Maggie’s Funny & awesome pics, vids and memes thread (work safe, no nudity)

#83,701
1716338736412.png
 
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#83,715
Ichi said:
Click to expand...

Thanks for posting…good video despite the annoying AI text to speech dialogue. “C one hundred and forty one S” vs C-141 (my main aircraft btw),etc. LoL

I loved flying the tweet, and would have enjoyed a chance to fly one with twice the thrust… A10 is the closest comparison for ease of control; completely different beast though!
 
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#83,731
sirhrmechanic said:
View attachment 8422950

Saw him live in 1989 in Raleigh, NC. Freaking hilarious... one of the best stand-up shows I ever saw. Died for 2 hours straight...

The Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


And fuck yes, I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize!

Sirhr
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best ever.. all the lines and MORE in this HBO Special
 
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#83,739
Devildog said:
View attachment 8423697
Click to expand...

Once at a restaurant several years ago a young guy was stuck in a parking lot because his car wouldn't start.

I asked if it was a standard, he said yes and then it took me several minutes to explain in detail why he didn't have to wait for a tow truck because we could push start it.

I enlisted some help, we pushed it across the parking lot 3 times with no luck.

Apparently I didn't take enough minutes to explain it because he finally asked if he should turn the key. I should have dedicated at least 30 seconds to the key part instead of just mentioning it at the beginning. Millennials.
 
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#83,740
doubloon said:
Once at a restaurant several years ago a young guy was stuck in a parking lot because his car wouldn't start.

I asked if it was a standard, he said yes and then it took me several minutes to explain in detail why he didn't have to wait for a tow truck because we could push start it.

I enlisted some help, we pushed it across the parking lot 3 times with no luck.

Apparently I didn't take enough minutes to explain it because he finally asked if he should turn the key. I should have dedicated at least 30 seconds to the key part instead of just mentioning it at the beginning. Millennials.
Click to expand...

My driver didn't retain the part where I told them to put it in 3rd gear. It was in "no" gear.

Keith
 
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