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Maggie’s Little Johnny strikes again

Big Bo

Big Bo

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Jun 7, 2005
863
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Cal West
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN!!





























The teacher asked the class to use the word ‘fascinate' in a sentence.











Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'











The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.












Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'








Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.








She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.


























Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'






The teacher sat down and cried.
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

One Tuesday, the teacher tells the class "whoever gets the answer to this next question can go home early, and has tomorrow off of school." She asks the class, "who invented the telephone?" Little Suzie is the first to raise her hand, and answers Alexander Graham Bell, and the teacher tells her go home.

The next day, she does the same thing, asks the class, "who invented the cotton gin?" Little Timmy is the first hand up, and answers "Eli Whitney" so he is sent home.

Little Johnny is pissed now and comes up with a plan to get off Friday. He goes home, takes a couple basketballs and spray paints them. Thursday, right as the teacher is about to ask her question, he takes the basketballs and rolls them down the aisle. The teacher, mad as hell, asks "who's the comedian with the big black balls?" Little Johnny jumps up, and says "Bill Cosby, see you on Monday teach."
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

Little Johnny is the smartest kid I can think of for sure. Gotta love him
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

Sitting in religion class one day, the teacher asks, "what do you kids think the most holy part of the body is?" All the hand go up, and little Amanda is called on. She answers, the hands, because you put your hand together like this when you pray. "Ok, good answer, anybody else?" About half the hand go up, and the teacher calls on little Elliot, who answers, "the knees, cause you get down and kneel when you pray." Another great answer replies the teacher, anyone else? This time, only one hand is raised, little Johnnie. Now, the teacher does NOT want to call on Johnnie, everytime he talks in class he says something horrably racist or dirty. "Aaaaanyone else?"........So she decides fuck it, bring n the nasty calls and letters from the parents. "Yes Johnnie, what do you think?" And he says, "the feet." "Feet?" "Yeah, feet, the other day I was walking past my mom's room, she had her feet it the air, her boyfriend was on his knees praying with his face between her legs, and she started screaming "OH MY GOD!!!! I'M COMING!!!!!!!"
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off:

"I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's
civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher?

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the Democrats' approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother...

'I don't need to,' the boy replied.

'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'

'That's at our house.' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!'
 
Re: Little Johnny strikes again

I laughed so hard, I had tears !!!! Little Johnny's toothbrush joke killed me !! LOL
 
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