Maggie’s Electric Fence....

Sendero_Man

OMWP... the way I roll
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Minuteman
  • Mar 29, 2007
    4,343
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    Buffalo, Wyoming
    montanagunslings.com
    This was sent by a retired dentist.

    We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I
    heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make
    sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single
    wire along the top of the fence.

    Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26
    miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet
    into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the
    ground, the better the fence works.

    One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

    It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

    Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

    Time stood still.

    The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of
    my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

    It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

    Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to
    differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3
    different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel
    movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

    At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

    This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

    'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

    Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping
    run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die ..... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

    So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in
    my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own
    stupidity had created.

    I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire....

    I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

    There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the
    resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

    Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

    1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.

    2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt
    cheek (not the left, just the right).

    3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as
    bad as you might think.

    4 - My left eye will not open.

    5 - My right eye will not close.

    6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our
    little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

    7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a
    foot long.

    8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking
    of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

    That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I
    appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make
    sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

    The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can
    clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
     
    Re: Electric Fence....

    I got zapped two days ago by a fence I was trying to move so we could get the truck to a hunting spot. Didn't hurt but didn't feel good either. Kinda weird, it took it a while to zap me. I was holding the wire for a good 10 seconds before it actually zapped. What's up with that?
     
    Re: Electric Fence....

    Thats one funny story right there and reminds me of when I was about 7 Y.O. and tangled for the first and last time with an electric fence.

    In the 10 acre cow pasture of my little friends parents place with some other kids and had to pee. Was at fence and whipped my little pecker out and started to pee on fence post. As I was peeing I was chasing a bug up the post with the piss stream.
    That is until I got to the lower hot wire across the post on the fence. Pretty much instantly stopped peeing and farted as I lurched foreward into the post touching the top hot wire and got it again across my neck. Wasn't quite right for the rest of the day and have never forgotten that experience. Never again accidently tangled with an electric fence either.
     
    Re: Electric Fence....

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: High Binder</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I got zapped two days ago by a fence I was trying to move so we could get the truck to a hunting spot. Didn't hurt but didn't feel good either. Kinda weird, it took it a while to zap me. I was holding the wire for a good 10 seconds before it actually zapped. What's up with that? </div></div>

    You must have not been grounded. When it finally zapped you must have touched something to ground yourself, because it sounds like the electricity found a path to the ground. In the Ops case he was holding the lawnmower which grounded him, and that big ground rod also helped lol.

     
    Re: Electric Fence....

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: angsniper</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The fence around our pasture is on a pulse. Every 5 seconds or so it sends out a pulse that will damn sure get your attention. </div></div>

    Oh that's what got me. Everything was fine just standing there holding a wire and all of a sudden I got nailed. I would have rather it been 'on' so as to not lull me into a false sense of security with that pulse. LOL
     
    Re: Electric Fence....

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Sendero_man</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

    Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to
    differ. </div></div>

    This guy apparently has never been to Subic Bay, PI. Throw in a splitting headache, too.