Maggie’s Motivational Pic Thread v2.0 - - New Rules - See Post #1
- Thread starter Snake-Eyes
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- motivational pictures
trippin' balls
Anyone who has ever seen a tracked vehicle (dozer in my case) part a 5/8 wire rope will tell you that you need to be well clear of a tow line unless you want to be killed or seriously injured.
Joan Rivers on various subjects:
Elizabeth Taylor was a classic Joan Rivers target — as was the topic of overweight celebrities in general — but Rivers didn't save all her jabs for the late Oscar winner or the plus-sized famous types among us. Everyone from the president of the United States and the British royal family to Oprah Winfrey (to her face!) and North West inspired Rivers's no-holds-barred one-liners, though Rivers may have saved her harshest quips for a subject closer to home: herself.
Read on for some of her (greatest?) hits, including the one celebrity insult that she dropped from her act when the targeted celeb's daughter wrote her a letter.
On Kim Kardashian's infant daughter, North West:
Rivers told an audience at the Saban Theatre in Beverly Hills this past January, "That baby is ugly … I've never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing."
[Photos: More TV Stars We've Lost This Year]
On Gwyneth Paltrow being named the world's most beautiful woman by People magazine:
"Look at Gwyneth Paltrow being named the most beautiful this year. She got Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder to vote."
On Heidi Klum's 2013 Oscars dress:
"The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens."
On Mel Gibson:
"As a Jew, I don't want to see Mel Gibson at a party. I don't want to run into him in the kitchen, because there's an oven in it, and I'm afraid of what he might do."
On the late Whitney Houston:
"I hate Houston. It's crawling with bugs… Oh, wait, that's Whitney Houston; I'm sorry, my bad. (Can I just mention that Whitney looked fabulous at the Grammys? She was in mahogany from head to toe.)" — From Rivers's book "I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me"
On Chelsea Handler and ex-boyfriend and former E! executive Ted Harbert:
"No. 1, the girl made it on her back f---ing the president, we all know that, of the network. No. 2, she's fine, she's ordinary. She's not a genius. She's an ordinary girl that was f---ing somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she's doing OK. Whatever she is, she's a drunk. I don't wish her good luck, I don't wish her bad luck. I don't think she's particularly funny."
On Tommy Lee Jones as a red carpet interviewee:
"He makes Hitler look warm and funny."
On Jennifer Lawrence tripping when she walked onstage to accept her Oscar in 2013:
"It just dawned on me why Jennifer Lawrence fell on her way up to the stage to get her Oscar. She tripped over her own arrogance."
On Angelina Jolie's high-cut, leg-baring gown at the 2012 Oscars:
"Everyone took her to task with that photograph with the leg out, but to me it looked as if she had a terrible yeast infection and she was trying to air it out."
On Rihanna:
"Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfrey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap her."
On Willie Nelson (a joke that, Rivers recently told Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live!, was one of the rare ones she dropped from her act because Nelson's daughter wrote her a letter telling her that the bit had caused her to be teased at school):
"He wears a Roach Motel around his neck."
On Adele:
"Congratulations to Adele on the birth of her 68-pound, 8-ounces bouncing baby boy."
On Lindsay Lohan's many court appearances:
"Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn't mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor."
On Elizabeth Taylor (a favorite Rivers target for years):
"Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.... Elizabeth Taylor's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on her aspirins.... Her favorite food is seconds.... Mosquitoes see Elizabeth Taylor and scream, 'Buffet!'.... Elizabeth Taylor pierced her ears and gravy ran out.... Elizabeth Taylor is wearing Orson Welles designer jeans.... She's so fat, she's my two best friends."
On Kate Winslet:
"If Kate Winslet had dropped a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk."
On Camilla Parker Bowles (who, along with her husband, Prince Charles, became a close friend of Rivers's):
"Camilla Parker Bowles is so ugly that at airports they make her frisk herself."
On Katie Holmes's acting skills in The Kennedys miniseries:
"Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy's wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it."
On first lady Michelle Obama (after calling President Obama gay):
"You know Michelle is a tranny."
On Kristen Stewart's relationship with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders (which, Rivers told TMZ, prompted Stewart to threaten to sue her):
"Many stars only do one thing well. Of course, the best one-trick-pony is Kristen Stewart, who got a whole career by being able to juggle a director's balls."
On Princess Diana's death:
"If you ever want to go to Paris, fly. Don't take the tunnel."
On Sarah Palin:
"I think Sarah Palin is an amazing woman. I think she represents everything strong a woman can be, and I think she should go someplace, to another planet, to show them, and get out of our face. ... They're right to blame Sarah for the shootings [of former Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords]."
On Oprah Winfrey (to Oprah, who said she'd gained 50 pounds since winning a beauty contest, during an episode of The Tonight Show that Rivers was guest-hosting in 1985):
"You shouldn't let that happen to you! ... You're a pretty girl, and you're single. You must lose the weight!"
On Bo Derek:
"Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines."
Joan Rivers on Joan Rivers:
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
"My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head."
"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus. That way, I'd visit him every day."
"I was so ugly that they sent my picture to Ripley's Believe It or Not, and he sent it back and said, 'I don't believe it.'"
"I said to my husband, my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs. He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'"
"The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are age appropriate. For me that would be a shroud."
"All I ever heard when I was a kid was, 'Why can't you be more like your cousin Sheila?' And Sheila had died at birth."
"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."
"I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper."
Elizabeth Taylor was a classic Joan Rivers target — as was the topic of overweight celebrities in general — but Rivers didn't save all her jabs for the late Oscar winner or the plus-sized famous types among us. Everyone from the president of the United States and the British royal family to Oprah Winfrey (to her face!) and North West inspired Rivers's no-holds-barred one-liners, though Rivers may have saved her harshest quips for a subject closer to home: herself.
Read on for some of her (greatest?) hits, including the one celebrity insult that she dropped from her act when the targeted celeb's daughter wrote her a letter.
On Kim Kardashian's infant daughter, North West:
Rivers told an audience at the Saban Theatre in Beverly Hills this past January, "That baby is ugly … I've never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing."
[Photos: More TV Stars We've Lost This Year]
On Gwyneth Paltrow being named the world's most beautiful woman by People magazine:
"Look at Gwyneth Paltrow being named the most beautiful this year. She got Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder to vote."
On Heidi Klum's 2013 Oscars dress:
"The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens."
On Mel Gibson:
"As a Jew, I don't want to see Mel Gibson at a party. I don't want to run into him in the kitchen, because there's an oven in it, and I'm afraid of what he might do."
On the late Whitney Houston:
"I hate Houston. It's crawling with bugs… Oh, wait, that's Whitney Houston; I'm sorry, my bad. (Can I just mention that Whitney looked fabulous at the Grammys? She was in mahogany from head to toe.)" — From Rivers's book "I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me"
On Chelsea Handler and ex-boyfriend and former E! executive Ted Harbert:
"No. 1, the girl made it on her back f---ing the president, we all know that, of the network. No. 2, she's fine, she's ordinary. She's not a genius. She's an ordinary girl that was f---ing somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she's doing OK. Whatever she is, she's a drunk. I don't wish her good luck, I don't wish her bad luck. I don't think she's particularly funny."
On Tommy Lee Jones as a red carpet interviewee:
"He makes Hitler look warm and funny."
On Jennifer Lawrence tripping when she walked onstage to accept her Oscar in 2013:
"It just dawned on me why Jennifer Lawrence fell on her way up to the stage to get her Oscar. She tripped over her own arrogance."
On Angelina Jolie's high-cut, leg-baring gown at the 2012 Oscars:
"Everyone took her to task with that photograph with the leg out, but to me it looked as if she had a terrible yeast infection and she was trying to air it out."
On Rihanna:
"Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfrey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap her."
On Willie Nelson (a joke that, Rivers recently told Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live!, was one of the rare ones she dropped from her act because Nelson's daughter wrote her a letter telling her that the bit had caused her to be teased at school):
"He wears a Roach Motel around his neck."
On Adele:
"Congratulations to Adele on the birth of her 68-pound, 8-ounces bouncing baby boy."
On Lindsay Lohan's many court appearances:
"Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn't mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor."
On Elizabeth Taylor (a favorite Rivers target for years):
"Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.... Elizabeth Taylor's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on her aspirins.... Her favorite food is seconds.... Mosquitoes see Elizabeth Taylor and scream, 'Buffet!'.... Elizabeth Taylor pierced her ears and gravy ran out.... Elizabeth Taylor is wearing Orson Welles designer jeans.... She's so fat, she's my two best friends."
On Kate Winslet:
"If Kate Winslet had dropped a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk."
On Camilla Parker Bowles (who, along with her husband, Prince Charles, became a close friend of Rivers's):
"Camilla Parker Bowles is so ugly that at airports they make her frisk herself."
On Katie Holmes's acting skills in The Kennedys miniseries:
"Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy's wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it."
On first lady Michelle Obama (after calling President Obama gay):
"You know Michelle is a tranny."
On Kristen Stewart's relationship with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders (which, Rivers told TMZ, prompted Stewart to threaten to sue her):
"Many stars only do one thing well. Of course, the best one-trick-pony is Kristen Stewart, who got a whole career by being able to juggle a director's balls."
On Princess Diana's death:
"If you ever want to go to Paris, fly. Don't take the tunnel."
On Sarah Palin:
"I think Sarah Palin is an amazing woman. I think she represents everything strong a woman can be, and I think she should go someplace, to another planet, to show them, and get out of our face. ... They're right to blame Sarah for the shootings [of former Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords]."
On Oprah Winfrey (to Oprah, who said she'd gained 50 pounds since winning a beauty contest, during an episode of The Tonight Show that Rivers was guest-hosting in 1985):
"You shouldn't let that happen to you! ... You're a pretty girl, and you're single. You must lose the weight!"
On Bo Derek:
"Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines."
Joan Rivers on Joan Rivers:
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
"My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head."
"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus. That way, I'd visit him every day."
"I was so ugly that they sent my picture to Ripley's Believe It or Not, and he sent it back and said, 'I don't believe it.'"
"I said to my husband, my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs. He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'"
"The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are age appropriate. For me that would be a shroud."
"All I ever heard when I was a kid was, 'Why can't you be more like your cousin Sheila?' And Sheila had died at birth."
"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."
"I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper."
Dude that took the bat was lucky that the store owner never played baseball. He had his hands crossed up and could probably only get half the potential power out if his swing.
Still a hits a hit. Despite his screwed up bat hold he's averaging .500. Not bad at all, retire at the top of your game now sir.
i second that...i drive tow trucks and the damage that can be inflicted from a line with pressure on it is amazing. i popped a 1/2" winch cable off my bed (clean break) and you'd of thought the 4th of july just happened out there in the middle of the night. It turned night into day with sparks. Wicked cool to watch, but I needed to go change my pants after...
Cheers,
Sirhr
I have saved a variety of pics from this thread.... This one will be made into a birthday card for a few friends.....
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He obviously never heard of Isadora Duncan.
If somebody did that to me, and I with a golf club in hand, I would be honor bound to whip his ass with said club.
The guy with the chair has to be prior military. At about the four min. mark he goes full parade rest when he isn't sure where he should be. IMO
This is some creepy-assed shit. I mean... creepy-assed shit! I didn't say I don't like it. It's cool. But in a really creepy-assed shit kind of way!
Quote Originally Posted by XTR View Post
Anyone who has ever seen a tracked vehicle (dozer in my case) part a 5/8 wire rope will tell you that you need to be well clear of a tow line unless you want to be killed or seriously injured.
i second that...i drive tow trucks and the damage that can be inflicted from a line with pressure on it is amazing. i popped a 1/2" winch cable off my bed (clean break) and you'd of thought the 4th of july just happened out there in the middle of the night. It turned night into day with sparks. Wicked cool to watch, but I needed to go change my pants after...
One warm sunny day years back, I'm lifting a 40 ton tug boat in our travel-lift, when the rear cable slipped the locks and dumped it. Made a helluva splash, the cable snapped over my head, we found on of the cable locks 100 yards across the lot. It was an open air machine meaning I had nowhere to hide, except to fall on the floor and cover up.
I needed a short time out to get a fresh pair of skivvies from my locker.
Still won't drive that fucker.
Anyone who has ever seen a tracked vehicle (dozer in my case) part a 5/8 wire rope will tell you that you need to be well clear of a tow line unless you want to be killed or seriously injured.
i second that...i drive tow trucks and the damage that can be inflicted from a line with pressure on it is amazing. i popped a 1/2" winch cable off my bed (clean break) and you'd of thought the 4th of july just happened out there in the middle of the night. It turned night into day with sparks. Wicked cool to watch, but I needed to go change my pants after...
One warm sunny day years back, I'm lifting a 40 ton tug boat in our travel-lift, when the rear cable slipped the locks and dumped it. Made a helluva splash, the cable snapped over my head, we found on of the cable locks 100 yards across the lot. It was an open air machine meaning I had nowhere to hide, except to fall on the floor and cover up.
I needed a short time out to get a fresh pair of skivvies from my locker.
Still won't drive that fucker.
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The deck officer (in the yellow) in this video is lucky he didn't end up with a couple of stumps.
Cables are not to be trifled with. Guy with the Jeep deserves a Darwin. First... you don't pull stuff with a BUMPER hitch! A proper hitch has to be frame mounted. Second... it's not a spectator sport. Third... put a blanket or even a jacket over the cable. May not 'cure' the problem, but can soak up a lot of energy. Retards... we all end up paying for them one way or another.
Cheers,
Sirhr
Lol. You are a poor sport.
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Photographer Thomas Herbrich Took 100,000 Smoke Plume Photos Looking for Unexpected Shapes
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Who said dawg aint resourceful?
WATCH: Kettering Great-Grandfather Andrew Adamson Fights Off Crowbar-Wielding Burglars - YouTube
By Sarah Fruchtnicht, Fri, September 05, 2014
A heroic great-grandfather in Britain fought off three armed thugs who broke into his home while he was out at a special event.
Andrew Adamson, 59, came home in a tuxedo with his wife Liz, 58, to find three thugs burgling the place. One was carrying a 2-foot long crowbar and another had a razor blade.
“We came home and they were already in there. My wife opened the door and thought it was my son playing but then realized it wasn't,” he said.
The confrontation was caught on surveillance camera in an alley outside his home as Adamson forcefully pushed the men out of his house.
The three suspects, allegedly gang members, fought back but Adamson did not back down.
“I was not just going to let them stand by and ransack my house - I did what any good husband would do. I wanted to protect my home and protect my wife,” he said.
He fought them one by one until they fled down the alley with his briefcase, which is worth about $650.
He was left with blood gushing from a head wound. The injury required seven stitches.
“They came here because, I believe, they thought there were large amounts of money here. But that just proves their lack of intelligence,” he said.
Adamson says he and his wife have lived in the home for over 30 years.
“'There was no way I was going to let them go without a fight,” he added. “They say an Englishman's home is his castle - but I think I just acted on instinct.”
The video of the attack was released this week for the first time, after two of the three attackers were jailed.
Duncan Berry, then 20, was identified by the CCTV footage and pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary.
Adamson grabbed a balaclava off one of the attacker’s during the struggle. Three years later it was tested for DNA. David Jarvie, 53, was arrested and later confessed to his part in the break-in.
Jarvie was convicted of aggravated burglary and actual bodily harm and was sentenced to 5.5 years last Thursday.
- See more at: See It: Unarmed Great-Grandpa Wearing Tuxedo Fends Off Three Burglars (Video)
By Sarah Fruchtnicht, Fri, September 05, 2014
A heroic great-grandfather in Britain fought off three armed thugs who broke into his home while he was out at a special event.
Andrew Adamson, 59, came home in a tuxedo with his wife Liz, 58, to find three thugs burgling the place. One was carrying a 2-foot long crowbar and another had a razor blade.
“We came home and they were already in there. My wife opened the door and thought it was my son playing but then realized it wasn't,” he said.
The confrontation was caught on surveillance camera in an alley outside his home as Adamson forcefully pushed the men out of his house.
The three suspects, allegedly gang members, fought back but Adamson did not back down.
“I was not just going to let them stand by and ransack my house - I did what any good husband would do. I wanted to protect my home and protect my wife,” he said.
He fought them one by one until they fled down the alley with his briefcase, which is worth about $650.
He was left with blood gushing from a head wound. The injury required seven stitches.
“They came here because, I believe, they thought there were large amounts of money here. But that just proves their lack of intelligence,” he said.
Adamson says he and his wife have lived in the home for over 30 years.
“'There was no way I was going to let them go without a fight,” he added. “They say an Englishman's home is his castle - but I think I just acted on instinct.”
The video of the attack was released this week for the first time, after two of the three attackers were jailed.
Duncan Berry, then 20, was identified by the CCTV footage and pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary.
Adamson grabbed a balaclava off one of the attacker’s during the struggle. Three years later it was tested for DNA. David Jarvie, 53, was arrested and later confessed to his part in the break-in.
Jarvie was convicted of aggravated burglary and actual bodily harm and was sentenced to 5.5 years last Thursday.
- See more at: See It: Unarmed Great-Grandpa Wearing Tuxedo Fends Off Three Burglars (Video)
Maybe thats my problem. Im an analog guy in a digital world.
He shags her rotten then wakes to find a burgled apt, iirc. Good stuff.
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A simple bet.
If he makes the shot, she vows to not ask him to ever buy her anything again.
If he makes the shot, she vows to not ask him to ever buy her anything again.
