huanggei nimen..."
("You know that I, Hong Tai, have come all the way here to Qingfuzheng from Shanghai. My entire family, my wife, and my daughter, have been killed by the Japanese. Do you know that the Japanese intend to take the ore from your mine and use it to produce even more military goods and attack other places? Do you or do you not want to do one good deed for your country? If you just tell me who are those people who have been coming to purchase those loads of ore from you, I promise I will give you your guns and horses back..."
Just a line from the TV series "Damocanglang" (Wolf Of The High Desert), Chinese western action epic.
As I begin easing my bar stool away from Maggot, the woman looks over at me with an expression of shock and indignation on her face. My line:
"I don't know this guy. Never seen him before in my life."
"I don't know this guy. Never seen him before in my life."
Want to come back to my place? I want to see if you fuck as good as my sister.
To preface, my lineage is german, english, irish, and scottish.
One day, while driving somewhere, my wife was looking at a catalog from Cash's of Ireland. Jewelry, etcetera.
She is of german descent on both sides dating back the immigration of two big families in the 1850s. Anyway, she says, "I sure wish I had some irish in me."
In my best irish accent, I said, "Ay, Lassie, do want some, then?"
She gave me a punch on the arm and I knew my work was done.
One day, while driving somewhere, my wife was looking at a catalog from Cash's of Ireland. Jewelry, etcetera.
She is of german descent on both sides dating back the immigration of two big families in the 1850s. Anyway, she says, "I sure wish I had some irish in me."
In my best irish accent, I said, "Ay, Lassie, do want some, then?"
She gave me a punch on the arm and I knew my work was done.
There's got to be some flimsy excuse, let me work on it.
All kidding aside. My wife was originally one of my horse training clients. I had it BAD for her. One day I said "You know if you were married to me this would be free". It just so happened she had literally (the day before) ended her relationship with another guy. We were married a month later, so far its been an incredible 10 years 
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