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Maggie’s Funny & awesome pics, vids and memes thread (work safe, no nudity)

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Mules and donkeys. They’ll sneak up behind you to take a hunk out of your flesh.
Shetland Ponies when you're leading them will too. They are smart, mean little shits.

More than once I felt the reins go slack as a little kid leading my pony Sammy only to turn around and see yellow teeth coming at me.
 
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I have always wondered. I have seen it happened before at a friend's ranch. A male horse bit his lower palm giving him a small wound. have heard of a few incidents too.
I've been bit, most horse people have. It's a hard pinch that hurts and may leave a mark for a couple days but thats about it.

I remember I was petting and having a BS session with my horse while I wearing an expensive, new western shirt. I put a handfull of Johnson grass in my front pocket and was going to let him pull it out, which he did, but with one downward nod of his head he took the whole pocket and a big swath of shirt with it.
 
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Worked on horse farm in highschool. Had 1 that like to bite. Bit me good 1 day, so bit back on its nose as hard as could. Look on horse was priceless. That 1 never bit me again.
 
I've been bit, most horse people have. It's a hard pinch that hurts and may leave a mark for a couple days but thats about it.

I remember I was petting and having a BS session with my horse while I wearing an expensive, new western shirt. I put a handfull of Johnson grass in my front pocket and was going to let him pull it out, which he did, but with one downward nod of his head he took the whole pocket and a big swath of shirt with it.
First time I got bit, it was 58 stiches, in the face.
 
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I have heard of some nasty bites where the bruise lasted weeks. Horses, like people, can be buttholes.
 
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Ever wonder why sow grizzlies with cubs hangout so close to roads in Yellowstone? Male grizzlies have been known raise hell with cubs that are not their offspring. Didn't take long for the sows to figure out the safest place for their cubs is as close to civilization as they can get.
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399 looks like when we were out there in June. IF it is the same picture my wife and I were shown it was taken on the 10th. She had killed a calf elk on the 9th right near where this was taken. We tried to get pictures of her but always seemed to be a few minutes late or couldn't get out of the car to move to the spot to her and her cubs. 24 year old sow right there
 
A friend was carrying an armful of hay into the stall for her horse. The horse went for the hay and accidentally chomped down on her boob. She was rather large uptop and she ended up in the hospital for several days. Horse bites can be painfull.
 
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My grandfathers were both farmers. I remember when we would visit, my dad would hitch up the mules and take me and my brother for a ride in the drag. My dad wasn't a big guy, but he had these hands that could catch Nolan Ryan fast balls. They were rough enough to take paint off a car hood. I remember one Sunday my dad was hitching up and one of the mules bit him on the arm. My dad hit him right behind the jaw. I thought the mule was going to drop in his tracks. The entire time we rode he was looking over his shoulder at my dad.
 
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My grandfathers were both farmers. I remember when we would visit, my dad would hitch up the mules and take me and my brother for a ride in the drag. My dad wasn't a big guy, but he had these hands that could catch Nolan Ryan fast balls. They were rough enough to take paint off a car hood. I remember one Sunday my dad was hitching up and one of the mules bit him on the arm. My dad hit him right behind the jaw. I thought the mule was going to drop in his tracks. The entire time we rode he was looking over his shoulder at my dad.

Let me guess. After that, I bet you never gave your dad any back-talk.
 
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My grandfathers were both farmers. I remember when we would visit, my dad would hitch up the mules and take me and my brother for a ride in the drag. My dad wasn't a big guy, but he had these hands that could catch Nolan Ryan fast balls. They were rough enough to take paint off a car hood. I remember one Sunday my dad was hitching up and one of the mules bit him on the arm. My dad hit him right behind the jaw. I thought the mule was going to drop in his tracks. The entire time we rode he was looking over his shoulder at my dad.
My Grandad was a dairy farmer and my uncle worked with him. My uncle was hooking up the milk machine to an ornery cow and she kicked him hard in the shin. He was a big man, about 6'4" and a solid 250. He walked around in front of the cow and gave her a hammer blow with his fist right between the eyes, and I'm pretty sure I saw her knees buckle a bit. He then twisted her ear and gave her another thump. Everything went smoothly after that, but he did ice his hand down later.
 
My Grandad was a dairy farmer and my uncle worked with him. My uncle was hooking up the milk machine to an ornery cow and she kicked him hard in the shin. He was a big man, about 6'4" and a solid 250. He walked around in front of the cow and gave her a hammer blow with his fist right between the eyes, and I'm pretty sure I saw her knees buckle a bit. He then twisted her ear and gave her another thump. Everything went smoothly after that, but he did ice his hand down later.

BTDT. We had a nurse cow that would do me that way. One day she cow kicked me three times in a row. Fourth attempt was met with a 2x4 to the hock of the offending back leg. This went on for about five more kicks until she had had enough. That bitch connected with me on every kick because my board was too short and left me in the strike zone. When we parted ways we were both limping for days but I rarely had trouble after that.

A cow can kick sideways, extremely fast and hard. Hence the term getting “cow kicked”.
 
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A horse bite is nearly as bad as a kick!

Years ago my wife wanted to ride the mules to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. They put us on two mules that got along together and the young guide (out of work Texas Cowboy) asked if I'd been around livestock and told me to keep an eye on my wife's mule. I grew up on a farm with horses/goats/cows so I was familiar with them.

Well, apparently my wife's mule was basically jealous of anyone who rode on my mule - and bit me or tried to bite me any time she could, haha. The guide about pissed his pants laughing when we were stopped to rest the mules once and she came at me and I punched her in the side of neck. Then I grabbed the reigns and and spoke really softly to her and she was my best friend after that.

The guide asked what I said really softly to the mule. I told her that I wanted to be friends but if only one of us could make it out of the canyon alive she should know that I kill animals for sport then eat their meat. She didn't bite me any more - but I had a perfect tooth-marked bruise on my thigh from the worst one when I wasn't ready for it, hahaha.
 
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My grandfathers were both farmers. I remember when we would visit, my dad would hitch up the mules and take me and my brother for a ride in the drag. My dad wasn't a big guy, but he had these hands that could catch Nolan Ryan fast balls. They were rough enough to take paint off a car hood. I remember one Sunday my dad was hitching up and one of the mules bit him on the arm. My dad hit him right behind the jaw. I thought the mule was going to drop in his tracks. The entire time we rode he was looking over his shoulder at my dad.
My great grandfather, Josh Flowers, was a big man. My daddy told me his hands looked like they were twice the size of most men. He was well over 6’ and built like farmers had to be.

He hit a mule so hard once, it was told to me, that the mule’s front legs did buckle and it straightened up from then forward.



As a JRT owner for 14 years, I can say that they are the most fun, loyal and devoted dogs I have ever lived with. When Jack passes, it will leave a huge hole in me.
 
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When I had 2 discs in my neck rupture, I had to have 3 vertebrae fused and while I was recovering my uncle Gary (who owned a campground in Morehead NC) called and asked me to come down and camp out on his boat at Cape Lookout.

We had a large time, he had a 35’ boat and we ate and drank and laughed....just a large time. The next day he wanted to dive on some little wreck close by (he is a certified rescue diver) and we motored over while he was getting his gear on.

The week before he had had a small surgery on his chest and when he was putting on his gear he pulled off the bandage and it was bleeding a bit. He jumps off the swim platform and proceeds to swim just under the water around to the anchor line and I notice a 6’ shark swimming slowly behind him!

I start yelling but he can’t hear me.

He made it back, same shark in tow. He had been gone a half hour and I was nervous the whole time.

He told me as we were talking about it that the shark followed him around everywhere at the wreck LOL. It stayed near the swim platform until the boat engine started.


This is from that trip. He is still a very cool dude.


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My ex wife was giving me an earful one night when I was feeding our horses. Cirrus grabbed her by the pony tail and was pulling her into his stall when I turned around. That was the last time she ever went into the barn. Thankfully he let her go when I yelled at him. IDK what would have happened if I didn't stop him. She was about 105# and her feet were 3' off the ground in a blink of an eye.
 
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When I had 2 discs in my neck rupture, I had to have 3 vertebrae fused and while I was recovering my uncle Gary (who owned a campground in Morehead NC) called and asked me to come down and camp out on his boat at Cape Lookout.

We had a large time, he had a 35’ boat and we ate and drank and laughed....just a large time. The next day he wanted to dive on some little wreck close by (he is a certified rescue diver) and we motored over while he was getting his gear on.

The week before he had had a small surgery on his chest and when he was putting on his gear he pulled off the bandage and it was bleeding a bit. He jumps off the swim platform and proceeds to swim just under the water around to the anchor line and I notice a 6’ shark swimming slowly behind him!

I start yelling but he can’t hear me.

He made it back, same shark in tow. He had been gone a half hour and I was nervous the whole time.

He told me as we were talking about it that the shark followed him around everywhere at the wreck LOL. It stayed near the swim platform until the boat engine started.


This is from that trip. He is still a very cool dude.


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Nope just no, if I get bitten by a shark that sucker has climbed up on the beach. There would have been a hell of a mess to clean up also.
 
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BTDT. We had a nurse cow that would do me that way. One day she cow kicked me three times in a row. Fourth attempt was met with a 2x4 to the hock of the offending back leg. This went on for about five more kicks until she had had enough. That bitch connected with me on every kick because my board was too short and left me in the strike zone. When we parted ways we were both limping for days but I rarely had trouble after that.

A cow can kick sideways, extremely fast and hard. Hence the term getting “cow kicked”.
Neighbor had a couple of big Red Brangus bulls he kept up next to his house along with a little donkey. When I'd drive past I'd see that little donkey messing with those bulls. One day he had one's ear locked in his teeth like he was afraid to let go and the bull was just standing there. We pulled over watching this and I wanted to get a pic of that little donkey holding onto the ear of a 1ton bull.

The donkey finally released his grip and that bull slung his head in a big circle and kicked sideways. That little donkey was smart enough to move out of range because if it had connected...

Some of those big bulls are extremely agile and athletic. I've seen a one ton bull saunter up to a 4' barbwire fence, measure it with his nose, and then go over it like a deer.
 
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So I'm new here & this is a strange question, but... Anybody around here know anything about horse bites...?
Apparently it needs its own thread.

I grew up on a horse ranch, but only ever ran into on that would bite.
 

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Apparently someone forgot the cone when my coworker was cutting a tree out of the road a few weeks ago. Guy drove right through it, luckily just clipped my buddy. Broke his left knee also!
The dumbfuck driver will claim it was an accident, which I'm sure it was, but that would make some victim mad enough to pull his CH and present the driver with the Darwin Award.

That driver shouldn't be allowed to operate a shopping cart much less a motor vehicle. No excuse for that shit.
 
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