Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

Triman2008

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Okay, here's the deal.....I'm not one to share my secrets with everyone, but I have hit a wall in my life/career/marriage. I'm looking for a little experience. I'm 32, served my country and got out about 6 years ago. Held down a couple of odd jobs, and then in 2009 I was let go after 5 months of being with them and after the company headhunted me out from another company.

It hit my family pretty hard......so I thought about what I wanted to do as I did a job in the navy that I can not do in the civilian world. I decided to get my paramedic license. So fast forward about 2 1/2 years, I got my license just before Thanksgiving. My wife has been fairly supportive of me. (just doing school and not working to get it done) We are fourtunate enough to have her job in this economy that can sustain our household and 2 children.

As of late, my patience has worn to its breaking point with life/children/wife. I have been a stay at home dad for 2 1/2 years raising 2 beautiful girls, 3 and 1 years old but I can no longer keep my sanity when I'm home with them. My marriage is going down hill with the situationas as it sits right now, and my wife is feed up with me not having a job.

It has been just over a month and I have been declined from 4 jobs, and I have applied about 10 different paramedic position in a 60 mile radius. I have covered all my local ambulance companies and even jobs at the hospital that would take a paramedic. My wife expects me to have a job yesterday and is very frustrated with everything as well.

She is not willing to move to a different state for my employment, nor even relocate to a different area of the state. I have not yet applied for an out of state position, but this is a last resort.

Is she being a little unreasonable? Should I look for a job out of state, or hold out for a little while longer for a medic job in the area?

I know I am about to get blasted and I have my flamesuit already on....so let's begin.
 

Triman2008

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

Mike,

I don't have a degree, that's why I got my medic license.

I could re-enlist...but again, she's not willing to move.

In the hospitals that's what I was appliying for was a tech of some sort.

I can do physical work, nothing wrong with me.
 

netranger6

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

Heck, I'd say keep being a stay at home dad! I wish I had it that good man, nothing better than time with kids. Of course, breaks are needed.

I'd keep pounding the local market my friend. It may take time, but you can always get a "job" outside of your area of interest, until what you want shines upon you. Think your wife may just be in the mode of any job right now, will suffice. The longer you stay out of the market though, it seems it's harder to get back in. Keep pounding it, things will shake up soon enough!
 

High Binder

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

Can you just take a remedial job to make a little money and kill time until you land your dream job? Or does the high cost of child care negate that?
 

shankster..

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

Is your wife being unreasonable? You haven't worked in 2 1/2 years when you have a wife and kids so you could get your paramedics license?

WTF? Your first priority is to provide for your family then chase your dream job. Shovel shit if you have to at nights and go to school to be a paramedic. Imagine how she feels. She has been working a job with the stress of knowing if anything happens to her or her job, her kids and her future are screwed.

I worked my way through school pulling a full load and working full time. How could you not work with a family of three for that long?

Get off the computer, quit feeling like you're the victim here and get your ass a job. <span style="text-decoration: underline">Any job</span> and apply to be a paramedic.

Your lucky she isn't the one starting this thread not you.


(BTW, I'm shocked a defending a woman.)
 

Triman2008

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

High Binder,

That's what I'm thinking and I've been saying this for a while now. I would working to pay for child care.
 

alibi

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

More information is needed. What state do you live in? Is this coming up now due to family and the holidays?
 

Bunnyblaster

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

Not really sure what your skill set is outside of the paramedic thing here. But, with the communication systems in place in this country, more and more people make big money working from a home office. I know people that do everything from marketing consulting to selling stuff on ebay they find at garage sales. Independent graphic design artists, video editors, CAD artists, etc all can work from nearly anywhere with an internet connection.

I don't know what you did in the Navy, but is it something the private sector may find valuable in a consultant?

Check out a book called "40 Days to the Work You Love".

In the meantime, might be worth finding a job in the evenings when your wife can watch the kids. Anything. Pizza delivery, UPS, whatever. Even if it doesn't bring in much money, you don't have to pay for child care, and its showing her that you really are trying. Not only that, but it raises your own self worth. Not earning something with your own hands will drop a guys self esteem faster than a .204.

Good luck.
 

cavemanmoore

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

You need to go to work. Asking your wife to relocate, giving up the job she has utilized to support you and the kids, is unreasonable on your part. It doesn't matter what job you find. Just find one. Then stay employed until you find your "dream job".

Also, hug your wife. She deserves it.
 

bgbill

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Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

One reason you feel like crap is because you aren't working, a man is supposed to work and provide for his family.

I don't blame your wife not wanting to relocate for a new job that you may get, what happens if she quits he job and the one you get doesn't work out?

Your wife is under a lot of stress because she knows if she loses her job, you guys are screwed.

You should get a job, any job and you will feel better and take some stress off of your wife, once you are working you can still try to get a Paramedic job, why not get a job as an EMT/Firefighter or something else that will be a stepping stone to he job you want.

Is there a reason you are not eing hired?

It seems odd that you were headhunted from one job and then they let you go 5 months later, why did they want you so bad they poached you only to let you go later?

How long were you at the job you were headhunted from?

Being young and bouncing from job to jba nd then being unemplyed for 2 1/2 years is a red flag, I know I would wonder why as an employer.
 

Maggot

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    +1 To all posts above. You even got Shankster serious for a moment.

    Knowing which state your in would help. Texas and a few others have strong economies...others not so much to poor economies. That would influence me in my decision.

    Give the wifey a hug.
     

    Blueclawz

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I am hearing this same scenario more and more...and can only offer "my ear" if you want to call and talk.

    - First stop worrying about "what you want to be when you grow up". Find yourself a job..any job...but a job. Once you get some income flowing from your efforts and regain your pride by providing for your family..you will be very surpised how much easier it is to communicate with her and the kids.

    - Second talk to your wife..seriously talk...dont talk about money..just talk about your feelings how much she means to you and ask her what she is feeling. This is your LIFE PARTNER - get her involved in this situation and working together you can overcome.

    - Third start networking. The kids are on play dates talk to the moms..the husbands may know of an opening and knowing your a good guy who is raising kids may get you the inside track. The job market is flooded right now..trust me I know...I do not enjoy my current employmnet and have been searching for over a year....but every good lead or job offer I have had has been through networking...not shooting resumes at a computer screen hoping for a payout. Remember network the parents..network the school...network the dude in aisle 13 at Lowes....but everywhere you go..be Positive...love your kids..and talk about what YOU CAN DO OR BRING TO THE TABLE..not about what you WANT to do.

    - Now - check your PM's.
     

    Unknown

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I would look into working at some civil service job like the local jail. Your paramedic license would be helpful, and the pay and benefits for jail deputies is usually first rate. Plus, the health care benefits for a family are great.

    My sister in law used to work at a jail, and we all felt sorry for her because it seemed she always had to work Christmas, Thanksgiving and so on. Then on one of those holidays she didn't have to work and showed up at the family meal very depressed. When I asked why she was so glum, she said it was because she didn't get to work (didn't GET to work).

    I asked why the hell she would want to work those days. After she explained that she gets time and a half for her first shift because it is a holiday, and almost every time someone calls in sick so she gets a second shift at DOUBLE TIME AND A HALF. She said that by working that 16 hours, she could afford to take her husband and child to Mexico for a week with one days pay. I never felt sorry for her again.

    Anyhow, a career in law enforcement pays the bills, your training will be useful, and it will allow you to support your family while you seek your dream job. At this point, I think you would be wise to take just about anything honest that allows you to support your family.
     

    jcfd2201

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Okay here is a suggestion to get you in the door of the EMS world. FD's and EMS agenecies don't like to hire new medics. The double edged sword of the real world, we don't want to hire you but you can't gain experience until someone gives you a job.

    Here is something you can try:
    Make an appointement to talk to the supervisor or officer in charge of hiring at the various EMS providers in your area. Offer to work at EMT pay with a CEP if they have any EMT shifts or positions open. You get an opportunity (hopefully) to work and gain some field experience. The CEP you work with will hopefully be willing to let you provide most of the patient care while supervising/precepting you. The agency gets the benefit of a two medic ride at the cost of an EMT/CEP ride. It's worth a shot to try it.

    Fire & EMS is a great and often rewarding career but can be really tough to get into. All you can do is be persistant and stay positive.

    I had one last thought too! Are there any volunteer fire companies in your area? I'm guessing you are in Mich by the coordinates in your location. I know there are volunteer fire co's there but many do not run EMS. That doesn't matter at this point as it is a foot in the door of the Fire/EMS world and gets you into the networking that BlueClawz talked about. I will tell you that there is some truth to the saying, "It's not what you know, it's who you know", in the fire service.

    Good luck!
     

    tylerw02

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: shankster</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Is your wife being unreasonable? You haven't worked in 2 1/2 years when you have a wife and kids so you could get your paramedics license?

    WTF? Your first priority is to provide for your family then chase your dream job. Shovel shit if you have to at nights and go to school to be a paramedic. Imagine how she feels. She has been working a job with the stress of knowing if anything happens to her or her job, her kids and her future are screwed.

    I worked my way through school pulling a full load and working full time. How could you not work with a family of three for that long?

    Get off the computer, quit feeling like you're the victim here and get your ass a job. <span style="text-decoration: underline">Any job</span> and apply to be a paramedic.

    Your lucky she isn't the one starting this thread not you.


    (BTW, I'm shocked a defending a woman.) </div></div>

    Listen to this^^^^
     

    High Binder

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Triman2008</div><div class="ubbcode-body">High Binder,

    That's what I'm thinking and I've been saying this for a while now. I would working to pay for child care. </div></div>

    Yeah, I figured as much. I've been there done that but with only one kid. It's a tough road to hoe. I suspect your wife is feeling used so it might be worth doing more of the house work (laundry/etc..) just so she can come home and relax more. As for the kids, I spend a lot of time with my kid, we go swimming, to the parks and shopping. It's takes a shit-ton longer to do things but just drag them out with you. It might kill some of the stir-crazy 'these-kids-are-ape-shit' feelings. When I really need a break I park my kid in front of reading show (Super Why) and go load ammo in the garage. You gotta just make the best of it, a divorce would be a disaster for you but especially your kids especially if she remarried and you had to see that and know your kids are being raised by some other asshole. Just some thoughts from somebody who is/was in the same boat.
     

    cavemanmoore

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: High Binder</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Just some thoughts from somebody who is/was in the same boat. </div></div>

    PM sent.
     

    cavscout1983

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Dunno why the OP is getting blasted.

    It appears to me his wife was initially supportive, and in reality it saved money on child care for him to be focusing solely on school/the kids and not working.

    It seems most are also forgetting that you served in the Navy and if you got out 6 years ago, you *should* qualify for the Post 9/11 GI Bill. Do you? If so, you were bringing in whatever E-5 w/ dependents BAH is in your zip code, right? For 2011, based on Bedford, MI zip, that amount was $1080

    If so, you not only saved money on child care, you contributed, via your benefits, at least $1k per month, right?

    The other issue is the fact that she doesn't want to move out of state. Why?

    Family? Does her job hold great potential for advancement and raises?

    There is entirely too much here which is not known.

    I fail to see the point in getting a job which goes to pay for the child care necessary for holding said job. That's just stupid, unless the trade off is significant.

    According to this chart: www.naccrra.org/randd/data/docs/MI.pdf

    His average yearly childcare cost, based on the ages he provided, would be somewhere around $16,224 per year in a child care facility. That subtends to $1,352 per month.

    By staying at home, he is saving on average 1,352 per month. By getting a job which pays minimum wage, which is the insinuation by "dude, any job! you're a man! work!" he is looking at:

    http://www.dol.gov/whd/minwage/america.htm#Michigan

    $7.40 an hour. Assuming no taxes, and a 40 hour week, he is looking at bringing in $1,184 per month. Average cost of childcare in Michigan, based on supplied numbers, is around $8.45 an hour.

    Suddenly, getting a job vs staying at home seems stupid- given that the children are not school age and the cost is prohibitive.

    Let's assume that the OP works 2 jobs at minimum wage (keep in mind, the numbers I gave don't account for federal, state, or other taxes deducted from his check- he's still gotta loan the govt "their" money)

    If he worked 80 hours a week at minimum wage, he would earn, before taxes/reductions, $2,368 per month.

    That means he is effectively only "earning" $1,016 per month- before taxes. And that's working 80 hours per week! The rest is going to keep his kids in a place which he probably would rather not have them, and totally exposes them to all sorts of BS...

    Now, what he could do is find work which would go well with his wife's work schedule, by working an odd shift. This reduction in need for child care would be a pain for a while, yes, but, it would work if both people are on board.

    The simplistic mantra of "get a job!" is not all that financially tenable when viewed against the reality of the situation.

    What needs to be determined is if his wife doesn't want to move out of state for what amount to selfish reasons, and what her understanding of the P-medic job situation was at the time of his starting the course.

    Perhaps the OP didn't do enough research. I don't know.

    But him running out and shoveling dirt or ringing up packs of cigarettes is a financially losing proposition so long as the kids are unable to be in school due to age.

    To merely be $1k (before taxes) above the loss margin requires 80 hours a week of shit work.

    To do any less basically results in a net loss due to the fact it's gone out to child care.

    To work around this issue, he would have to be away from his wife as they switch off child care duties- after work for her, before work for him. That's workable, but, it must take both parties to understand and work through it.

    It sounds to me like his wife agreed to something and 2.5 years later is tired.

    I frankly appreciate that the gentleman focused on his training solely. Sure, a lot of guys work their way through Paramedic and EMT and graduate. The guy who manages to graduate isn't necessarily the one I want working on myself or loved ones. I want the guy who lived and breathed his training.

    Assuming his time in the course was under the Post 9/11 GI Bill, it was not a situation of bumming off the wife. In fact, he was saving them on average about $1352 a month,

    The problem with people today is they don't understand what the sacrifice of marriage is. It IS a vocation in many regards. Everything being super happy and clappy all the time, well, that's a modern construct for our stupidly well off society.

    Given the minimum wage, before taxes, which is the worst case scenario in the "positive" side, i.e. a job, the OP, assuming P 9/11 GI Bill usage, actually "grossed" in palpable terms $2432 per month when factoring in the savings in childcare.

    AND he did it while gaining a skill set which is nationally useful, though apparently not locally so in terms of gaining a job.

    What needs to be determined is WHY the wife won't move, not what the OP has done, is doing, or will do.

    From my understanding, multiple departments in SW Texas are in massive hurt for medics. Additionally, the oil business may or may not have a need for you. You might find work with the oil/gas fields, though not particularly as a medic.

    Have you considered getting your CDL and just toughing it out in a cab for a little while?

    So many things you could do in the mean time, but, not as long as you are focused on one thing and as long as the wife is not in total agreement.
     

    DamnYuppie

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I agree with CS1983, getting "any" job could end up costing you more.

    It sounds to me like you are having some self efficacy issues about not being employed. As men we often identify our self worth with our jobs and ability to "earn" an income. It is not unreasonable to feel frustrated in your current position.

    That said I don't see how your wife has done anything wrong. Currently she is the bread winner and has been for awhile so I can see why she is a bit resistant to relocating. I would suggest you objectively look at why you are upset with your wife/kids and have an honest discussion with your wife about it.

    It is in the rough, dark, and low times of our lives that we get to define what type of man we really are. I would suggest that you be prudent, strive to find a job worth doing, and be grateful for the love and support of your wife. Jobs and money will come and go but don't so quickly throw away those you love and who love you.
     

    welfordnremt

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I am having difficulty believing you are having difficulty finding a job as a paramedic. There is a national shortage of medics. I could be getting paid on a truck by the end of next week. Is there a background reason you are not telling us? I hate to break the news to you but it isn't easy making a living as a paramedic unless 1. you work two jobs or 2. you work as a firefighter paramedic. If you can get here to move, come to Mississippi, I can find you a job in no time.
     

    High Binder

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: welfordnremt</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I am having difficulty believing you are having difficulty finding a job as a paramedic. There is a national shortage of medics. </div></div>

    Fuck that, they had 80 qualified guys apply for <span style="text-decoration: underline">one</span> EMT job here in my town not too long ago...
     

    welfordnremt

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    80 Paramedics or 80 EMT's

    I may not can find the most wanted or highest paying job, but a paramedic can find a job without hurting themselves.
     

    Clark

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    dirty-underwear-dog.jpg


    My wife said sneeringly that my underwear is "too dirty to put through the laundry."
    She says it has "dirt, seamen, urine, metal shavings, and feces."

    At first I was insulted, but then I remembered that my father told me, "When a woman bitches at you, act like John Wayne."
    So I put HER on notice. I told her, "YOUR underwear is too CLEAN to put through the laundry!"
     

    High Binder

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: welfordnremt</div><div class="ubbcode-body">80 Paramedics or 80 EMT's

    I may not can find the most wanted or highest paying job, but a paramedic can find a job without hurting themselves.
    </div></div>

    Oh, I thought they were the same thing.
     

    Teggy1

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Get any job. Second shift if you can't/don't want to pay child care, let the wife watch them while you're at work.

    Seriously, having been unemployed for 2 1/2 yrs. is not boding well for your resume. The chances of an applicant getting the job drops significantly for being unemployed, and more significantly for being unemployed for longer periods of time.

    Someone currently employed is much more desirable. It doesn't have to be your specific field. I would likely hire someone making pizzas, or flipping burgers, just to get by until what they are working toward opens up, rather than someone sitting at home waiting to be hired because they are "qualified".

    My $.02
     

    welfordnremt

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    In 2007 there were
    196,392 Nationaly Registered EMTs
    62,940 Nationaly Registered Paramedics

    Granted these numbers are a little old you can see the difference in job availability.
     

    Switchblade

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Screw it, re-up. Get a break. Sooner or later she will come around and pack up to be wherever you are. Sure the active duty money will be good, but not having you around will suck balls in a serious way and she will be hammered by that each and every day until she gets her stuff together and decides moving isn't so bad.
    Bottom Line is this:
    You got to get a job to keep your sanity, and if military is the way to go because you don't play well with civilians, well, have at it
     

    Monchichi

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I had a tough time also when I got out of the Marines. My wife wanted to move to her hometown which did not provide me with many opportunities. Its a small town and I ended up working at K-Mart full-time graveyards, Kragen Auto Parts part-time mornings, and taking classes at the local community college in the afternoon. I was a walking zombie most of the time. But being that I had a wife and one child, I knew I would do whatever it took to get ahead (legally of course).

    Luckily, one of the instructors at the college was a Lieutenant with the local Sheriff's Department. I applied with the
    Department knowing that my chances were slim due to the fact that its a small Department, allowing it to be very selective. Well the Lieutenant got to know me very well at the college, and when I applied, he put in a good word for me. That was a blessing because I've been there for quite some time now.

    My advice to you would be to get out there and socialize with the people you want to work with. It really helps when the people responsible for hiring know you, know your work ethic, and think you would be a good addition to their team.
     

    *greenhorn*

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    i dont know what to say brother my advice is to do it, do what you want to and if she loves you she will follow. but i have fucked up ALOT. i am a father of 5 kids, 3 with me, 2 with 2 other women. it took 2 child support payments for me to realize its not about me. its about us.

    you where in the navy you cant be that bad. lol

    but seriously. today's world its a ball of shit. and life ant all we expect it to me or hell even close to what we though it might be. i pray for you my fellow brother in arms, you and yours. my we all receive his blessings. and may he be with you as when i found myself in your shoes years ago.

    It could always be worse, i was wounded wile in the service medical discharged, i have seizures some times i don't know where am or how the fuck i got their. it takes me mins some times hours to rember, but thank god, so far i always rember eventually. i cant work. hell i cant drive. i have friends here on the hide that will vouch for that. Pick up your "shovel" and dig in. keep your head up and never stop putting one foot in front of the other and do not stop. never stop. in the end you will get where you are going.



    hold out, talk to your wife. keep you head high.
    <span style="color: #CC0000">
    <span style="font-weight: bold">A man can play the game but, a team, a team can beat the odds.</span></span> - A SMART FUCKING MAN!!

    and sense you posted this post on this forum knowing what might be said. i believe you think your family is your team. obusualy you love them and they love you.

    hold out and wile you do hold your wife's hand it is better to face the gates of hell with her than to do it with out.
     

    NoBenz

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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Exactly what did you do in the Navy? You say it doesn't transfer over, but believe me when I say people are suprised what experience in the military transfers over to jobs in the civil sector.
     

    Triman2008

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    Dec 23, 2009
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    N42.50.65 W85.37.78
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I am overwhelmed with the support and "love" you guys have shown. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    As to what job I did in the Navy, I was an AW. I hunted submarines, and also was a Search and Rescue Swimmer/Combat Search and Rescue Crewman. Not too many civilian jobs have a calling for a guy who flies in HH60H, saving lives or shooting machine guns.

    CS1983, As far as the post 9/11 GI Bill, the school I went through to get my skill was not an accredited school to recieve my GI Bill, I lost out on that one.

    My wife is a hair dresser and is pretty well maxed out at her current position. IF she wanted to make more, she would have to move to a new (High-edn Salon) and rebuild her clientele.....which could take years. Her work schedule is screw as well. she works mornings to afternoons some days, and then afternoons to nights other days. So me getting a job to "work around" her schedule, damn near impossible. Childcare is almost a neccesity once I get any job.

    I have talked with the two big ambulance companies on town and was told one will have a opening the end of January, and the other I am supposed to have a phone interview. I stay contacted with them calling a couple times a week, or leaving and email with the HR department. Even going do to their place of business to show face and my commited interest.

    Again thank you for all the support and kind words. I have yet to have the talk with the wife, but it is coming.....I promise.

    I'm not one to share feelings and this is about the most I have shared with anyone in a long time.

    Eric
     

    areaone

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    Dec 16, 2009
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    Illinois
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Start now or when you find employment, with you med training, go back to school(JR COLLEGE)if available, go thru the RN program, gives you a better ticket anywhere in the country. Program locally at the Jr Collelege is two yr, you may already have credits that would apply. Let me tell you, my best experince has been with Male RN's in a greater percentage than female RN's.
    Demand is there. Next step PA, real money now.....Good Luck.
     

    *greenhorn*

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    Aug 24, 2011
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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    my wife did the RN program they where in their hiring girls and guys out of their before they where finished school given they had to finish 1st. then work as a ER nurse the hours and pay unbelievable according to my wife. you can reward your wife and give her some time off. maybe then she can go to school. and you both bring your family up and stand on the crap your fighting now and lord over your world risen and revived.
     

    RobG

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    Jul 20, 2007
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    W. Sac, Kalifornia
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Sounds like you and the wife have issues that need resolution first off.

    Second, depending on where you are, EMS can be difficult to get in to. Here in CA, it is saturated with medics. Even worse for EMT's. The freakin schools pump em out like mad, knowing the jobs are few and far between.
     

    KillShot

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    May 25, 2010
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    Tulsa, Oklahoma
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RobG</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sounds like you and the wife have issues that need resolution first off.

    Second, depending on where you are, EMS can be difficult to get in to. Here in CA, it is saturated with medics. Even worse for EMT's.<span style="font-weight: bold"> The freakin schools pump em out like mad, knowing the jobs are few and far between.</span></div></div>

    It's no fault of the schools because full responsibility to check the job market <span style="font-style: italic">before</span> you pursue a chosen career-field falls squarely on the shoulders of the <span style="font-style: italic">student.</span>

    I fully understand having to love what you do and doing what you love for a living. What I have never been able to understand is why someone would spend 2-3yrs to become a paramedic when the same amount of time in college would earn you a degree as an RN and you'd make <span style="font-style: italic">DOUBLE</span> the money than what paramedics make.

    There is a shortage of nurses <span style="font-style: italic">everywhere</span> and you can practically write your own ticket, <span style="font-style: italic">worldwide</span>.
     

    bassani

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    Dec 19, 2011
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    Mandeville, LA
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Ok..a few things

    If she has a solid job that can support your family, don't move unless you can double her salary with yours and its a dream location

    Secondly, your 3y/o will be in school in the next 1.5 years im asuming, so then you will only have 1 kid at home to deal with which is much more bearable. And, the memories you can make with them now will last you a lifetime.

    Thirdly, do you have any craft skills or ideas for your own business. This would allow flexible hours. Consider starting your own LLC (typically under $100 application fee online with your state government)

    Lastly, tradeskill jobs such as electrician helper, air-conditioner/heating helper typically pay good money with little or no experience...fetch me this...crawl under that house or into that attic. As long as you dont mind following orders and getting dirty, its a start and you can learn OJT.

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Triman2008</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Okay, here's the deal.....I'm not one to share my secrets with everyone, but I have hit a wall in my life/career/marriage. I'm looking for a little experience. I'm 32, served my country and got out about 6 years ago. Held down a couple of odd jobs, and then in 2009 I was let go after 5 months of being with them and after the company headhunted me out from another company.

    It hit my family pretty hard......so I thought about what I wanted to do as I did a job in the navy that I can not do in the civilian world. I decided to get my paramedic license. So fast forward about 2 1/2 years, I got my license just before Thanksgiving. My wife has been fairly supportive of me. (just doing school and not working to get it done) We are fourtunate enough to have her job in this economy that can sustain our household and 2 children.

    As of late, my patience has worn to its breaking point with life/children/wife. I have been a stay at home dad for 2 1/2 years raising 2 beautiful girls, 3 and 1 years old but I can no longer keep my sanity when I'm home with them. My marriage is going down hill with the situationas as it sits right now, and my wife is feed up with me not having a job.

    It has been just over a month and I have been declined from 4 jobs, and I have applied about 10 different paramedic position in a 60 mile radius. I have covered all my local ambulance companies and even jobs at the hospital that would take a paramedic. My wife expects me to have a job yesterday and is very frustrated with everything as well.

    She is not willing to move to a different state for my employment, nor even relocate to a different area of the state. I have not yet applied for an out of state position, but this is a last resort.

    Is she being a little unreasonable? Should I look for a job out of state, or hold out for a little while longer for a medic job in the area?

    I know I am about to get blasted and I have my flamesuit already on....so let's begin. </div></div>
     

    RobG

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    Jul 20, 2007
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    W. Sac, Kalifornia
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KillShot</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RobG</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sounds like you and the wife have issues that need resolution first off.

    Second, depending on where you are, EMS can be difficult to get in to. Here in CA, it is saturated with medics. Even worse for EMT's.<span style="font-weight: bold"> The freakin schools pump em out like mad, knowing the jobs are few and far between.</span></div></div>

    It's no fault of the schools because full responsibility to check the job market <span style="font-style: italic">before</span> you pursue a chosen career-field falls squarely on the shoulders of the <span style="font-style: italic">student.</span>

    I fully understand having to love what you do and doing what you love for a living. What I have never been able to understand is why someone would spend 2-3 yrs to become a paramedic when the same amount of time in college would earn you a degree as an RN and you'd make <span style="font-style: italic">DOUBLE</span> the money than what paramedics make.
    There is a shortage of nurses everywhere and you can practically write your own ticket, worldwide.</div></div>

    One should definitely look into the market <span style="font-style: italic">before</span> jumping in. But, there are state regs that are being violated by some schools in regards to how long students are made to wait for internships. So in that regard, the schools do have the responsibility. Paramedic school takes (or should take) about a year.

    Again, area dependent, nurses may make double, maybe not. My wife is a nurse and does not make double what I do. She does work less hours however which is a big plus on the nursing side.

    Again, no nursing shortage here in CA. There <span style="font-style: italic">is</span> a shortage for <span style="font-style: italic">experienced</span> nurses, however. Tons of new grads but, hosptials need to put people to work ASAP, not train a bunch of new grads.
     

    KillShot

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    May 25, 2010
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    Tulsa, Oklahoma
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RobG</div><div class="ubbcode-body">One should definitely look into the market before jumping in. But, there are state regs that are being violated by some schools in regards to how long students are made to wait for internships. So in that regard, the schools do have the responsibility. Paramedic school takes (or should take) about a year.

    Again, area dependent, nurses may make double, maybe not. My wife is a nurse and does not make double what I do. She does work less hours however which is a big plus on the nursing side.</div></div>

    Has your wife considered <span style="font-style: italic">travel nursing?</span> She could do travel nursing within the state and make crazy money doing it!
     

    RobG

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    Jul 20, 2007
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    W. Sac, Kalifornia
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KillShot</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Has your wife considered <span style="font-style: italic">travel nursing?</span> She could do travel nursing within the state and make crazy money doing it! </div></div>

    Nah, kids, home, etc. But yea, traveling is awesome for those that can do it. I have known several travelers and all love it.
     

    UKDslayer

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  • Jan 29, 2005
    1,252
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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: cavemanmoore</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You need to go to work. Asking your wife to relocate, giving up the job she has utilized to support you and the kids, is unreasonable on your part. It doesn't matter what job you find. Just find one. Then stay employed until you find your "dream job".

    Also, hug your wife. She deserves it. </div></div>

    Not to downplay being a "mister mom"; but women have been doing the full-time jobs plus majority of child-rearing a while. Your done with school - time to man-up. We would be interested on where you live - what size town are you in etc. There are serious admirable character traits in what you did in the Navy that can be useful in "the real world" (not downplaying S&R at all...) Your wife - being on your feet all day - in a customer service position where you have to be nice to people you can't stand...that's tough work. Make her a bath with candles soon. Here's a couple thoughts:
    1. Where would you want to be that realistically has a opening?Offer up yourself for free for a month, even 20 hours a week and take a generic labor job for 20hr a week. Yup, you heard me right. Then be available for odd shifts, make it clear you want the career - and be willing to prove you can do it. Yeah, they call them "internships" well, sometimes, they pay off. What do you have to lose? I was a candystripper in an ER when I was in highschool - you stick around enough and be there at the right time when extra hands are needed. You just might catch someone's attention. You mentioned you applied for jobs - that means jobs are there; so why didn't you get selected? Something we don't know about or just pure lack of experience?
    2.What about offering to "intern" in a local ER? Again, doubt staff would turn down free hands/labor - only negative is you may need to buy liability insurance on your own (see if you can't work that in) you prove yourself, plus you will learn stuff including what the ER attendings like & hate that EMT/Para's do (that's invaluable)...someone else screws up/moves/gets pregnant and your in! You even might make connections that take you to another path...And it wouldn't hurt to show you're helping your community....
    3. And about those Navy connections...Patriotism runs strong, been active with local vets? Again, connections, think volunteer...

    BTW - There are some significant "childcare" tax savings/benefits going on now - don't overlook them and take them into consideration when looking for work..you state employment web site probably has info.
     

    Graham

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    Oct 30, 2007
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    Michigan
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: UKDslayer</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Make her a bath with candles soon.</div></div>That's excellent advice: UKD knows because women understand the politics of women. Perhaps your wife is signalling that she needs to know you are on her 'team' and not planning to emotionally detach as things get more frustrating for you both.
    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: UKDslayer</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I was a candy<span style="text-decoration: underline">stripper</span> in an ER</div></div>That's soooo HOT! LOL!
    laugh.gif
     

    UKDslayer

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  • Jan 29, 2005
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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Doh! Candystriper. You know what I meant...Trying to give the guy some useful advice...
     

    Graham

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    Oct 30, 2007
    49,811
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    Michigan
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: UKDslayer</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Doh! Candystriper. You know what I meant...Trying to give the guy some useful advice... </div></div>It's still hot.
    wink.gif
     

    UKDslayer

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  • Jan 29, 2005
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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DamnYuppie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    It sounds to me like you are having some self efficacy issues about not being employed. As men we often identify our self worth with our jobs and ability to "earn" an income. It is not unreasonable to feel frustrated in your current position.

    That said I don't see how your wife has done anything wrong. Currently she is the bread winner and has been for awhile so I can see why she is a bit resistant to relocating. I would suggest you objectively look at why you are upset with your wife/kids and have an honest discussion with your wife about it.

    It is in the rough, dark, and low times of our lives that we get to define what type of man we really are. I would suggest that you be prudent, strive to find a job worth doing, and be grateful for the love and support of your wife. Jobs and money will come and go but don't so quickly throw away those you love and who love you.</div></div>

    +1. This is good advice for OP.
     

    Cascade Precision

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    Jun 23, 2008
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    Klamath Falls, OR
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Unknown</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I would look into working at some civil service job like the local jail. Your paramedic license would be helpful, and the pay and benefits for jail deputies is usually first rate. Plus, the health care benefits for a family are great. </div></div>

    ^^^^This

    The medics at my jail get paid quite well, benefits and the whole maryanne.

    I worked 40+ hour a week jobs (I had 3 jobs that worked me on average about 55 hours a week) driving bus, delivering pizza, answering phones, whatever. It was tough, and we made it through and so can you. You have to communicate with your wife, but most importantly, you have to listen. Not just hear what she is saying, but listen. Understand her side of the marriage.

    Networking was mentioned. DO IT. Friends, family, neighbors, whatever.

    You will be fine, but get a job or 3 until you find your dream job. That is what it takes sometimes.
     

    NET65

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    Jun 19, 2009
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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    Why not hit up TC or another contract agency as a medic/PSD, their hiring. Best combo for your skillset, and the money is better than you'll make stateside.
     

    UKDslayer

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  • Jan 29, 2005
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    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: The new guy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Why not hit up TC or another contract agency as a medic/PSD, their hiring. Best combo for your skillset, and the money is better than you'll make stateside. </div></div>

    His wife probably his burnt out from taking care of the kids and working while he did his paramedic training; it wouldn't be fair to dump all that back on her...then again I hear the money is good enough for her to get a nanny/househelp and sometimes separation does make the heart grow fonder, maybe even let her take a "break" from her daily grind and go after that elite frufru clientele...
     

    In2b8u

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    Jul 18, 2007
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    WV Elkins
    Re: Not one to "air out his dirty laundry"

    I have been the stay at home parent for the last 10 years. When we first took on the switch role I thought I had it made. Boy was I wrong.
    First I worked as a paramedic for a Metro City for 12 years. During that time I met my wife, worked like a dog to get her through undergrad (apid with OT, and then medical school, still apying for it, and residency. We decided that the urban landscape was not the life we wanted for our children and left for rural America.
    We had decided that we wanted to have a stay at home parent.I was it (honestly there is no way I could compete with my wife's potential and real income).
    Taking that role switch responsibility has been in fact the most difficult thing I have ever done. The job is with out self merit or worth. It is constant, without breaks. It is demeaning at times to be without title or what seems like a clear cut path.
    However I attacked it like I did all things in life. Without fail, doing the best possible job at the time (except for laundry which still f#cks me up from time to time with my wife's "good" things).
    It has paid off in spades as far as my children go. They are for the most part responsible, and well behaved kids. Respectful, and not as much ME oriented. They have good grades, outside interest, and for the most part are fairly self motivated. But it took a ton of effort on out parts as parents to get them to this point.
    Granted my kids were not as nurtured by me as they would have been by their mom but I think it did them some good in their upbringing. They seem a bit tougher at times and I'm OK with that.
    Oldest daughter is graduating this year in the National Honor Society, with a bunch of accolades etc. Holding down a job, and competing in sports and community theater. My son has been rehabing a mean ACL and miniscus repair on his knee the last 7 months and should be able to return to the field sometime after Feb. My youngest runs cross country, and dances ballet for one of the youth Companies in the next town over. Travel is not easy or cheap to keep them all involved, but that is what it takes as a committed parent. No one sees the end result but you and your wife.
    Still when you take on this role, your time becomes precious. I thought I would have all kinds of time to do the stuff I wanted, and that simply is not so. I have much less time then when I "worked". My escapes now are work. I do some part time catering, and the occasional construction side jobs to keep my sanity. Farm work to just make myself feel good. Take the kids hunting and fishing.
    Self worth is a hard thing to measure when you have no tangibles to equate it to. There is no reimbursement for the stay at home parent, except the things that you get to share with your kids in the process of growing up. I was fortunate in this day and age to be able to say that as the male of the house. You will not get this opportunity again.