Maggie’s Montana & California

[D_TROS]

California:


The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature
trail.

A coyote jumps out &attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the
Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie
"Bambi" &then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only
doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote
&bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating
it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog &
bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital &spends $3,500 getting checked
for diseases from the coyote &on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish &Game
conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of
dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a
"coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better
treat rabies &how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the
world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the
attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire &train a new agent with
additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation &files a $5 million suit
against the State.


Montana:

The Governor of Montana is jogging with his dog along a nature
trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued S&W 380 Bodygard pistol &
keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .380 hollow point
cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke & Montana is not.

 

[Kevlars]

Re: Montana & California

LOL

 

[EventHorizon]

Re: Montana & California

This is grossly inaccurate.

You totally forgot the following:

1. The coyote was found to be an illegal resident of the State of California and was immediately granted welfare, paid-for access to high school and higher education and was granted state funded access to animal psychiatry to deal with the trauma of being hungry in the first place.

2. The family of that coyote was granted state funded housing and access to health care, again State funded.

3. It dawned on the Governor that none of the State's legislature was written in any language the illegally resident coyote could read and so without further ado all State literature had to be translated into coyotian. Of course, a whole new branch of academics and an army of linguistics (formerly employed as baristas in Starbucks) had to develop the language of coyotian in the first place.

4. The State approached Hollywood with the idea of making and paying for a movie about the life and trials of the coyote. The coyote would be played by Jimmy Smits, bringing dignity and sex appeal to the role. Barbara Streisand would play the role of the coyote's turds.

5. Upon hearing of all this Al Sharpton protested that the coyote was keeping the black man down.

Total cost: $475,000,132.87

 

[Maggot]

Re: Montana & California

Barbara Streisand would play the role of the coyote's turds.


Ouch!

 

[EventHorizon]

Re: Montana & California

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Goldie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Barbara Streisand would play the role of the coyote's turds. Ouch! </div></div>

She was hesitant as she didn't want to be typecast but the strong social message of the film persuaded her to do it...

 

[D_TROS]

Re: Montana & California

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EventHorizon</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><span style="font-weight: bold">This is grossly inaccurate.</span>
You totally forgot the following:

1. The coyote was found to be an illegal resident of the State of California and was immediately granted welfare, paid-for access to high school and higher education and was granted state funded access to animal psychiatry to deal with the trauma of being hungry in the first place.

2. The family of that coyote was granted state funded housing and access to health care, again State funded.

3. It dawned on the Governor that none of the State's legislature was written in any language the illegally resident coyote could read and so without further ado all State literature had to be translated into coyotian. Of course, a whole new branch of academics and an army of linguistics (formerly employed as baristas in Starbucks) had to develop the language of coyotian in the first place.

4. The State approached Hollywood with the idea of making and paying for a movie about the life and trials of the coyote. The coyote would be played by Jimmy Smits, bringing dignity and sex appeal to the role. Barbara Streisand would play the role of the coyote's turds.

5. Upon hearing of all this Al Sharpton protested that the coyote was keeping the black man down.

Total cost: $475,000,132.87 </div></div>


hahaha looks like you know the dealings of cali all to well!!

And I duly apologize for the inaccuracies, as CO is not quite to the level of govt' involvement as CA....but we trying awful hard...

 

[zink14]

Re: Montana & California

huh... that really happened here in texas; Rick Perry was in fact jogging on a jogging trail in Austin; coyote attacked his dog, he shot the coyote and his quote to the press "the coyote is mulch"

Perry has his CHL, and carries and he owns several suppressors

I know montana is a great place....but make your own damn stories....don't steel ours! LOL
Perry shoots Coyote http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/27/rick-perry-shoots-and-kil_n_554397.html

 

[Maggot]

Re: Montana & California

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: zink14</div><div class="ubbcode-body">huh... that really happened here in texas; Rick Perry was in fact jogging on a jogging trail in Austin; coyote attacked his dog, he shot the coyote and his quote to the press "the coyote is mulch"

Perry has his CHL, and carries and he owns several suppressors

I know montana is a great place....but make your own damn stories....don't steal ours! LOL
Perry shoots Coyote http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/27/rick-perry-shoots-and-kil_n_554397.html
</div></div>

Unfortunately, thats about all the Rickster has ever done thats worth speaking of....especially for the Govener of a great place like Texas. Better stop before it gets poLitical.....No Lowlight dont hit me wth that ban hammer again...PLEASE!!

 

[aaronraby1]

Re: Montana & California

hahahah!!

 

[good old lee]

Re: Montana & California

That was funny as hell!