So the oldest daughter and neighbor were looking at the moon and a planet... I heard” is that Mars ? ... No Jupiter....” so I chime in with ... at least we can’t see Uranus ... and I heard crickets
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Maggie’s Bad Dad Jokes
- Thread starter J.J.chago
- Start date
Is buttcheeks one word or should I spread them?
kids actually laughed at that one.
kids actually laughed at that one.
My grandpa is 85 and doesn't need glasses. He still drinks straight out of the bottle.
Studies show that 9 out of 10 men suffer from diarrhea at some time in their life. Why are 1 in 10 enjoying it?
Studies show that 9 out of 10 men suffer from diarrhea at some time in their life. Why are 1 in 10 enjoying it?
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
A Brazillion!
Why shouldn't you scream into a colander?
You'll strain your voice!
A Brazillion!
Why shouldn't you scream into a colander?
You'll strain your voice!
That’s a good question. I also heard that diarrhea is hereditary…. It runs in your jeans.
This channel has some really good ones. Her husband TRID (the real Indian dad) does some amazing ones.
A kid gose up to his dad and says "dad, I'm freezing"
Dad says "go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees"
Dad says "go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees"
What's the difference between a truckload of golf balls, and a truckload of babies?
You can't upload golf balls with a pitchfork.
You can't upload golf balls with a pitchfork.
What did the police do when the truckload of hair pieces overturned?
They combed the area.
What do you call a cow that can't have a calf? (bull is wrong)
De-calf-inated...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying in a hole in the road?
Phil...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a lake?
Bob...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying in front of a door?
Mat...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Rustle...
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef...
Where do you look for a dog with no legs?
Exactly where you left him.
They combed the area.
What do you call a cow that can't have a calf? (bull is wrong)
De-calf-inated...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying in a hole in the road?
Phil...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a lake?
Bob...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying in front of a door?
Mat...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Rustle...
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef...
Where do you look for a dog with no legs?
Exactly where you left him.
From my 11 yo:
How do cows keep up to date?
They read the moos paper.
What's the loudest sport?
Racket ball.
How do cows keep up to date?
They read the moos paper.
What's the loudest sport?
Racket ball.
- Nov 3, 2010
- 9,402
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Why are citizens in Athens not morning people?
because Dawn is tough on grease.
because Dawn is tough on grease.
What's the difference between a bowling ball and Marjorie Taylor Greene?
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
A nice gesture in church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Just read in the local paper that the thief who's been stealing tee shirts in order of size is still at large.
One that will pass by many, if not most:
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
To da dump, to da dump, to da dump dump dump!
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
To da dump, to da dump, to da dump dump dump!
A Polar Bear cub walks up to his dad and asks, " am I really a Polar Bear?"
His dad growls and says "Son, I'm a Polar Bear, your mum's a Polar Bear, we are from a long line of Polar Bears..... why?"
The cub shivers and says "Because I'm fucken freezing!"
His dad growls and says "Son, I'm a Polar Bear, your mum's a Polar Bear, we are from a long line of Polar Bears..... why?"
The cub shivers and says "Because I'm fucken freezing!"
Larry King asks Norm Macdonald, "You said in your memoir that your dad told great jokes ... you have a favorite quick joke of your dad's?"
What's black and white and red all over?
Sunburn zebra/news paper/police car
What's green and red and goes 100mph?
Frog in a blender.
Sunburn zebra/news paper/police car
What's green and red and goes 100mph?
Frog in a blender.
What's the hardest thing about cooking vegetables?
Getting the wheelchair into the microwave
Getting the wheelchair into the microwave
Daddy tomato, momma tomato and Jr tomato are walking down the street when Jr tomato starts to fall behind.
Frustrated, daddy tomato walks over to Jr tomato, smacks him up side the head and says "ketchup "
Frustrated, daddy tomato walks over to Jr tomato, smacks him up side the head and says "ketchup "
When you say poop, your mouth makes the same shape as your butthole while it poops.
I don't like people who take drugs...
For example airport security.
If I had $1,000,000 Id donate a quarter of it to charity.
Then I'd have $999,999.75.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."
So, I bought her nothing.
I just found out I was dating a communist.
I should have noticed the red flags earlier.
For example airport security.
If I had $1,000,000 Id donate a quarter of it to charity.
Then I'd have $999,999.75.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."
So, I bought her nothing.
I just found out I was dating a communist.
I should have noticed the red flags earlier.
